With each passing day, each passing moment, my mind moves more toward tomorrow. Tomorrow will be the five year anniversary of your leaving this life for your Heavenly one. Even as I have come to some semblance of peace, there is still a missing you that is always here. The memories of you, in various places within and around the house. How could it have been five years and yet, how has it not been an eternity?

The following was one of the memories that popped up in today’s memories from 2020. I don’t know what all will be in tomorrow’s memories, but I’m sure it will be full, just as my heart and memory is full. I am stronger now than I was, each day I find a new strength, a new peace, then a memory will show me, remind me, there is still that pain of missing. Missing the person, the love, the frustrations in the moments of heated conversation and the moments of peace in his arms.

At just before 4 pm on March 7th of 2017, just as we were ending the shift doing what was required to shut down the machines, I get a phone call. I had been trying to reach my husband all day with no luck. I thought the person calling would have the reason. They did.

Earlier in the day, my husband had been found deceased in his truck at a truck stop in Indiana. The truck was idling, the windows were down. he was found sitting on his bunk, slumped over as if he was tying his shoes. He just never raised up. The Lord said, “that’s enough. You’ve struggled long and hard, you’ve tried, you’ve done your best, now come home to me.” And the angels took his hand and lead him home.

So now here I sit, hours away from all of those memories that will show up on face book. All of the memories that will flood the mind and sadden the heart.

I do miss him. He was the one person, that even when he didn’t understand my own unique madness, he still merely shook his head, laughed and told James “that’s your mom” No one since then has been able to find that level of acceptance. I won’t change me to suit anyone.

Anyway. Tomorrow, I will see the memories shared. I will allow the memories, some sad, some silly, some loving, and I’ll feel the emotions, I’ll accept the degree of sadness and then tuck them away once again and step forward. I miss him, but I wouldn’t ask him back for anything. I know he’s healthy, he’s happy with the Lord and the family who have gone on before. I’m sure he was there when Michael walked through the gates of Heaven.

Tomorrow will come. Tomorrow will be faced. Tomorrow will be put back in its place in the memory book. Its fitting that its on the day that come night, we will spring forward, tomorrow, I will spring forward on toward that new normal. Its a continual journey, and I still have a ways to go.


About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
This entry was posted in encouragement, faith, family, inspiration, life's journey, memories, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Tomorrow

  1. 😞 Sending you lots of prayers and hugs. Take good care of yourself.

  2. This brings me tears.
    The Lord embrace you in His comfort as sadness and memories come.
    God bless you.

  3. I’m praying for your peace and comforting memories.

  4. elvira797mx says:

    Dear Rebecca, I want to send you a cup of tea full of blessings, peace and love yourself.
    Have a relaxing time, enjoy tea, music your flowers, keep well!
    God bless you.

  5. Peace for today and tomorrow.

  6. Blanca says:

    Blessings and peace to cope with such a difficult day.

  7. Sunra Rainz says:

    This is such a beautiful moving post, Rebecca. Thank you for sharing this ❤

  8. pkadams says:

    💕 hugs and prayers as you remember your beloved .

    • Thank you, all are greatly appreciated.

      • pkadams says:

        My mom remembers my dad’s passing every year by going to the place they both enjoyed, the casino. She went this weekend. He died young, only 64. Maybe you can do something like that , something that makes you feel close to your husband.

      • My husband would have turned 64 on his birthday in June had he made it. He was planning on going ahead and taking early retirement. I think that has been the main thing bothering me about my taking early retirement, the fact he didn’t get to do that.
        I have done that in the past. I would go to our favorite place to eat, but they are closed on Monday so I’ll need to think of something else.

  9. Kindness wisdom Sending out hugs to you and your family 👪

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