Lessons I am Being Taught

Our testing is ongoing.

I do recognize the fact I am being taught and tested. Life and the struggles that come with it are like the fire that purifies precious metals. It isn’t meant to be easy, as easy lessons are often quickly forgotten. While these are my thoughts and journey, it is also my hope that someone may find inspiration among the words.

I spend the greater amount of my time alone for the most part. I do have family members close by, but they have lives of their own. I do spend time with my parents, understanding and recognizing the gift and blessing it is for them to still be with us at their age. Otherwise, it is usually me and the dogs and cats. I am not intending to be singing a poor me song, because I see this as a lesson.

As a teen I did not date much. I ended up marrying the first man who said he loved me. A big mistake that set a series of issues in motion. But God, has a way of turning bad things into things of worth. For approximately five years of troubles and sorrows, I have a life time of lessons and understanding. While everyone’s journey is different, every storm has its own difficulties, my journey has given me an understanding of the underlying pain. I have dealt with domestic violence and I have been one to drink too much. Now, free of both but for the lessons learned.

Sitting here now, in the silence but for a radio playing softly and the birds singing in the woods out back, there is a contentment mixed in with the solitude. My life is in a ‘be still’ time, a time of learning, growth and understanding. A time of learning better patience, stronger compassion, a more precise understanding of what is going on around me. I understand too, that many of the things that tend to drag me down, are being shown to me. They are being brought out into the light so I can see, understand and remove the chaff from the wheat field of my life.

With every different moment and emotion, I am being taught.

When I see others able to go places and do things that are financially or in other ways, beyond me at the moment, I do envy them. I wanted to go see that artist in concert. I wanted to go to that ball game. I wanted to go to this or that event. Instead I sit and browse through the photos and wish. Envy, is wrong, it solves nothing. I can’t go back in time and change the circumstances that would allow me to attend. At the moment my finances aren’t about to change to allow my presence. I am being taught to be content with what I have and where I am able to go. A realization that major concerts are not where I need to be at this moment. For now, it is important that I learn to work through and rid myself of those jealous feelings.

Having taken early retirement, my finances are limited. Taking care of my folks means I can’t even take a part time job as I never know when there will be a need. Currently, I look at my house and the work that is needed. I don’t know what cost will be involved in the repairs, but I know it will take saving up before having it done. But, I have a home. It is safe. It is warm and dry. Within the walls are food, and hot showers. I have never wanted an overly large house, I am content here. I have listened to many others who are having worse issues. Whether it is with their home or neighbors or city limit restrictions and bills. I feel as if I am being taught and reminded that it could be worse. Just hang on, it will be all right.

Every once in a while my son will purchase a lottery ticket. The most he has ever won was around fifty dollars. Every time my mind wanders to what I would do if I won the lottery I also hear, “Child, do not seek earthly riches. Depend on and trust in me for your needs.” Winning a large lottery amount would take that away. I would be less inclined to lean on God and depend on winnings for my needs. Earthly riches are temporary, God is eternal.

I see the problems that people have in relationships. Whether it is romantic or among coworkers or friends. Society has become a battlefield in which we never know when one will blow up and a disagreement begin. Sitting out here feels to be a safe zone. I can sit here and watch, ready to offer a kind word, an encouraging word to the weary and battle scarred.

Often though, there are the emotions, the feelings of being forgotten. Those dark moments when you feel neglected because of the limited moments of visibility. Those moments when that part of you simply wants to feel recognized and remembered. The inner earthly child that wants to pout a bit, seeking what they feel was not given. Seeking a form of retribution for a perceived wrong. Even though I recognize and am thankful for the fact that by being laid off from where I once worked, God gifted me with the ability to take care of my parents, I still feel wronged. In my disappointment I would talk of giving them just short of thirty years of my life to be dumped like a day’s trash. So many times over the years I had been told I would have a job, only to find that to be a lie. Even as I feel less hurt, it is not fully healed and one of the lessons I am working through. Back in August, I received a lot of birthday wishes, but the one place I had hoped to see it mentioned, it went ignored. Even as I can give many reasons, even as I can say there is no going back and changing that, let it go. The inner child pouts which means the lessons continue.

I feel that I am learning. The fact that I can recognize that every event, each moment is a lesson affirms that to me. I do understand that as a sojourner in this life, every path, every hill and valley, every storm we face, is a lesson. With every wrong part of our being that we discard, we become better and more like Jesus the Christ, which is what we are supposed to be working toward. When we show peace over anger, love over hate, compassion over indifference, we are growing. We are becoming who we are meant to be. Though the journey is not an easy one, the lessons hard learned, in the end, the journey and results are worth the struggle. I know too, that I do not walk this journey alone. God walks with me every step of the way.

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About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
This entry was posted in adventure, education, encouragement, faith, inspiration, life's journey, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Lessons I am Being Taught

  1. Re-Farmer says:

    “Sitting here now, in the silence but for a radio playing softly and the birds singing in the woods out back, there is a contentment mixed in with the solitude.”

    That sounds like heaven to me! I’m a hermit by nature. Even though we are now on a farm and relatively isolated, we’re still not isolated enough – and as much as I love my family, and that the girls chose to move out here to help take care of the place, and their father, I would love to be able to have a place where I can be completely alone.

    The financial thing is always a hard one. We’ve been living on one income since we had kids, and making do with whatever we have is just how it is. The frustrating thing is when people who are in completely different financial and life situations can’t quite understand why we don’t spent money on the things *they* think we should be spending money on. Some of them actually get angry when I refuse to stray from out budget. Yeah, we might have money in the bank to do X, but that money is earmarked for Y and Z, which won’t get paid for if we do X. Why is that so hard to understand?

    • You nailed it fully. I would love to attend more, but I simply cannot afford going to so many restaurants who expect you to order something. But, when they do things that don’t have a high cost, I’m in

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