I simply haven’t had many words.
There are those days when I sit and stare at the screen, and there is nothing. It seems that all the thoughts in my head are either scrambled or gone. There is a frustration that comes with that, you want to write. You hunger for the words to share, yet do not want what you write to be mere gibberish. The words must have worth and purpose, not something simply to fill a page.
It is those days where I berate myself, you call yourself a writer and yet, have no words? What sort of writer is that? It is one who will simply not share just anything without care or concern of value. I want what I write, to offer something.
A moment of laughter. I share stories from time to time of events that have happened in the hopes of bringing a smile or even better, a laugh. Like the time I was going for a walk. I head out of the house and down the hill into the woods. At the point in the path where if you turned to the left you would go to dad’s small pond, there is a mountain laurel bush. As I neared it, lost in my own little world, suddenly a tree stepped out in front of me. Yes, I screamed. It was my brother in full hunter’s camo. He had wanted to show me a couple of deer that were drinking at the pond. Of course my scream scared them away. But think about it…if a tree suddenly came at you from nowhere, wouldn’t you make some noise? I finished my walk and went directly to our parent’s house where I told what had happened. If there was any embellishing to be done, it was going to come from me. I was still there when my brother showed up to tell his side. I laughed and told him “beat ya”. He just grinned.
A moment of peace. Nature has been given to us for a purpose. I love being able to hike through wooded areas. It doesn’t matter if it is my own backyard or along park trails. To be able to get out into the woods, listening to the birds, seeing what ever woodland critter may be along the way, eases the stress of life. When you pay attention, you can feel the stress fading. It is also good exercise so that is a two for one deal. I want that moment to be found within and among the words.
A moment of education. I rarely try to teach anyone how to do something. I share what or how I do something at times but mostly, I want to offer a seed of thought. I want to light a spark of curiosity. I hope to increase a level of understanding. I hope to open an understanding that there are so many different types among us. Because one or one’s ways are different, doesn’t make them or their ways wrong. As long as it isn’t illegal or immoral, seeking an understanding of the differences is where we can find an education and growth.
A moment of hope. There are times when the light seems dim, the world empty. I have stood at my back door looking out at a place I love, and feeling nothing. My thoughts are silent, my emotions blank. Life has changed so much over the last five years. In many ways, it is better and I know I am blessed. Yet, there are the days when I miss my husband, I even miss the ‘strong conversations’. There are moments when I miss working, even as I know my blessing of being able to be here for my parents. There are moments when I feel alone, abandoned, forgotten. Even as I find contentment most days in the solitude. Where is the hope here? It is in the understanding that even at my lowest, most lonely points, I’m not alone. Jesus is with me always. The Holy Spirit indwells and lives within, always with me, always guiding and comforting. https://www.gotquestions.org/I-am-with-you-always.html I want to share that even in the silence, there are words of hope to be heard. We need only to listen.
A moment of courage. A moment of faith over fear. Recently I had to do something I really, seriously did not want to do and I made sure my fear was not a secret. I did not want to take my son to the airport or worse, go back to pick him up when he returned. It isn’t that I didn’t want him to go, I was fine with his going. I didn’t want to drive outside my comfort zone and that was way out of my comfort zone. It was so far outside of it that google had a difficult time finding my strength and courage. Yet not too far for God. He sent people to encourage me, to tell me they believed in me, and even information on where to go and what to do when I arrived. Even though my entire drive home from the airport at four in the morning wasn’t too bad, I prayed all the way home. Comfortable only when I was on familiar roads. All the way to the airport that evening, I prayed all the way there. I only made one minor mistake, otherwise I was fine. Someone recently gave me a wooden plaque that has Let your faith be bigger than your fear. I have a baseball cap that says, faith over fear. It is my mantra and my belief, even if I struggle. I do know though that in those moments of struggle, God isn’t disappointed in me, because He knows our humanity has its weak moments. It is then He draws me closer and whispers, “Trust me”.
Before I go further, I know there are different levels of courage and fear. There are many things in this life that we will find ourselves facing. There are many events we will have to stand up to and or against. Whether we are facing a health crisis, watching a wildfire approach or any fire destroying our home, or a financial struggle. There are countries where the citizens do not live in fear of war, but many countries where they fear constantly. Just as there are different levels of fear, so too does courage have its variety of levels and methods of dealing with what is faced. Fear is fear. It can be debilitating or it can be a source of finding one’s courage and strength.
A moment of love. There are so many different levels and types of love. Whether it is the romantic love, the love for family, or the love of friendships. Whether it is the love of certain activities or animals. We are instructed to love others. Do you believe we can do that, even though we may not like things about them? We may not like things they say or what they do, but we can love them as fellow humans. We may not like or agree with their beliefs, but we can still love them. We may not like chosen lifestyles, whether they drink too much, or partake of illegal substances, or if they play music so loud you can’t hear yourself think, but you can still love them as fellow humans. God created us all. He created us to be different for a reason. He loves us all, no matter what. We are instructed to do the same.
I want to write. I want to share. But I want to make sure what I write and share has purpose and worth. Every plant that grows, has a purpose, has a worth. Trees give much. They create oxygen, shade, homes for a multitude of wildlife. Flowers bring beauty and food for many. (That dandelion that you call a weed and seek to destroy? You can make an herbal, healthy tea from that.) Every person born, has worth and purpose. I only seek to enhance that through my writing.
Words from The Dirt Road 