Time of Introspection

He will be back today.

My son has been off on an adventure since last Tuesday. It has been different with him gone. For the most part he lives in his camper out beside the house. He has full access to the house for electricity, laundry, bathroom, main meals, since all of that is limited in the camper and its hook ups. Living out there, gives him his privacy. He told me before he moved out there that he was paying for it, might as well use the thing. I still believe it was that giving him a place of his own.

Still, when he came in for breakfast before work, or when he got home after work, I would see him for a while, depending on time and mood. Having him gone for the week, it has been very quiet. I’ve learned though that quiet, isn’t bad. Being solitary has its advantages.

I could prepare what and how much I wanted to eat. Knowing that he wasn’t going to walk in with some fast food / gas station food(?) concoction that I’m trying to avoid. I cannot get him to understand that I know I am not overweight, I’m just trying to be more aware of what I am putting into my body. There is a vast difference in real food and processed.

As long as I watched the time, due to dog walking duties for my parents, I could exercise without interruption. While I see the treadmill as a tool toward getting my health back on track, my son sees it as a toy. He also sees it as a challenge to see how fast and for how long he can go.

I had to do things on my own this week. I had to find the location for a new doctor’s office to discuss possible issues with my heart. He’s a very nice doctor and was very forthcoming in any and all information. My concern was that he doesn’t believe that natural methods can reduce cholesterol levels, especially those as high as what mine has become.

If I were to be honest, I know that I use my son’s presence as a sort of crutch. It is easier to ask him for help, than do it myself. With him not here, I had no choice. It actually felt pretty good, finding out that I am stronger, smarter, better than I believed. There is a quote that floats around social media that says something to the effect, you don’t know how strong you are, until you have no other choice. This can cover many different needs and challenges.

I also did something I despise and avoid whenever possible. I called customer service on my cell phone account. We had a discount for a couple years that was expiring. I no longer qualified for that discount but according to an email I received, I qualified for another. I had gone into the store but they had told me no, so I called. While the individual who took my call had a very thick accent, I could easily understand them. I explained why I was calling and he looked up the information. Within moments, I had my discount. When, as the call was ending he wished me a good day, I honestly told him that it was wonderful now thanks to him. I heard the chuckle as the call was disconnected. Hopefully if they had already, or if a bad customer came later, my appreciation for his help, eased any frustrations.

There was a special moment of joy this week. I was gifted the opportunity to help save and find a special home for a lost kitten. As he was described by his new family, “he’s tiny but has a big personality”. I could not have agreed more.  It feels really good when you are given the chance to do something that makes a difference. In this case a kitten was given a home and a family someone to love.

Given the time to be introspective, I have come to the realization of how good it feels to do good. You know that helping in any situation, gives you a good feeling, but we don’t always take the time to acknowledge that feeling. Not allowing that feeling to soak in and bring those feel good endorphins to their maximum results. For me, I have found that the simple act of speaking kindly to others, brings on that feel good moment. So it not only benefits the one I was speaking with, but me as well. This gives me a greater understanding of why we do charitable acts. The collection of toys for children at Christmas. The collecting of items needed after a natural disaster. The gathering of people to help search for someone lost. That list could go on into infinity. It feels good to know we have helped in some small way.

My son will be back later today. I once again have to make the journey to the airport, this time to bring him home. I’ll leave early enough to park in the cell phone lot and await his arrival. One thing I noticed, usually I do not sleep the night before having to go out of my comfort zone. Especially if it takes me to the airport and even more so if he was correct in that his flight will be arriving after dark. Last night, I slept. I didn’t awaken every few minutes, I had no bad dreams. I believe, that as much as my son needed this adventure away, so did I. We both have benefited from this time.

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