Depression does not care who you are, or what you have. Grief is the monster lurking in the shadows, waiting its opportunity.
I’ve been sitting here staring out the window at the once again overcast sky. Another winter storm is approaching. The precipitation shouldn’t arrive until this evening according to all the weather prognosticators, but I need to get wood on the porch. Its easier to move that old garden cart with the flat tires over dirt than snow. Its one hundred percent easier to simply step out onto the porch for an armload of wood or single stick, than struggle across the yard to where its stacked. But, for the moment, I’m sitting here staring out the window, trapped in a moment of sadness. Struggling through the feelings of being almost totally alone. I have my family and I have friends, but they have lives and are rarely available. But, one should not depend on others for their happiness. Companionship from time to time yes, happiness, no.
There are many possible reasons for the sadness, currently mine is the shadow of grief that I’m working through and the isolation created by winter and the fears of others, over the virus. It is also a matter of trying to be financially frugal. All things I have mentioned before.
One thing about me, I try to handle things on my own. My son is doing the same. Take care of yourself and your family. Try not to ask for help, it may show signs of inability to care for yourself or your family. It may show weakness. It may give the appearance that you do not care and want others to fill in where you lack. It may cause you to feel indebted. You may feel as if you are taking something that someone else could use more than you. It is a struggle with us, but even my son understands that some times, you simply must reach out.
As a Christian, I know that while I may be alone physically, I am never alone spiritually. My faith is a relationship, one where the Holy Spirit indwells assuring God is always with me. Even when the depression attempts to hide that from me. Even when the grief, swells like an ocean storm, the waves threatening to swamp my spirit and drown me in the feelings of loss. I am not alone. I am never alone and that is important to remember and declare.
A part of the sadness and grief, is fear. Being afraid of forever being alone. Feeling as if there will never be another to have that special bond. Fear of not fitting in with others. Fear of facing struggles not knowing if you are strong enough, capable enough, to do things on your own. Not realizing that we are not given a spirit of fear, that is not of God. That is something meant to prevent us from living life abundantly. If we are afraid, we seclude ourselves and hide from what we do not feel capable of accomplishing. We hide away from the different, the new, the adventure of life. We hide, and we miss the joys that are available.
That asking for help thing. It is important to remember, when we allow others to help us, we are granting them a blessing. For it is a blessing to be able to help when someone is in need and we have what could help them. It doesn’t always have to be money. It can be time. It can be conversation. It can be a sandwich or a bottle of water. It can be a pair of gloves, a warm coat, a load of firewood.
It is an amazing and wondrous thing how the Bible is filled with the messages needed for everything that we can face in this life. Whether we are the one in need, or the one able to take care of the need. God is there, waiting. He is telling us that if we only come to Him, He will handle our every storm. He knows that we will face these things. Being afraid, being depressed, feeling grief, is all a part of being human. There is no shame in the feelings. But the answers, the safe haven, the peace, awaits for the asking. For the accepting. It doesn’t matter if no one around us has the time for us, God always does.