January Thirty-first; Footnotes for Looking Forward

 Last day of the first month of a not as new, year. Where are we headed?

As a society. 

We have battled and are battling a pandemic. Something that has turned the entire world upside down. The year that shall not be named started out so normally only to be totally derailed.

All around the world we have been facing problems, issues, challenges. We all know this, the news is filled with reports. Social media is filled with posts and comments and arguments over its validity.  One moment you are reading this, the next something else entirely. Countries are locking down borders, states are opening up fully. Wear the mask, the mask doesn’t work, wear two masks. Stay apart, no farther apart, stay inside, stay at home. School is virtual, work is from home. Fear those who are not part of your household. We are being separated.

If you have read much of what I write, you know that I rarely mention politics. While I have my beliefs and preferences, I remain silent for the most part due to the volatility of the subject.

But.

And I will stick to the U.S. since that is where I live, my thoughts, we are being played and used. We are being pitted one against the other. They know our triggers and they use them against us. We, have accepted this and danced as puppets on the end of strings while they play the role of puppet master. ALL of us. They have turned each group into an us against them mentality. That, is wrong.

As a family. 

This forced stay at home has hurt. Domestic abuse is up. Depression is up. Stress levels, are up. We are trying to survive, and take care of each other. We see the pain in a family member’s eyes. And we try, to do what we are able to help. For those who reside in senior care homes, they cannot even see their loved ones. They are the most vulnerable.While the centers do their best, it is not the same as family. Now that vaccines are available, that may change. Even as there are still arguments over that.

As individuals. 

As we stand prepared to tear one page from the calendar and move on to the next month, what about us? What are our plans for the next days? How is it, that we intend to move forward?  Do we look to be more safe at work or out and about? Do we need to seek work, or assistance in a variety of situations? How are we handling the day by day moment by moment? Are we trying to face it strong and determined?

What about me? 

I’m looking at the open calendar in front of me, on my desk. I see all the notes, numbers, marks where I crossed off the day. In a few hours, this month will be behind me. I see the reminders of events that I missed. I can tick off a lot of excuses and call them reasons. As if that will give them validity. It is true that money is limited, but a cup of coffee doesn’t cost that much. It is true that me and cold do not get along. But inside the car is warm.

It is true, that I am …what was it I was called today? Timid and a wall flower, when it comes to meeting new or being around folks that I don’t know very well. Especially when I’m standing in a group one of the few single people while others are with partners and family.

It is true, that due to life’s experiences, I have built a few walls. Knowing myself as well as I do, I have to ask myself, what about me? Sitting here about to turn the page and look forward, what plans and intentions do I have? What ways am I going to combat the things that hold me back? What improvements on myself, am I going to implement?  Knowing, without a shadow of any doubt, that the people I fear, for that fear, there is no reason. No reason for the discomfort.

 I believe, that I remain in this self imposed isolation, because this is what I know, what I understand and where I am comfortable.  I have worked hard at learning how to stand on my own. I have adjusted to being my own best company. And yet I know, we are not meant to be alone. We were created to be social. Our make up is one that needs to be with and around others. So, what about me? Not all things require money. Most only require time and the willingness to step outside that safe zone. There is a big, wide world filled with adventure just waiting to be enjoyed. Changing my mindset and stepping outside this comfort zone, will be my challenge and goal.

What, about you?