Vroom Baby aka a day at the races

My son and I went to the Xfiniti race in Charlotte (North Carolina) today. Its late, I’m exhausted. So I will share two photos and discuss our adventure tomorrow.

Waiting on the Steve Miller Band after the race
As they said repeatedly, it was the perfect afternoon for a race.
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Day 147; Footnotes Photos (last image is snake)

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Day 146; Footnotes Photos

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Day 145; Footnotes Photos

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My Heart Weeps For the Children as I Struggle For Understanding

What do you say? What can one possibly say that will ease the pain we are feeling yet again? How can this, why is this happening so often to our children? The innocent, the helpless stolen from their family and friends. Their future stolen from them. What evil lurks that would do this horrific act?

My heart weeps for those in Texas who have lost children. My heart weeps for the family and friends of the adults lost to this senseless act of violence. Understanding that this is a pain that will never go away. The children from what I read are mostly ten years old, with at least one being eight. For those who know them, they will forever be ten and eight, their time in this life stopped in that classroom. Their beauty, their laughter, their future, their light stolen from them. By one filled with darkness.

The news is filled, social media is filled, conversations are filled with what happened. Conversations that have been had before, many times. Too many times. Many are broken, feeling the pains of loss. Many are angry that this has happened yet again. Some stand in stunned silence, unsure of what to say, even as their heart demands they speak up and say….something. All the while the arguments go round and round. Seeking a change, demanding something different. Demanding action. How many more must die before something is done? How many more of our children must be lost, before we wake up and do something?

Comparisons and comments are being made and arguments started. The anger and hurt bringing out raw emotions. Emotions that are fully understandable even as arguing amongst ourselves solves nothing. Yelling at each other will solve nothing. Heated exchanges will not bring those children back nor will they prevent yet more deaths. Yet, they may possibly make some feel better as they are stated their feelings, their beliefs, their opinions on this, another mass shooting that should not have happened. Not giving an inch to anyone who thinks, feels, considers differently.  The “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality cemented firmly in place, giving no quarter to anyone.

We have to stop this. We have to give way and come together to seek answers. Our children need us. Their very lives depend on us stepping away from our own entitled thoughts and feelings and consider others. We need to recognize and remember that no matter who you are, where you live, what your social status may be, how old you are, life is valuable. Life is to be treasured and respected. No one should ever be treated as less. The murderer in Texas held no regard for human life. The murderer in Brooklyn, New York had no regard for human life, the murderer on the subway had no regard for human life. Anyone who uses a weapon of any kind to murder another, has no regard for the worth of human life.

Do I believe in the right to own a gun? Yes. Do I believe there should be a better form of gun control? Yes. Do I think that there is a fear that if one weapon, such as assault rifles, are banned that the powers that be will come after others one by one? Yes.

Do I believe that there has to be a way to protect our schools? Yes. After the last one I saw many thoughts, creations, ways and means presented. And yet, it has happened again. I personally know of a school that at one time, hopefully still, the only way you could get into the building was by pressing a button. Someone inside would talk with you through a speaker to find out who you were and what was your business. Otherwise you didn’t get inside.

Do I believe we have a mental health crisis? Yes. I do. I feel that there is a great need currently for many who are dealing with difficult health issues. Especially now after the struggles of the past two years.

Do we have problems with a darkness in people who feel that others are inferior? That others are disposable? There are problems with those who have fears and problems with racial and lifestyle differences. It isn’t always one race hating another. All races, all nationalities, all social status, all ages have issues.

Do I feel that changes in society have brought on any of this? Yes. We have removed and changed our thoughts on religion and faith. Having a relationship with Jesus. We have removed and changed structure. Taking away a parent’s ability to discipline their child, while allowing bullies of all age free range. Removing one having to take responsibility for their actions. All of these and more play a part.

Do I have answers? No. What I do have is a belief that we all, every single one of us have to come to an understanding and ability to hold conversations. We have to find the ability to come together to find the solution. We have to understand we have different thoughts and beliefs but be willing to talk to each other. Not yell at each other. Not threaten each other. Not shut each other down. Talk. To. Each. Other. Find that solution.

Our children are depending on us.

We need to find the light at the end of this darkness. We need to provide the light of safety for our children.
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Day 144; Footnotes Photos

My dad looking at a historic photo of our down town from 1938
3 older kittens of the many that inhabit my back yard
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Day 143; Footnotes and Photos

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The windows are open and I’m enjoying the breeze and the sound of the falling rain. That gentle, slow rain that is the best for growing things and soothing the soul. Soon I will get up from here and go do the responsible things an adult does such as tidying up the house, but not yet. Because I am listening.

