It would be ability.
I have been sitting here for the last four hours attempting this. I’ve had false starts aplenty. I have thought of and rejected many ideas. I have saved and I have deleted because nothing felt right. My heart was rejecting what my mind produced. It was as if there was a session going on inside me trying to come up with acceptable subjects. With every, ‘how about this?’ from the thought producing part of my brain, my heart would quickly reject it with a simple, “nope”. All the while my fingers waited to do the actual work of typing. Hoping for the final product to where they can hit publish and be done for a while. They did get one partially typed out before the heart caught on and ended the session.
What is my heart’s problem? It seems that I have felt that the thinking part of the brain, wasn’t actually thinking and was taking the topics either incorrectly or too lightly. How could I, in the position I am, even understand? My heart seems to have either forgotten, or is allowing the part of my brain that tends to overthink things create problems.
I managed to get a partial write on the spices of life, but it wasn’t following what I thought it should. It sounded nothing like what I was hoping for and intending. Exactly what ability is it I want? I’ve already written about wanting to understand. But, it takes more.
While I have faced personal struggles, I know that in comparison with others, they are mild. I faced battles and overcame storms. In such, I gained a level of understanding. Being highly empathic, I have felt the pain of others. To the point, there are times when I have had to use a method I taught myself of closing a mental door. Suffering on one side, me on the other. One can only bear so much.
I want the ability, to find a way to change the I, to we. That we as a whole, a neighborhood, a town, a country, a world, see the suffering and reach out to find ways to stop and to heal. Every storm, every battle, ever suffering no matter how large or small, counts. That as one, we would seek answers, seek ways, seek action toward correction and eradication of suffering.
The realistic me knows there are many issues and problems to this. Everything is linked together in various ways. One block built upon another. One answer depending on the answer to another issue and it builds upward.
To end hunger means ending greed in high places, means ending issues and shortages in farming means correcting issues in climate change.
Battling domestic abuse means teaching respect for others, but how far back does one need go? As far back as life spans allow. At some point, someone needs to understand abuse is wrong. Power trips are wrong. Hurting another for control is wrong.
There is no end to the list of storms and battles. Each one a line of dominoes, but who has the means to create the fall, knocking down the storms to bring about the rainbow? How do we, find answers? How do we, find methods? How do we, find the heart,mind and soul to care? How do we, set aside our perceived thoughts and ideas to see truth? How do we find the desire, the ability, to change “I”, to we? Becoming a group who cares enough, to desire ability enough, to seek healing. To seek better.