There she blows.
We knew it was coming as the weather folks had been warning us of the storm’s approach. I made all the preparations that I could just in case. All the while I was hoping that it wouldn’t be too bad. We were informed it would arrive around midnight. Last night,when I prepared to call it a night, I turned the radio in this room up louder in the hopes of covering the sounds of the wind. Then, in vain confidence, I turned off the lights and went to bed.
I was sleeping so well, then the barking began. I leaned over and glanced at the clock, it was almost midnight. I’m not sure why, maybe a still sleep fogged brain, but I thought, if I ignore her maybe she will stop. No, she only got louder and more frantic. Her barking even woke my son. I heard his door opening and him moving to close the door to this room. It did muffle the sound somewhat, but I could still hear her barking. Continuously. It was obvious why she was barking as she was, the winds. I could hear the wind howling around the house, sounding as if a creature from the depths of the earth had escaped and was circling my house. With each trip around they were causing the windchimes to play loudly and erratically. I love them, Molly does not.
After a few moments, I felt bad for her and her fear and got up. Bella and I came in here and sat with her. Well, we sat, Molly paced. Molly tried to get under my desk. Molly got as close to us as she could. At one point she had Bella so annoyed that she was beginning to growl at Molly. For the sake of all involved, I sent Bella back to my bedroom where she could sleep in peace. I then settled in here with Molly. Watching her while I sat here, you could see the fear and confusion she was suffering through. What is that? Why is it making all that noise? Will it hurt me? Where can I hide? My presence appeared to be helping, she seemed to feel a little safer with me here. So I sat here with her, yawning repeatedly but determined to wait out the storm and Molly’s fear.
It was going on two in the morning when the winds began to calm as did Molly. First she stretched out in the floor near my feet and then moved over to the dog bed behind me. I watched as she curled up and relaxed, beginning to drift into sleep. She finally felt safe. I made sure the radio was playing at a level that covered the now much lower sounds of the wind but not too loud. Closing the door I headed back for bed. As my head reached the pillow, I could hear the rain falling outside, but it didn’t sound ominous, it was just rain passing through.
Fear is a horrible emotion. When allowed, it prevents enjoying life. If one lives in fear, is one actually living or merely existing?
I will not proudly but readily admit that there are fears I hold which often prevent me from participating and enjoying events. That little voice that whispers, “You’ll get lost on the way there or back” “No one will talk with you, because you don’t fit in” on and on the voice whisper lies that have me holding back and missing out. My excuse, I feel uncomfortable going alone. I don’t like being alone when most everyone else is with one or more others. If my son goes, I happily go, because I’m not alone. Even if we end up separating I know he is there somewhere. I may be momentarily standing by myself, but technically, I’m not alone.
That, is something I have had to learn and continue to remind myself moment by moment. I am not alone, I am never alone. As a Christian, God is with me always. His Holy Spirit indwells within me. The fears that I feel, are not from Him. They are lies told to prevent enjoying this gift of life. The devil knows our weaknesses and readily uses them against us. My fears of not fitting in, born from not fitting in and being laughed at in school is a wound that hasn’t fully healed. That rhyme of, sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me, is one of the biggest lies we are told. Words do hurt and they hang around. All the hurtful words I have been told, echo in my memory. All those words are repeated in the whispers of the voice on my shoulder determined to stop me from living.
But I’m learning, and I’m growing, and I’m finding ways to silence the voice. I’m drawing closer to the Lord who loves me, who is there for me, who comforts me in my fears and pain. I am learning moment by moment, to let my faith be bigger than my fears, to feel the peace that comes in this relationship with God. To give to Him, my fears and worries and walk away. They are not my burden to bear.
Here is a good site explaining how we are not given a spirit of fear: https://www.revival.com/a/455-god-did-not-give-us-a-spirit-of-fear
He is my strength: https://dailyverses.net/strength
He is my strength, and comfort: https://testimon.io/blog/bible-verses-for-comfort-strength
I have found that the more I rely on God, when I draw my strength from Him, the fear grows ever more faint. As I have learned and continue to learn how to walk physically alone, I have learned to walk more spiritually with Him. That walk creates a greater peace within my spirit and mind. It is my weakness, this fear. I know the devil will use that constantly against me. Yet in that, it moves me closer to God and a stronger walk in faith. In that, I am learning faith over fear brings peace. As I sat here with Molly during the storm, so God is with me during mine. Knowing that, brings a much greater calm to my spirit and peace to my soul. It is in that knowledge, that God is with me, is where the calm resides.