Day 297; Footnotes of Memories and Missing

 Another sad anniversary is approaching fast. I’m not sure I am ready.

I was sitting here this afternoon and felt the need to go walking in the woods out back. I haven’t really walked the woods lately other than down to the pond and back. Today, I needed to go further. So I put in my contacts, grabbed my camera and phone, then made sure of one vital thing. I grabbed my blaze orange cap and orange sweatshirt. Its hunting season after all. Even though it is Sunday, I was not going out into the woods, without that orange wear.

One of my brothers, loved to hunt. Especially deer. He even had the outfit. He also knew the rules, the precautions, the ways to stay safe. He made sure that I understood that especially during hunting season, to wear that blaze orange. To make sure that I was easily recognized as human and not deer.  Leukemia took him from us. I miss him.

There are times when I have a difficult time walking these woods I love, because he loved them as well. He knew every trail, every turn in the creek, every spot on the hillside that gave him the best view of the areas where the deer traveled. He had the ability to walk through these woods in silence. He could sit for long minutes watching as the critters of the wood would pass by totally unaware of his presence. He called me more than once to hurry with my camera for owl or rainbows or other things he knew I would want to photograph.

He was twenty-three months younger than me. He was my big little brother and like another brother could be a pain, but a much loved pain. He came to my rescue more than once for a variety of reasons. Here was here for me, for our mother, for his wife and kids. Then, he wasn’t. His death so sudden we were all left shocked and stunned. How could he be gone?

I walked today, down the hill and around the pond. I remembered the day I started down the hill to look up as a tree stepped out from behind a mountain laurel bush. yes, I screamed. Yes, it was my brother. Yes, three deer that he was going to show me so I could photograph them disappeared into the woods.

When the pond was first dug and allowed to fill, someone gave mom three white ducks and a pontoon boat. Years later, it was becoming difficult for mom and dad to walk down the steep hill every day to feed the ducks. Someone said they would take them to their place. So both of my brothers and their kids came down to assist in the round up. If only I had a way at the time to video that show. I laughed harder that day than I had in a long time. Needless to say no ducks were rounded up that day and they finished out their lives in the pond. 

I had a large rat snake get onto my back porch one afternoon. It was that day my brother earned the nickname of Rambo. Even though the snake came off the porch on its own, Michael still was there to help make sure it couldn’t get back inside.

He was there for every need mom and dad had. He spent hours at their house taking care of them. His presence still lingers with the memories.

I walked through the woods, listening carefully to the sounds around me. I heard a motorcycle coming down the dirt road and stood watching from the woods as it passed down the dirt road. Once it was gone, I continued walking through the woods. When I reached an area where we had trouble with trespasser before, there were signs once again that someone had been out there. I’m not sure whether they were just joy riding or hunting. I alerted my nephew so he could check it out better. I walked back up the road toward home, stopping to let my nephew know. We stood and talked for quite a while before I headed on home.

I’m sitting here now, the world outside dark with crickets singing. A slight breeze drifting in through the open door. Just as memories drift through my mind and heart. My son, reminds me of my brother. He has similar physical appearance and mannerisms. My brother reminded us of our grandfather. He is remembered, he is so missed. I walked today, but I wasn’t alone, his memory brought his presence along for the hike.