Facing fear, is not easy. Usually the build up to facing the thing you are afraid of, ends up being worse than the actual event. Yet often, even knowing that, we often allow our anxiety free reign. Or well, I do anyway.
I don’t often do this, but since I made mention of parts of it yesterday on social media, I’m sharing this now. My son planned an adventure a few weeks ago. The issue, he had to fly out meaning he needed a way to the airport. The airport is on the outside of Charlotte. If at all possible, I avoid going anywhere near Charlotte. It is simply too big, too busy and too intimidating to me. That said, guess who ended up taking him to Charlotte? Yeah, me.
The good thing is that he chose a flight that left out early. The flight left at six this morning but he had to be there at four. That meant we should have left the house at three thirty to arrive on time. That didn’t happen. Still, traffic was very light and we made decent time. He drove there and we switched in the drop off area. I had to find my way out of the airport and home on my own. That was the main creator or my anxiety, finding my way out of the airport and on the correct road home.
The anxiety kept me from sleeping well last night. I woke often trying to remember the name of the road I needed to be on. Which lanes to be in at what time. I avoided looking at the clock beside my bed right up until it said eight minutes until three. I figured I might as well get up, what’s eight minutes? As I stumbled from bed I glanced at my watch. My watch said five minutes until two? I walked into the kitchen to check that clock. It was the same as the watch, my phone was the same as the watch. Stupid alarm clock was an hour fast. (Yes, I know who set it but still) I climbed back into bed as a confused dog watched me, not sure what was happening.
When it was time to get up I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed. I had contacts to fight with. There are times I cannot get them in right to spite me. Finally had them in and grabbed a bite to eat while waiting for my son. The one thing about us, we are never on time leaving for adventures. I was always early for work, on time for doctor or important appointments, but vacation trips? Never on time leaving. I also had to go pull the sheets I have draped over the jeep because of the cats. I washed the jeep the other day to remove the thousand or so tracks and would like to prevent a return.
My son finally came dragging in, grabbed a bite to eat to hold him over while I got the leash for Bella, she was going with me. The bad thing is she thought we were headed for a mountain hike. Not in the dark sweet pup, not in the dark. My son’s driving managed to get us there pretty close to the time for check in. He didn’t speed, he’s just more confident in his interstate driving. As he climbed out I did the same and walked around the car. It was go time.
I pulled away from him and headed out. I was glad for the very light traffic and for the pair of yellow glasses my son found. They do help cut down on headlights coming at me. I was searching for the sign showing the intersection I needed. All the signs showed the way to the interstate which I wasn’t planning on taking. I knew the road I wanted was before the interstate, but I still missed my turn. I realized too late I was in the wrong lane and was too far up to move over to where I needed to be. When the traffic light changed to green, I drove up to the first spot I found, did a u-turn and headed back to the road I wanted. I then proceeded to catch nearly every red light between the airport and where I finally turned off to head to the house. I was around two miles from home when my son called to make sure I was okay and not circling the airport lost in some weird twilight zone nightmare.
I finally got home and let a disappointed Bella out of the car. Once in the yard she got a good drink of water and waited while I let her inside. Every time she crosses the living room though she rests her nose on her leash and looks at me with those big sad eyes. I would take her but it looks as if it is going to rain at any moment. After she was inside and I put my belongings down, I went back outside and covered the jeep. I then came back inside, removed my contacts and went back to bed. Current adventure complete. Anxiety overcome.
That was a long lead in to this, fear is a demon that will, if allowed, cause one to miss out on many adventures. I know, as I’ve missed many due to those dragons called anxiety and fear. I can come up with a boatload of reasons and excuses, in the end, I allowed fear to trap me at home missing out.
It also can cause us to stand back and not reach out to help when needed. When we see someone hungry, someone injured, someone lost, and we cover our back with, its not my concern. I can’t give money because what if they buy drugs? I can’t help someone injured because what if its a trap or they turn and hurt me? What if..is the brother to anxiety and fear. It prevents many good things from taking place.
These dragons prevent an enjoyable experience when allowed. I can’t dance or sing because those watching may laugh at me. I can’t bring food or gifts because what if they don’t like what I bring? I can’t go, because I may not fit in with the ones attending and they may ostracize me which would be embarrassing. I can’t stand up for this, that or the other thing, because what if the ones who disagree attack me with threats, with accusations, with down right lies? I can’t share my faith, because those who don’t believe may accuse me of being something I’m not. Accusations of trying to force what I believe, accusations of my faith creating situations that it doesn’t.
We can allow anxiety to be the dragon that prevents or it can be the dragon that gives us courage and strength over fear. It is our choice.
Words from The Dirt Road 
Great no idea photo! Of your son, thank’s for share, Rebecca.
yeah, I’m not sure if he took that as he was leaving Charlotte or arriving somewhere in Texas..
Ok, that was great. Thank’s
I understand, my friend. Do you use a GPS app to navigate ? It helps me so much to have the voice telling me which lane to be in and how far to the next turn or exit! Of all the technology, gps has changed my life the most. I use Google maps but lately I’ve found that the Apple map app is really good, too,
I have, but this was drive around the hub to the main intersection and then after taking a left go straight back to my town. If it had been more complicated I would have set the phone up.
Gotcha !