Reminder to “Be Still…”

When you are trying so hard to ignore the words that are causing unintentional hurt. When you hint, but the hints are not recognized. When every word they speak is like a knife driving deeper but you take it because you know if you speak up, the potential for creating pain for them is great. You understand and recognize their pain, even as they do not understand nor recognize yours.  So you sit and you listen seeking a distraction, seeking relief. Something that only comes with the end of conversation as the other individual walks away.

That was my yesterday. Though it happens often. Trying to be understanding and compassionate is difficult. Trying to let them talk even as their words drive a dagger of emotional hurt deeper and deeper. When you want to scream out “But you….” and you know you can’t. They need a sounding board and today it is you. All while you flounder. All while you want to ask, “can’t you see my pain? Can’t you hear my hurt, my suffering?” Knowing that their darkness of the moment obscures any signs of yours.

Grief is a demon. It knows how to create the worst struggles and create the deepest fears. It creates an insecurity within your belief of self and your abilities. It is a monster that spreads the darkest of emotions with a depth where one feels as if they are drowning. Swimming in the depths is hurt, loneliness, anger, fear all of the negative emotions that seek to drag you down into the darkness. It doesn’t matter whether the one you mourn has been gone hours or years, grief is that tide that rises and falls continuously. It is not a hurt one heals from, it is a hurt that one learns to live with. In various ways I have seen the words, grief is love with nowhere to go. Real love, deep abiding love, once felt, never leaves. No matter who it is that has moved on into the next existence. No matter who death has taken, though physically they are gone, love remains. Missing them, remains.

I’m sitting here now, listening to the rain falling outside. The house is quiet and the pain from yesterday has eased as the wave of grief has once again receded. The falling rain is the summer shower, steady falling type rain, not the storm type that has me keeping check on whether the drain under the house has become blocked. It is the type where the still green leaves on the trees are deeper and rich in their color. The sound a comforting, rhythmic pattering that is calming to the spirit. Through the open windows drifts a cool breeze. Otherwise, there is silence. With that silence is peace. Within that silence, is a reminder.  Be still and know:

But what about that grief thing? As Followers, as Believers in Jesus the Christ, what about grief. How does being still help that? There are answers here: There are many links available with a variety of responses and answers. Grief is a natural response. It is a real feeling and not one to be upset or guilty over feeling. As long as we do not remain trapped there.

For me, yesterday was a difficult day, because I couldn’t get an individual to see my pain through theirs. I was having a very human self pity moment. I was standing on my own weak and failing strength. My thoughts and emotions in a turmoil when they simply should have been still. I have been here before, I know what I need to do, but rather than go to the Father with my sorrow, I wanted someone who was deep in their own hurt to step aside and see mine. When all the while, Father God was waiting for me to come speak to Him. He was waiting for me to hand over my sorrow, my hurt, my very real pain to Him. He was ready to be my strength, to be my fortress in the battle. All I needed to do, was turn to Him.

I have done this often. I have found a quiet place to spend time with Him. Walking in private and either talking out loud or within my heart. Carrying on the conversation, sharing all the burdens I was carrying to the One who had the answers. Within those walks, I can feel the weight lifting. Within those moments, I feel the comforting peace fill my heart and lift and heal my injured spirit.

Yesterday was hard because I had draped a mantel of sorrow over my shoulder and clutched it to my chest. The feelings one of familiarity even though painful. Accepting the pain I know as a meant to happen moment. Survivor guilt? The belief that I should not be happy because I still live? Thoughts that are understandable, but so very wrong. We each have a set time. We each have purpose to fulfill. We do not know when our or anyone’s time will be finished. We should not allow grief to steal any of that time away from us. It is precious and with purpose and we should be about that purpose. When the sad times come, when the struggles show up, when the darkness threatens, we know the Light of the World and need only lean on Him. Allow Him to lighten our burden and guide our path and strengthen our heart and spirit.

Today, as the rain falls and I am safely cocooned within this home, my heart is at peace. Because my Lord has drawn me close and reminded me, that He is always with me. All I need do is be still.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
This entry was posted in adventure, education, encouragement, faith, growth, Imagine, inspiration, life's journey, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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