I’m listening not only to the rain, but to the thoughts that are part of a lesson I am going through. One that I have been going through for the past two years and still have not fully come to grips with. I have heard it said that the lessons that take the longest, are the ones you will remember best. Maybe, or maybe I am being stubborn and a bit resentful. Even though, deep down, I am also grateful for this time.

Two years ago, I became unemployed from a job that I was weeks away from having held for thirty years. Mostly in the same position. I felt betrayed, and in all honesty, at times I still feel that way. Even though in truth, being removed from that job put in me the position where I was needed. Because I was told my job loss was due to Covid I would get the extra unemployment benefit. While I heard the outcry over how it wasn’t fair, I still took it, believing what I was told in that I would be called back. Which wasn’t true and now I know that was best. I did not seek another position because it became obvious how badly my parents needed me. We live next door to each other making it easy to be here for them. Not working, made it possible, to be here for them any time they needed me. I was in a position where I could, so I took early retirement. Social Security doesn’t go far, but it pays the bills and with my son’s help we have food in the house. We’re okay.

And yet, I still need to listen, I need to pay attention because even as I know how blessed I am to be able to do the things for my parents, money being so tight is a frustration. I look at things I would like to have, see others doing things I would like to do, but know that I simply can’t afford those things. I need to learn, am trying to learn full gratitude for what I have and acceptance of what I don’t need.

As I said, I don’t work and I don’t date so I don’t need a lot of dress up clothing. I only need functional and not a lot of that. If and when my situation changes, then I can worry about dressing nicer.

Fuel prices what they are, and how they continue to climb while my social security check remains the same means staying home or close to home. But it is here, where I find time to listen and learn.

My son has mostly moved from the house into his camper beside the house. Why not? It has most of what he needs and what he doesn’t he can just take a few steps into the house. It makes the house quieter. One can hear more, if they listen.

I understand that I’m being given lessons of gratitude. Knowing really deep down understanding, how blessed I am. I’m not homeless. I’m not hungry. I am not without what I need. I am not without transportation to get where I need to go. I am being taught to learn need over want. To learn gratitude for what I have over jealousy over what I do not.

My son works a day job and is gone for most of the day. My mother calls often, but there are long stretches when the phone is quiet. I am here alone with a few animals and my thoughts. It is during those times when the loneliness creeps in accompanied by sadness. I see people I know participating in events and having a grand time, but those events take money. Either for gas to get there, or donations, or for stops to eat. I watch what is posted on social media, I listen to shared comments on what happened and while happy for them, I cannot in all honesty deny the envy. But, it is just another lesson, just another test of learning. How to be fully happy for those who can, without the jealousy. Without the feeling of being left out.

I have come to the understanding that I don’t need a lot of things. I don’t have any desire to go on a cruise, or to Disney parks or many of the other expensive places. I don’t wear jewelry, so no need for diamonds or gold. I know, that I don’t need fancy, when simple will do. A walk in the woods, sitting by a stream, watching the stars at night. Okay, and the occasional nascar race.

I’m listening to the rain falling outside. As it falls it washes away impurities. It removes pollen from the air. It waters the plants. It is healing and relaxing. Even when the thunder rumbles, it is peaceful. A reminder that even in the calm, there are rumbles of disruption. It is up to us to learn how to handle what comes.

I know that the passage of time has lessened the betrayal and anger I have felt. It has given me the opportunity to see from a distance what I was enduring where I once worked. What all who worked and currently work there goes through. The stress that came with the job now gone. The frustrations of dealing with those who have agendas now gone. The passage of time has allowed me to see the gift becoming unemployed. I am learning and growing, as I listen.

Some of the interactions I have had in the past two years, and the lack of interactions, have given me an understanding that the most important relationship I can have, is the one with my Savior. When I really pay attention, when I listen, I can see the difference in my life. I can see where He has been with me, strengthened me, lifted me up from those moments of darkness. He has and continues to teach me gratitude. When I listen.

I am learning, those times when I feel apart, alone, forgotten. That I am not of this world. I am merely a sojourner traveling through. Sharing what I know of God’s love with those I pass along the way to my eternal home. Showing and sharing, with all who will listen.

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Day 142; Footnotes Photos

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Day 141; Footnotes Photos

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