Yesterday mom needed to go to purchase a few groceries. She wanted to go so she could search and make choices hoping to find things that my dad would eat. She said that his tastes are changing and he doesn’t like a lot of the stuff he used to eat often. So off we went on a scavenger hunt for something that would tempt his taste buds. Before we left I spoke with my great nephew asking if he would keep an eye across the road, just in case. While the plan was to make it a quick trip, plans can always and often do change. Especially not knowing how many and where the utility work was going on that would cause delays.
When we got to the store I was able to park fairly close to the building. We still had to cross a part of the parking area and the roadway along the building. Mom walks with a cane, and she walks slowly. As we crossed a car comes toward us. When they see us, they stop and allow us to cross. I waved my thanks as we reached the sidewalk. I have found this to be a normal occurrence, where people out of respect and consideration stop and wait, allowing us safe passage.
Inside we grabbed a buggy/shopping cart, and headed into the store. Mom showed me her list, it wasn’t long. It didn’t take long to realize they were taking inventory in the store. I felt bad about moving behind them, taking part of what they had counted, but, I’m sure they knew it was going to happen. Otherwise they would have done the count when the store was closed.
First stop was pet food for goodies for her dog Bandit. They didn’t have everything she wanted, but we managed to find enough of different flavors. Turns out the dog is getting as picky as dad at what she will eat. Then it was some Clorox cleaner a couple aisles over. A U-turn and we were headed for dairy. Two containers of egg substitute and lactose free milk and we were headed for the rest of the store. One of these, a couple of those and another of those for good measure. Her list began to grow and expand. When we managed to get to the freezers she was looking for breakfast foods. We couldn’t find one of the things she wanted so we moved on to the next item. She kept mentioning the missing item so I left her at the end of the aisle and went to look again. Success, I found it and carried it back to the cart. Item by item we filled the cart of things we hoped that dad would eat. All the while I’m keeping an eye on mom knowing she had to be growing tired. Her walk beginning to grow slower and less steady. Ever so often she would see an item not on the list and comment that dad would like this, or that, or something or other and it would go into the cart.
She finally called it complete and we headed to check out. Stopping at a checkout where we knew the employee I started piling what was supposed to be a short list on the conveyor. As it was bagged, I returned it to the cart. As this progressed we learned that there had been a power outage earlier due to a vehicle accident nearby. They had to rush and get all the cold stuff into a cold room. I didn’t ask but I was hoping they had some form of emergency lighting. Soon all was paid for and we headed back to the car. Mom was really tired and struggling to make it to the car. When we got to the end of the sidewalk I pushed the cart off and waited. She used it to help get down and walk across the road back to Star. Opening the door let me know quickly just how hot it was inside. I made sure she left the door open while I loaded everything into the Jeep.
Once we got back home I helped her inside and began to bring everything into the house. Making sure the frozen things went into the freezer, the cold to the fridge, the few things left were easy to put away.
This morning mom called me telling me that the heart monitor she is wearing was letting her know the battery was low. Quickly getting dressed I walked down to help swap out the low monitor for the charged one. I wasn’t sure what I was doing and the book while a wealth of information didn’t really tell me what I was looking for. Finally I got the low monitor off and the charged in place. But, it wasn’t working? More reading and I saw where I had to press and release a button, not hold down mind you, press and release. The booklet was adamant on that part. Finally it was working, the phone thing did its testing showing everything was good and mom was all set. I walked back up here to finish this writing…and more coffee.
Sometimes, I get very frustrated. Weary and stressed. Then I spend days like these. All days, are a gift. I know that eventually I’ll look back on these days for they will be no more than a memory. Right now, I will appreciate them, even in the frustrations. I have to schedule everything even down to taking a shower. If she tries to call and she calls often, and I don’t answer, she almost instantly panics thinking something has happened. It is sometimes frustrating thinking my parents have become too dependent on me. Its humbling, knowing I am blessed that they are here to be taken care of in the ways I am able. It isn’t difficult to remember all the times they were here for me. It is easy to recall all the times they came to my aid and rescue. In my times of struggles and when my son was young and I worked. Even, when I listen to the same story for the umpteenth time, even when she has to top my comment, its okay. I realize that she doesn’t realize or intend to do these things. I know, one thing. It is an honor to be here, knowing I am needed and appreciated. My heart reminds me, even when there are moments of irritation, those are small and short lived. The moments of love are eternal.Once this time has passed, the silence will be as well and my heart will deeply miss these times.
Words from The Dirt Road 