Learning to Trust and Let Go

All that for nothing.

Not too long back my son told me that he was going on an adventure. That would have been all fine and dandy, but it meant that I had to take him to the airport. Which is way too close to the big city that I do my best to avoid. Also with it being somewhere that I don’t visit often the very thought of going there sent my anxiety through the roof. Him telling me weeks in advance gave me plenty of time to worry over the trip.

His flight is the first one out this morning for that airline. It leaves at seven, he had to be there at five. This means me driving home in the dark. With oncoming headlights or the lights from those behind me being bright enough to be seen from the international space station. It also meant that I would be setting my alarms (plural because one might fail) for three in the morning so we could leave at four to be there in plenty of time. No, it doesn’t take an hour to get to the airport, but one never knows what one might run up on. The interstate here is more often a parking lot than not. I knew my son would go that route though.

The fact that today was the day, and my anxiety had plenty of time to get amped up, I did not sleep much last night. It was more like dozing to awake and listen to the dark, doze and awaken, all night long. I was so restless even my dog Bella chose to sleep on the floor rather than deal with all that tossing and turning. I have been and did do a lot of praying. Help me get out of the airport and home safely. The sad thing, it wasn’t the complete airport that had me so worried, it was the one left turn out of there and onto the road that would bring me home. I always mess up somehow on that turn.

I was so worried about that, and knowing they had and are doing construction at the airport, we drove over there yesterday to do a pass through. Just to see and know where we were going. And to give me a reminder on how not to miss my one left turn.

It also didn’t help that my mother told me they were calling for rain today. Checking the weather proved her right. It also showed the rain should not be starting until after my son was supposed to be at the airport. I prayed it waited until I got home. Driving in the dark is difficult enough. Driving in the dark in the rain would be a nightmare.

My son actually packed last night. This morning he put his bag in my car and came in to wait. Both dogs knew we were up to something. They watched us closely, they followed our footsteps through the house. Bella kept stopping and looking at her leash. If we were going anywhere, she wanted to go as well. When time came to leave, Bella came with us, but I ended up closing Molly up in the bathroom. She can’t escape that room. She would have been fine out in the house if it wasn’t for the kittens. Even though they are safe in the kennel, if she had gotten into the room where they are she would have frightened them badly. Once that was done, we were on our way.

The trip to the airport was uneventful We arrived and my son backed up into a spot to park so he could get his bag without impeding traffic. As I moved around to take the driver seat, I managed to get a hug, tell him to be safe and that I loved him. He actually this time told me “I love you too” and then, he was gone. Swallowed up by the growing crowd and the inner workings of the airport. I got in the car, gave Bella a pet and prepared to pull out.

And I did it. I managed to drive around the airport and along the road to the exit area. I merged left, merged left again and even a third time but thought I was going to be in the lane that took you back through the airport so I unmerged. Passing under a bridge I saw I had been right, so I moved over and headed for the traffic signals. There was actually no one behind me. This early morning thing seemed to be perfect. Prayers were working and being answered.

As I headed for home, safely on the road I prefer, traffic was light. It was the golden hour before rush hour began. A vehicle did come up behind me with headlights that made me glad for that pair of yellow glasses my son found in a trade in vehicle (he works as a mechanic for a dealership). He gave those to me months ago and I’ve used them several times. They do help.

On my way home, there is one bridge to cross. While I had not seen a road work ahead sign, I saw the cones closing the lane I was in. I moved over easily and began to cross the bridge. Here is where I am glad I was in no hurry as a road work truck pulled directly into the road ahead of me causing me to slam on brakes. The truck was moving about in the work area and simply didn’t have enough room but wasn’t waiting on me, the only vehicle coming to pass. Poor Bella wasn’t prepared and when I hit the brakes she slammed into the back of my set, but she’s fine.

The rest of the way home was quiet with no other incidents. Once inside the house I went ahead and prepared a very early breakfast. As I was sitting down to eat my son called. He had made it through the TSA check points and was lectured because he had not taken the playstation he was carrying out of the bag. Other than that, he had a two hour wait for his flight. He was also hungry now that he was no longer nervous. When I asked what he had been nervous about, he said because of last time. Last time he barely  made it and had to sprint across the airport to make his flight. That was why he was so ready this morning and we left as early as we did. Lesson learned. And the admission that he does get nervous at times helped as well.

All that worry, all that anxiety was for nothing. Everything went well. I managed to make that turn that had me so bothered easily. I worked myself up into a bad state, I missed sleep, I’ve had physical reactions to the state I put myself in, for nothing. Fear is an enemy to our peace and I allowed it much too much space in my head. I was even trying to figure out anyway possible to get him there without my having to go. I was ready to bribe people to take him. In the end, I’m glad it was me that took him. I got a hug and I was able to prove to myself, I could do what scared me. I mean, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.Philippians 4:13

On second thought, maybe all that worry wasn’t for nothing. I spent a lot of time praying, and prayer does bring us closer to God. I just have to learn to quit taking back the things I hand to Him. If I had done that, there would not have been anywhere near the anxious moments or loss of sleep. And now, as I finish writing this, I hear the rain falling. God held it off for nearly an hour and a half after I got home.

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About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
This entry was posted in adventure, dogs, encouragement, faith, family, inspiration, life's journey, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Learning to Trust and Let Go

  1. pkadams says:

    Good for you! You were scared and you did it anyway! That’s how you get better. Been there too many times . In fact I have a 4.5 hour driving trip this weekend that I’m anxious about. In the past I would have been excited! Now I have a fear of driving that
    I’m trying to get rid of. I know it will be okay, but my mind keeps trying to worry . God is good though. He knows and he’s helping me and you.

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