True Value

Two days ago my son split some firewood for me. I had been completely out of anything that would fit in the wood stove so was using the furnace. (I don’t like to use it too much because its propane and that is expensive.) Some of what he split is too long, but there was enough to use that the long can wait to be cut in half. I mention this because I am sitting here, occasionally glancing out the window watching the smoke drift  low to the ground through the pouring rain. My two dogs are curled up beside me sleeping. They barely acknowledge when I get up to go refill my coffee cup. The inside cats are in another part of the house probably napping. The backyard colony was finishing off the food outside and making their way to which ever dry spot they prefer. For me, today is a day for quiet introspection. As long as the rain falls, my only excursions outside will be down to my parent’s place to make sure they have enough wood inside for their wood stove.

What does one contemplate on days such as today? Value.

While scrolling through the memories that showed over on social media one thing kept appearing. Comments on my job. I was glad to be working. My job didn’t pay the best but it was a job. Unexpected day off, not sure what I’ll do, I’d rather be working as staying home doesn’t pay the bills. I’m blessed to have this job even though..Its a constant theme through my memories. While yes, I did need a job as we were heavily in debt, in retrospect, I placed way too much importance on that job. I made that job too much a part of who I was and how important I was as an individual.

One can look back and wonder how different things might have been had I not worked. But my son turned out fine even though I didn’t get to spend as much time with him as I would have liked. I did go to sporting events, I did go to school events, I was there for the important things, just not as much for the every day things.

When I was separated from that job, it was a very hard blow to handle and accept. To realize that for so long I had been deceived. Not just by the company but by my own ego. I had placed the greatest majority of my feelings of self worth in that job. I strove to prove myself constantly. I worked hard. I was reliable. I ignored a lot that others did not realize I saw. I had many reasons for staying even though I was unhappy. Then, suddenly, all those promises of I would always have a job disappeared and I was unemployed.

That was almost three years ago. The sting has lessened as I stand back and look at my life now. Financially I sometimes struggle. Especially when major things come along. Most of the time though, I’m good. The bills are paid, I have my home and everything I need. I’m learning to accept that delayed gratification of my wants. By the time I have the money saved, I often find that the one time appeal has faded. I’m learning to window shop, admire, and move on.

I’ve learned there are better, more important and more gratifying ways to understand your value in this life. While a job/ career/ income source is part of that, it isn’t the major part. Our real value, is not found in our job, our home, value of our vehicles, where we take our vacations or even the size of our bank account. Those are earthly measures. They are things that will fade away, they do not last.

Our value can be found in how we treat those around us. It can be found in our attitudes. Where we place things in their level of importance. Who do we take care of? Where do we use our money? What is our level of gratitude for what we have? Not so much in the way of physical possessions, but in our family and friends. In who do we place our faith? Have we discovered peace within ourselves? Do we act with respect and compassion to others? Do we set aside judgemental attitudes and act in love? Our value isn’t measured in material things, our value is measured in acts of the heart.

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