I’m going to be selfish.
If I could ask for a gift, during this month of my birth, I would ask for flowers. I would ask, for the chance, one more time, to see the back of my car filled with a variety from the local handy dandy home and garden center waiting to be planted. Scrolling through memories, I see photos of the many plants my husband once purchased for me, always enabling my weakness for flowers.
I would spend hours preparing the area, removing weeds, smoothing the ground, digging the holes. Then I would move the plants from where they waited, to the areas waiting for them. It was magic. It was special. Most of the time the plants were from the clearance shelves and in need of being babied for a while. Special watering, an extra dose of plant food, an extra dose of love and attention. Before long though, they would once again be thriving. Spreading out in the garden to fill the bare spots. Straightening upward, reaching for the sun that warmed them, that fed them. Their flowers returning to full beauty. Soon, they were attracting a variety of pollinators, bees, butterfly, moths, insects I don’t have the name for but could be seen happily wandering the many flowers.
Flowers though require care. I neglected their care after the loss of my husband and my gardens show that neglect. There are flowers that still stubbornly come up among the weeds, blooming as best they are able, proving their strength in a world that is difficult for them. Mom did give me some flowers that she needed moved, they had become too numerous and they had a plan for something else in that spot. So I spent hours digging them up, carrying them home and planting them carefully in an area here. These plants were small, somewhat fragile, so I got what I expected, a short time in life then dying down. But they are a type lily with a bulb, I hope to see them coming up and thriving come spring of the year.
This year, has been a year of coming to an understanding, an acceptance of the changes that have happened and which continue to come into being as the days pass. This year has been a year of facing demons and overcoming the emotions the demons bring.
This year, has become a different type of flower garden. The type filled with the variety of flowers just a beautiful, just as in need of tending and care, but more lasting. A garden that I remind myself or, as a part of its tending.
I have come to feel peace with many things.
A peace with the loss of friends, those I worked with, those I have met somewhere along the way, which as we travel along the way take side roads and move on with their life. Leaving me wondering and wandering lost. I have found my footing again and can move forward in understanding. The proving again of how everything, even friendships, have a season. Attempting to cling to that, is harmful for the growth of the soul.
I have come to discover a strength that has lain dormant for too long. A strength in need of care, but growing every day.
I have come to find a contentment in where I am and what I have. I have little desire for unnecessary things that clutter up life and counter space. In searching for something to wear to church yesterday, I found a blouse I had never worn. It had gotten shoved to the back of my small closest and forgotten. Which proves I have more than I need. It is time for a cleansing. My home and my yard are my happy space filled with my happy thoughts. They need not be cluttered with things.
I have come to understand, that as my spiritual garden grows, becoming graced with the flowers of life and living, the flowers I seek to plant, are of that type. I want to plant the flowers that grow into blooms of peace, of contentment, of hope. I want to fill a space with joy. I want to plant the seeds of education that grow into knowledge. I want to plant in a way that feeds the physical and spiritual hunger. I want to plant in a way that clothes the physical body, and spiritual heart. I want to plant what can house and shelter the physical, as well as the soul.
I want to plant the variety that grows and blooms in a diverse spread of flowers. The blooms a grand kaleidoscope of patterns and colors blending and merging to create a beauty that would make a beholder weep. I want a garden filled with the amount of blossoms that the pollinators don’t know where to go next as they dance from flower to flower. As they spread the pollen, as they increase the next generation of glorious beauty.
The garden, is life. The flowers, people. The beauty? The spirit that lives within. The intelligence, the strength, the compassion, the hope, the courage, the love. The faith that as we blend and come together, the individual beauty combined to create something glorious, that we can bring about a change that would make the viewer weep with its beauty.