I had been afraid.
I heard jake brakes. I had moments before walked into the house and sat down. My son had helped me cut firewood to fit my wood stove and we moved and stacked what was cut onto the porch. Tired, I had not turned the television or anything else that makes noise on. I had opened the door to allow the cool night air into the room. In the dark of the night, came the sound of jake brakes up on the main road. Consider it odd, but I love that sound. Tonight, it was comforting.
I had feared today and the emotions that come with it every year. Today is the anniversary of my husband’s death. For days I have felt miserable. I have felt abandoned. I have felt so terribly alone. I missed him, I missed hearing his voice, feeling his arms around me, hearing him call me from the other room asking for a cup of coffee. I missed seeing him sitting on the porch or stealing the shopping buggy in Walmart. So many negative, sad, grieving moments. Emotions that are not wrong, emotions that can come out of nowhere at any given moment. But especially today.
Then, I decided to look at in another way. Yes, it is the anniversary of his death…here, but it is the day of his new birth in Heaven. If I were to try and make a comparison, asking would he rather be here, or there, I’m sure I know the answer. It is undeniably, understandably there.
How, can I ever be sad knowing that where he is now, is so much better than here? How can I be sad, when I know he is walking those golden roads with family? How can I be sad, when I know he has seen Jesus? Knowing that he has met the apostles, heard the angels, that he is now so much better than he was here?
I have been sad that he is gone, and that is understandable. But its been six years today. I am finally coming to an understanding, or maybe remembering the realization that instead of sadness, I should be rejoicing for him. Happy for him. Knowing that his journey is finished while I still have a way to go. Today, and for days before today, I was afraid of how sad I would be. Instead, I am rejoicing for him. Wishing him a happy welcome to Heaven anniversary. I think, that the jake brakes was not a coincidence. I think he sent a sound he knew means something to me, letting me know, he’s well, he sees us, he’s happy. He also keeps dropping pennies, would be nice if it were twenties, but pennies are nice too. Happy Heavenly anniversary my love. You’re always in my thoughts.
Hugs for you, Rebecca. 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you John.
This is a beautiful and uplifting reminder that our loved ones who have passed on are in a better place. It’s heartwarming to see how the sound of jake brakes brought comfort to the author and how they found a way to rejoice for their loved one’s new journey. Happy Heavenly anniversary to their love.
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment.