Today began like any other day this time of year. With me not wanting to get out of a nice, comfortable, warm bed, and face a cool house. But, I finally gave in because I knew there was too much waiting on me. Mom would be calling soon, Molly needed to be let outside, the cats would be waiting to be fed. I might as well go ahead, get up and go play with the not quite kittens any more.
Once I got moving and got some coffee in me, I was better. My son had started a load of laundry in the washer so I finished that and tossed in what he had waiting for the next load. With what all he does for me, doing a load of laundry for him is a minor thing. As that was in process I made ready to head out.
I had to run by the store today for pet food. I also had to stop on the way to meet a friend and pick up something she had made for me. Talking with her, opened up this floodgate of memories. Some of what she is dealing with, the battle she has been fighting, is a reminder. The season, is a reminder of another sort.
Its no secret. This is not my favorite time of year. I don’t like the short, cooler days. I do love the show of Autumn, when the trees are all decked out in every color imaginable. I do like the lack of mosquito. But.. long, cool,dark nights allow too much time to remember and miss.
Before my husband died, he was a long haul truck driver who called all the time. If I were at home, he would call sometimes every five minutes. He would remember something he had forgotten to tell me, or would ask what I was doing now, or ask me to get online and look something up for him. I remember the times when he was home. When he would walk through the house to see if anything was new or different or moved around. I also remember his embrace, being pulled into his arms and simply held tightly. Feeling safe, loved. Its been four and a half years. While I am usually fine and have accepted and come to appreciate this single status, I do miss the hugs.
The fact that it is deer hunting season has me remembering my brother. A massive heart attack took my husband. Leukemia took my brother. Hiking the woods behind the house is difficult at times. I remember how he loved the woods, he had several stands secured within the property. He didn’t hunt here exclusively, but he did some. and he ragged me every time I walked about spooking his deer. He also called me one day about an owl and I needed to get down there right then if I wanted a photo. But I better wear that orange as it was in the woods. So I have orange vests and hoodies and hats. Because my brother reminded me every year as hunting season approached. Mom talks of him often, misses him desperately. She has no idea how much I miss him but I don’t try to tell her because I don’t want it to sound like a competition.
Most of the time, I’m fine. Most of the time, I’m happy and content. Most of the time, I can go through the day without issues. Most. Then something will happen, someone will make a comment, and the door will be flung open to the memories.
But that is not something that is exclusive to me. We all have some memory that has sad tendencies. We lost someone, or something that still hurts. We were betrayed by someone we trusted. We had to and have to face something that made a massive difference in our life. But face it we do.
Through hobbies, old or new.
Through distractions such as reading or movies or shopping.
Getting out in nature and letting nature flood our spirit, cleanse our mind and heal our heart.
Gathering with one or more friends or family.
Moving to a new home, job, relationship.
Through faith and prayer.
There are many many ways to battle the depression and sadness that some memories can bring. I choose to allow the sad, the seek out the happy, the peaceful, the humorous, the loving. To not mourn the loss, but to celebrate the life. To remember, to love.