September Sixteenth; Oh, Hey Self, Take a Memo

Note to self…remember to write those notes to self.  ?

Yesterday I was sitting here before my computer and ran across something that flipped that light bulb, great idea for a write switch. I should make a note.  I didn’t write the note. I have been sitting here, scrolling along social media, scrolling through my email, hoping that what had created that initial spark of inspiration would randomly show up. Nope.

As I sit hit somewhat but not severely frustrated, I’m listening to the rain falling outside. We’re in the middle of September, the leaves on the trees are mostly still deep green, but that will be changing. Soon, just as the raindrops are now falling, those leaves will be falling. I wonder how our dog Molly will handle it this year. Last year she was so confused. She would alternate between simply staring, barking at, or running from the falling leaves. Bella on the other hand, doesn’t care. She’s been around, she’s seen it, no big deal.

Things change.  Seasons, jobs, relationships, health, status, everything will at some point, in some way change. It is how we handle the change, that matters.

In March of 2017, my husband died. I tried to handle in as best that I could. I had things that needed to done, such as get his earthly body home to North Carolina from Indiana. He was a long haul truck driver and had passed away while sitting in a truck stop. I had responsibilities. I had bills to pay, accounts that needed to be changed. I had to adjust to going from married to widowed. Part of a couple to single. From having a partner, to being alone. Grief is a horrible foe, God is an incredible teacher, I was a less than stellar student. But I have learned.

In March of 2020, I lost a job that I was just weeks short of a thirty year career. I went from full time employee, to unemployed. I went from ten hours of flat out busy to adjusting to no schedule. Again, God is an amazing instructor, I still, less than a stellar student.

In September of 2020, I decided to take early retirement so I could be here for my parents. My income was cut in half, but I have learned how to manage. God has taught me that I really don’t need all that extra material stuff. Trust in Him, pay attention to Him and His word, I won’t do without. I have the main course in this meal of life, the rest, is just a desert that we only should partake of on occasion. I am fed. I am clothed. We have all we need, that is what matters.

That, not the stellar student comment, admitting to that was not easy at first, but has become easier as I realized my mistakes. I am an individual, who even though I have been a Believer, a Christian baptized in my youth, I was not so much a real Follower. I had not learned to be still and listen, nor I had fully learned to trust. Even though God had been there for me so many times. I was one who unconsciously had the attitude of thinking, God, I have this little thing here to deal with, I won’t bother You with it, I’ll handle it best I can. I got this. Only nope, I didn’t make things worse so much, as I didn’t make them better. I couldn’t handle the issues on my own, under my own power. I needed something greater than me.

For nearly three years after my husband died, I suffered from a deep grief and was soaked in loneliness. Being around people at work, at church, on errands, filled the silence with noise, but it didn’t last. I would come home, open the door and be greeted by the ever present void and vacuum. I was trying what I knew, what I hoped would work, to meet with failure and defeat at every junction. I wasn’t happy being single and alone, but due to various reasons, didn’t want to be in a relationship. Through prayer and study, through many, many conversations with God, I have found a peace in the single status I hold. I have found the missing contentment in my solitude. I have come to the understanding that for now, being single allows me the time and ability to focus on my writing. No distractions. Well, not many. Two crazy dogs, one entitled official cat, and aging parents can distract one, but I’m not complaining.

Allow me if you will, to share this incident. The other day, I had turned off the ceiling fan in this room. the day had been cool and I didn’t need it to be running. Yesterday was a warm, muggy, humid day. I pulled the chain to set the fan in motion only it remained still. No matter what I tried, I was met with stubborn refusal. Yes, I did try to manually shove the fan into motion, several times, only to have to repeatedly slow and stop. Giving up, I sat here enduring the warmth until my son came in from work. When he came in I told him that the fan wasn’t working. He tugged on the chain, could hear the motor humming but the fan wouldn’t start. He made a comment on it being seized up, but still gave the blades a hard shove. The way the blades spun had me thinking that my son would be a terror spinning the wheel on that television game show. The amazing thing, the fan didn’t slow to a stop. It kept right on turning as it should. My son made the comment that he must have got it past the rust, corrosion or what ever else may have have been preventing it from working. It is still working.

So now, I am sitting here with an eye opening realization. I have found an acceptance and comfort in change. I have found a peace, that I had lacked before. Outside, the rain is still falling somewhat gently. Inside the dogs are curled up asleep and happy. I have no idea where Lady Entitled Cat may be lurking. While I still realize that I have a long way to go, with many lessons to be learned along this journey of life, I have learned to listen to the Instructor. In my new found attitude and knowledge, I feel that like that fan, I have been pushed beyond what was stopping me. I have been given a renewed strength. The fan’s purpose is to help cool this room. At least a part of my purpose, I know, is to share my changes and the lessons learned from them. In the hopes, that others may come to a greater understanding of their own trials and lessons.

No Notes required.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
This entry was posted in animals, Cats and Kittens, dogs, education, encouragement, faith, family, growth, inspiration, life's journey, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to September Sixteenth; Oh, Hey Self, Take a Memo

  1. John says:

    I’ve felt that way since the divorce. So alone and empty but things got better.

    • I think that we have to learn to be happy spending time with ourselves. It isn’t something that is done all that often, everyone so busy, gathering here or there, that when suddenly they are alone, they have no idea what to do or how to act. Once you become comfortable with your own company, then i think we actually act better in the company of others, or happy kicked back at home.

  2. leendadll says:

    I transitioned from being socially dependent to doing everything solo, and learning to love it, during clinical depression back in 1998. It was a hard transition but great for me to experience young because no one shared my interests and my life was on hold. I hope you find things you enjoy solo.

    As for notes, I used to use a voice recorder app because it was fast/easy.

    • Part of my problems, is that my late husband, God rest his soul, was a truck driver and after listening to other drivers, was very insecure and afraid that I would grow tired of being alone. He began to make a scene if I went anywhere so I became happy to stay home and it grew from there. Now I have to reverse that.
      The bad thing about the note I didn’t write down? I have pens and paper right in front of me. I was just lazy.

      • leendadll says:

        Oh, plz.. I’ve had my phone in my hand with calendar open to verify I can agree to an appt, and still been to lazy to input it!!

        As for free time, maybe you can think of things you’re curious about and find worksops/classes. I also use Goldstar and groupon/local to find fun activities. It can be hard learning to go places alone but after a couple good experiences, including the option to stay/go at will (no checking what others want to do), it’s exhilarating!!

        I got so good at going solo that I almost never even think to 8nvite anyone. TNR Kelly hinted a ton of times before I thought to invite her parasailing!!

      • I’ve been getting more involved with the stuff the Jeep group I belong to is doing. I just have to readjust to going and not caring if I get lost or not.

      • leendadll says:

        So long as you can remember the way back to a major road, and have no vehicle issues, getting lost can be fun!

      • True. many years ago when my son was preteen, we went to a local amusement park. On the way back there was a detour due to a fire. No problem, I’ll just follow the car ahead of me. With each turn, there was one less car until it was just me. My son asked if we were lost and I told him nah, we’re just taking the scenic route. Another left turn and we were back to the road we had been turned off of about a quarter of a mile down. It wasn’t funny at the time but it is now.

      • leendadll says:

        I often take random routes just to see what I can see. Forever ago, my sister was fine till we’d spent 20 min on a partially dirt road with orchards on each side and on lights. I was still loving it.

      • My son does it all the time. He knows more about the towns I grew up in than I do. Not that that is difficult to do, but I am amazed every time he knows all these alternate routes..

  3. Sarah Davis says:

    You have a gift for sowing the gifts and the sacred in the mundane. Good blog

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