December Thirty-first The Year I Said See You Later

The following was in my memories over on Facebook, it was written at the end of 2017, the year I lost my husband. The year everything I knew, was ripped apart. Everything was changed, rearranged and put in a new place.

To Walk Unafraid

The last day of 2017 has arrived. I have never been as glad as I am now, to see a year end. What a year this has been. What a crazy, mixed up, scary, sad, joyful year this has been.

The first couple of months of the year began just as any other. All the normal stuff, working, home, my husband on the road, my husband home. Then came the seventh day of March and everything changed and nothing will ever be the same. On the seventh day of March, at two minutes before four in the afternoon, as we were preparing to shut down the department for the day, I found out that my husband had been found deceased in his truck. All of the reactions I had heard about happening, happened. A kick to the stomach, a knife to the heart, the very breath stolen from my lungs, loss unimaginable. I sat there, alone in the office, stunned.

The day I found out, I spoke with many people. Some conversations I remember, some are shadows in my mind. I do remember sitting on the porch with my sister-in-law for hours. We talked, we sat in silence, we watched the many solar lights along my fence as they came on, one by one. As the hour grew late, the night dark and the air chilly, I bid her goodnight and as she left, I went inside.

In the week and a half that it took to get his earthly body home, I sat in shock and disbelief. I kept hoping that I’d get a call telling me that there had been a mistake. I kept hoping that he would call laughing, with a how did you like that attitude. Instead, when his body was home, and his service taking place the following day, it began. Finding that new normal. Finding a way, to walk unafraid.

As a Christian, my faith is my guide. My belief is my hope. My walk, is my life. Each day, as I grow more faithful, more trusting, it is less my life and more His. I have felt the presence of my Savior in my life before, years ago when I fought breast cancer. I felt Him as He walked with me every day through the woods behind the house. I felt His presence when I was undergoing the radiation treatments. I felt His presence, when my husband was out of work during that time, and I knew that everything would turn out okay. We were blessed greatly, our needs taken care of then, as I knew they would be now.

When my husband passed away, the Lord blessed us through the gifts of others. The gifts of presence, the financial gifts, the gifts of the prayers of so many. Our needs were met, have always been met. My Savior, has never abandoned me, He has shown me, love like none other. In Him alone, I find my strength.

This year, I have learned how to do many things on my own. I have grown, even as I have more growing to do. I have found strength that I never knew I had. I have gone from standing frozen at the gate, gazing down toward where my husband always parked his truck, to opening that gate and hiking a mountain. I feel that it is a start toward greater things. That one small step thing.

My husband, called me honey, he called me dear. He called me several variations of my name. My Savior, calls me to Him . He calls me several variations of my name. Most importantly my Savior, calls me Loved.

As I learn, to walk unafraid, even as I don’t often make New Year’s resolutions, this year, my thoughts are on walking even closer with the Lord that has kept me strong in the face of uncertainty. He has walked with me, He has strengthened and gifted me. My only hope, is to learn more, to live more, to show more, the love that He has shown to me. Strong, faithful…and unafraid.

Obviously if you have read much of what I’ve written, you know I still struggle with that unafraid thing. I will write more on that later..The above as I said was written the last day of 2017, I have edited it slightly for clarity. Memories of the heart. I miss you my husband, but I will see you later, when my time comes.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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2 Responses to December Thirty-first The Year I Said See You Later

  1. Beautiful demonstration of walking in faith in the midst of heartache and uncertainty. Thank you for sharing, God bless you, and may your walk in 2022 bring you peace and joy, in much the same way you have provided it to others in your posts.

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