Another one bites the dust, into our memories it goes.
Good-bye November, today is your last day of this year. You have been a good month. I started to add, if such a things exists now, but yes, it does. Even if part of it is in our memories. There is an old saying, life is what you make of it. We should strive to make as many memories as possible while working to make life good.
Last night I met my son at a local restaurant. I wasn’t planning on going but after several phone conversations, I ended up strolling into the place. I met a friend of my son’s who was moving half way across the country and had stopped to take a break from driving, say hello and get a meal. At one point they walked outside leaving me sitting alone, in a restaurant full of people. I glanced around and saw couples and families enjoying their time together. I sat at a table momentarily alone, feeling the all familiar loneliness trying to creep into my head.
I realized what was happening quickly. I had two choices. I could allow the feeling free reign and to swamp my emotional state, or I could start stacking the sandbags. I chose the sandbags. I have a good family. I have a home. I have a caring, attentive son, I have friends. I have my writing. Each have, another sandbag of defense. Yes, I am alone, I am single, by choice. I can come and go as I please. I can do as I choose without having to discuss it with anyone else. I can stay up late, or not. I can sleep late, or not. There is no one questioning my choices. I am not anti relationship. There may come a day when this circumstance changes, but for now, I seek to make memories. I seek to stride forward, growing in self discovery and strength. I have been told I am building walls. I’ve been told I’m running. When in fact, I am living as I choose and making memories of my choosing.
Something we all can do no matter where we find ourselves in life.
What I am saying here, are my thoughts and opinions. Observations gathered over time. Thoughts that may or may not work for others.
Before my husband died, we created many memories. We create a son, and we created adventures to be shared with him. Trips to the mountains, the beach, amusement parks, concerts or out in the back yard. We were a family living life. Then, suddenly, he was no longer living and it was me and my son. Everything I knew dissolved beneath my feet. I had to find a new path.
When a relationship ends, whether by a break up, a divorce or death, it is traumatic. Though the levels are different, the emotions not the same. With death, it is severed in a way that the one left knows, they are gone, they are no more, there are not as many questions. When a couple breaks apart, there are always questions of some sort in the mind and heart of the one feeling abandoned. That does not stop the need for moving on and finding that new path. Something that takes time and effort. The grieving process is different for everyone, and the time required for healing varies. The important thing is that we don’t allow grief to consume us. That we do not become so mired down we sink into the depths never to surface.
The mountain that I love to go and hike has a trail that has steps leading to the top. Three hundred and thirty six steps. They are divided into sections, whether deliberately or simply because of the way they had to be placed. When I reach those steps, I work to make it to each division before stopping if possible. There are times though when someone is coming along that I am my dog Bella, need to step aside and allow their passage.
That is how I have faced the healing process. I see it as steps moving upward to healing. I seek to reach a certain place and rest for a moment. There have been times when something would happen that I would need to step aside and allow that to pass, then I could begin again. At the mountain, I know that at the top of those steps is an amazing view. I know, that when I reach the point of being fully past the grief, something amazing waits.
For each of us those steps are as different as our needs and personality. Whether we miss the closeness, the conversation, the shared adventures, there is something we need to get beyond missing. Once we have started and reached a level in that process, we can begin living again.
Seeking new friends. Whether in jobs, group events, church..etc.
Seeking the activities that drive our sense of adventure. Mountain climbing, camping, hang gliding, surfing..etc..
Seeking the activities that fill our desire for creativity. Writing, dancing, acting, painting..etc..
Seeking to further our education. Listening to pod casts, going back to school, reading books of interest, etc..
Seeking to find our emotional balance. Through all of the above and through meditation and prayer.
Seeking ways to expend excess energy. Through exercise, through gardening or yard work or home repairs and remodeling, etc..
There are many ways, many paths that will take us beyond the dark, lonely moments. Paths that will lead us forward into being the better, stronger person. Leading us to many grand adventures, and in the process, give us many, many memories to hold close. We simply have to take that first step.