Day346; Footnotes of Signs of Comfort

When that cake of cornbread comes complete with message.

I won’t lie, I’ve been struggling. Its the time of year for celebration and joy but for me, even as I tried, joy seemed to be missing. I’ve done the things I’ve done in the past. I strung all the lights outside, crawling around on the roof and hanging the wreaths on the front of the house. The tree has been up for weeks now, well decorated and lit. Outwardly, I seemed ready for Christmas. Inwardly, not so much. Something has been missing.

I’ve been depressed because finances has me wondering how I was going to purchase any gifts. I’m still paying for that propane and I really didn’t want to use my credit card but I will if need be. I want to do something for my family. Though I know that my family would not want me to do myself any financial harm. Yet, being in this position contributes to the struggle.

There are going to be more things added to my list of things to cook for Christmas. The pressure is real because some of these things I have never done before and I fear messing up gloriously.

But mostly, I have been missing my late husband. Its been almost five years. Usually I do fine. I go through each day, making my way forward. I grow, I learn, I heal. I have found a level of peace with his death and I’ve found a contentment in my status as widow.

Except for here lately. I have missed him desperately. I have missed those phone calls, his annoying comments and actions. I have missed his hugs. So many things have happened in the last four plus years that I wanted to talk with him about. Oh I know I can. I can find a quiet place and talk to my heart’s content. It isn’t quite the same, since there are usually no responses.

Then, there was tonight.

I prepared a big pot of chili. As it was heating, I decided to bake a cake of cornbread. I haven’t done this in a while. When it was ready, I removed it from the oven and turned it out onto a plate. I set the pan aside and reached for a knife to cut the cornbread. When I turned back I saw where the cornbread had stuck in the very center of the pan. Looking at the cornbread, the missing piece, had formed a heart. My late husband loved cornbread and every time I prepared chili, there had better be cornbread. I am a firm believer in signs. Tonight, I think he was letting me know that he’s still looking out for us.

As a Christian, I know that no matter what I face, I don’t face it alone. I know that God knows all of our battles, all of our struggles and concerns. He desires that we bring those to Him. He wishes to comfort, to encourage, strengthen and take care of our needs. If we would only bring them to Him. Tonight, a small heart shaped design in a cake of cornbread let me know, I’m not dealing with my problems alone. Never alone. God can let us know through any variety of means. Prophets, dreams, a burning bush, His Son, a fresh baked cake of cornbread. My heart feels better.