August Tenth; If I Could Ask For a Gift, In This My Month Of Birth

It would be ability.

I have been sitting here for the last four hours attempting this. I’ve had false starts aplenty. I have thought of and rejected many ideas. I have saved and I have deleted because nothing felt right. My heart was rejecting what my mind produced. It was as if there was a session going on inside me trying to come up with acceptable subjects. With every, ‘how about this?’ from the thought producing part of my brain, my heart would quickly reject it with a simple, “nope”. All the while my fingers waited to do the actual work of typing. Hoping for the final product to where they can hit publish and be done for a while. They did get one partially typed out before the heart caught on and ended the session.

What is my heart’s problem? It seems that I have felt that the thinking part of the brain, wasn’t actually thinking and was taking the topics either incorrectly or too lightly. How could I, in the position I am, even understand? My heart seems to have either forgotten, or is allowing the part of my brain that tends to overthink things create problems.

I managed to get a partial write on the spices of life, but it wasn’t following what I thought it should. It sounded nothing like what I was hoping for and intending. Exactly what ability is it I want? I’ve already written about wanting to understand. But, it takes more.

While I have faced personal struggles, I know that in comparison with others, they are mild. I faced  battles and overcame  storms. In such, I gained a level of understanding. Being highly empathic, I have felt the pain of others. To the point, there are times when I have had to use a method I taught myself of closing a mental door. Suffering on one side, me on the other. One can only bear so much.

I want the ability, to find a way to change the I, to we. That we as a whole, a neighborhood, a town, a country, a world, see the suffering and reach out to find ways to stop and to heal. Every storm, every battle, ever suffering no matter how large or small, counts. That as one, we would seek answers, seek ways, seek action toward correction and eradication of suffering.

The realistic me knows there are many issues and problems to this. Everything is linked together in various ways. One block built upon another. One answer depending on the answer to another issue and it builds upward.

To end hunger means ending greed in high places, means ending issues and shortages in farming means correcting issues in climate change.

 Battling domestic abuse means teaching respect for others, but how far back does one need go? As far back as life spans allow. At some point, someone needs to understand abuse is wrong. Power trips are wrong. Hurting another for control is wrong.

There is no end to the list of storms and battles. Each one a line of dominoes, but who has the means to create the fall, knocking down the storms to bring about the rainbow?  How do we, find answers? How do we, find methods? How do we, find the heart,mind and soul to care? How do we, set aside our perceived thoughts and ideas to see truth?  How do we find the desire, the ability, to change “I”, to we? Becoming a group who cares enough, to desire ability enough, to seek healing. To seek better.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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26 Responses to August Tenth; If I Could Ask For a Gift, In This My Month Of Birth

  1. Thank you for sharing. I don’t remember who said this, but it was about closing doors to pain. Sometimes when we close doors to pain, we may close the door to creativity. When I was a young girl, I learned to put a shield up, but now I say a shield that allows positivity and repels negativity.

  2. Dia Jae says:

    I am an over-thinker. This is why sometimes I just have to step back and walk away. Usually when I least expect it, I find that something… whatever it may be. I had thought about leaving FB again, but decided to keep it. I over do everything!!!

    • I stopped several times to try to figure out which way I was trying to go. In the end, I didn’t really get what I had started out trying to write, but I figure what I started to write was not what was meant to bee written. Not yet anyway. I’m not over there nearly as much as I was, I spend more time here and enjoy it more.

      • Dia Jae says:

        That happens to me too! I start writing plots. I create a beginning, middle, and end, and then I don’t go into details. I think I have a problem.

      • It was so funny. Back when I wrote the Legend, everything flowed so easily. I really wish it had done better, but ah well.

      • Dia Jae says:

        I’m not a very good seller. I think it’s all about who you know, and how to promote. Did you publish through Amazon?

      • I self published through lulu but they were on amazon, may still be. I know after the second poetry book they had made changes that I didn’t really like and I never tried anywhere else. Just stopped cold.

      • Dia Jae says:

        I was listening to some audiobooks on selling. All the artists say the same thing. Once it’s published, it’s no longer their book. Each publisher is trying to make the book into the next Hollywood movie.

      • I will admit that having the Legend made into a movie might would have been nice..but as old as it is, that is no longer a worry 😉 Got to go take my mom to KFC (ewww) talk later..

  3. Angry Bird says:

    You don’t need to stop your thoughts..Think but try not to let your thoughts control you..Beautiful read about inner struggles..❤

  4. Wise Hearted says:

    I fight somewhat the same battle and then add old age to it makes me want to quit sometimes. It’s not the pain of the world that keeps me from writing cause I know, since the bible tells me so, trouble has been and always will be here till Jesus comes. I tell myself often, I cannot fix this and even though I know that, there are times I worry for those hurting. I know I have something to share that could help anyone if they accept what I have to give them and that is trusting in Jesus, make Him your life and allow Him to work through you. It does not make the world go away, the pain, the suffering so my expectations do not get blown away. I expect pain and hard times but I also expect to see Him in the middle of it all wanting me to come to Him. Today I had a conversation about Him being enough, if nothing else we want, expect, desire happens or don’t happen, is He enough? I know I am closer to understanding that more then I ever was. The more I read, meet others, listen to their trials, the more I study the Word to know Him the more He is enough. I let a simple little frustration yesterday over not having our gas hooked up yet cause me to fret. I could hear myself and the conversation, asking, is He enough??? What if we lose our ability to live life as we know it now with all the perks living in a first country affords, will He be enough? You post sure made me think over some of my thoughts process. Good one Rebecca.

    • Thank you for sharing this. I do understand as I am constantly having to stop and remember where true strength and peace rests. God is with us, will take care of us and will be our strength and hope.

  5. Dee Min says:

    Thanks for this piece. Every space women and girls occupy should be safe (including online). Violence must stop and violence directed at women because they are woman most definitely must stop. Dee

  6. Joanne A says:

    WE really need the ability to work together as one and achieve. But like you said, it goes so far back. We can only start little, with ourselves. Like you said, closing a mental door to negativity and embracing positivity and healing.
    Amazing post!!

  7. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji says:

    Abuse is totally wrong and I believe we should learn to be kind to people at all times. We are living in difficult times so we can only be kind to each other and make this world a better place

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