This morning as I was writing my morning offering, and just as I was considering whether to lengthen it by expanding what I had written, I received a phone call from mom. She needed to get out of the house for a while and was wondering what time I was going to run the errand I had mentioned the night before. Telling her to let me finish what I was doing and get dressed and we would go. So rather than discussing a variety of relationships, I left it with what I had written, published that and prepared to spring mom from the captivity of her house and dad getting on her last nerve. He’s ninety-two, I think for some it just comes with the territory, so mom and I headed out for the big box store and taking care of a return. By the time I was finished, and located her, she was feeling much better.
So, all that aside, Considering other relationships.
Parental. Up front, I will admit that I know that there are people who are not meant to be parents. They should never try, but they will, because most simply don’t understand, see or maybe not care, what they are doing wrong. And, there are also going to be children who have issues making having an ideal relationship difficult if not impossible. However, when everything aligns, wonderful things happen. When there is mutual love and respect, when the children understand that their parents are trying the best way they know how, and that what they do is intended to instruct and prepare them for life as an adult, wonderful things happen.
When I sit and look back at my childhood, I see mistakes that I made, and I see mistakes that my parents made. Being human that happens. I have held onto something that my mother said to me a half a life time ago, allowing it to cause problems in my self worth. She did not mean for her comment to have that effect. It was the only way she knew to answer a question I put to her. I have learned to let go of the resentment because until I did, I was never going to be able to move forward and I was always going to have a part of me that held that against her. So yes. impressionable children, will hear and will take comments to heart. That old rhyme of ‘sticks and stones can break my ones but words can never hurt me’ is wrong. Bruises and breaks heal, words latch on and echo throughout a memory forever. The important thing, more than one bad memory, is knowing how many times my parents have been my advocates. All of the times my mother had to go to the school because of minor things. Talking too much, not listening as should, horrific handwriting. Yes, I actually had a fourth grade teacher preparing to fail me due to a really bad handwriting. Mom stopped that in its tracks. I still have a horrible handwriting but we all can’t be prefect. I mentioned a lot of how dad taught us what we needed in the blog yesterday for his birthday.
Parent- children relationships. Where the parents love beyond love. Teach and prepare their children for their live to come. Where love is shared, moments are enjoyed, and memories are cherished and treasured.
Between siblings. My two brothers shared a bedroom growing up.I honestly don’t ever recall them getting angry with each other and drawing a line down the center of the room. I know they were very close, even closer as adults. I had a good relationship with both of them, again even better as adults since we had learned a bit better about that respect thing. While I know, not all siblings will get along. We are dealing with a whole new world since the Waltons, the Brady Bunch or the Partridge Family. Life is not a Disney movie that we’re going to dance our way through happily to the end where everything works out perfectly.
Families may be blended, with half siblings or step siblings or adopted. Many families will also bring foster children into the family to give them the love they can’t find in the system. There are a lot more pressures on the youth. Some that has been around for many life times, some that has been brought out in the more recent past. A great variety of pressures and choices are placed on the shoulders of youth that shouldn’t be there.Often now, some children are associating with their peers who may not have the parental guidance needed, and then find themselves pressured to follow the crowd. Often a situation that doesn’t end well.
Grand parents can and do play a vital role. Yes, there are times when they prove how they shouldn’t be allowed too much time with the youth. Yes, they can cause a great deal of harm if allowed. But they can also be loving and filled with the wonderful moments and emotions that children need. They need to know and feel love. Grandparents can do that readily. Grandparents can hold a valuable amount of information, stories and recollections of times past. Their love, special because it is not as much as teaching love (though in some moments it is) but it is a love simply for loves sake.
We grew up next door to our grandparents, my son now growing up next door to his. I know, that there is a special bond that forms in those dynamics. I’ve read that it is important when possible for the children to know and spend time with grandparents. I will be forever thankful for the time I had with mine.
We can discuss aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents, the lists could go on. The important thing is to recognize whether the relationship is a healthy one or not. There is no shame and only good, when a parent protects their child from the harm that a bad relative can cause. As parents, it is important to take care of the child who depends on you for love and protection.
As children, we often are unaware of the many levels of a relationship. We act, and then react to punishment if our actions warranted. With varying levels of maturity, we may not understand. Especially if we are in a home where love is not readily shown. What ingredients do I believe are essential for a healthy relationship? Respect. Understanding. Patience. Communication. Time together. Love. some of the important parts of a good relationship of the family kind.