Change is in the air? Process? Attitude?
Last night at the Relay for Life event, I saw friends that I have not seen in quite a while. It felt so good seeing and talking with them. We were given the opportunity to catch up on what has happened since the last time we had been together. I was even able to discus my retired status as a matter of fact and without the usual resentment. It felt as if a door was finally closing on that chapter and the next was able to begin.
The first step of a journey, first word of the new chapter thing. I have allowed my fears and a learned life style to control me for too long. I come to realize that I have missed out on a lot of things, because of a past the doors should have been closed on a long time ago. I’ll use something I realized this morning as an example.
Yesterday when the Jeep group arrived at the Relay event, the members carried chairs up to a shaded area not far from where the main stage was set up. I, having forgotten to put my chairs back in my Jeep, was standing off to one side, leaning on a railing. The husband to one of the founders of the group, offered me his wife’s chair as she was busy elsewhere. I declined the offer and remained where I was until seeing one of the aforementioned friends. Looking back at that now, had I taken the chair, I would have been sitting in the middle of the group. I had been offered the opportunity to be more of a part of the gathering and not the outsider I have always made myself to be. Now, realizing this, I regret my actions. But, I can move forward from here. I can change my attitude.
In our exchange last night, when he was being jokingly adamant, I made a comment “I’m not married to anyone anymore,I don’t have to obey”. See, my husband, in his insecurities, was always worried about my finding someone else due to his being gone so much. To calm his fears and to prevent anyone from being able to make accusations, I kept my distance and was very careful who I talked with. He has been dead over four years, I’m not in a relationship, I can respectfully talk with anyone now. A change of mindset is in order.
The same applies to all of our life. We can find ourselves trapped in a habit, a belief, a way of doing things that is no longer needed or beneficial. Somewhere along the line in our life, someone has created a belief in us that holds us back. It prevents us from accomplishing what we could have, would have, if that belief did not exist. Many times those others, were talking out of their own fears and insecurities. They do not want to see you succeed or in any way do better than them, so they put false beliefs in your mind.
I’m not sure where fears come from other than knowing they are not from God. Our fears bring abut the same prevention to progress as our incorrect thought process. I have mentioned that when I am facing something new, a million what if’s will stampede through my head and before the dust can even settle, my mind is creating things from pure fantasy. Ancient Alien writers would be proud. An example, I hate going somewhere new for the first time alone. I fear getting lost. The other day, for my first dental visit was to a new place, alone. Yes, I missed the road, twice. I still found where I was going. Part of my fear happened, but I still succeeded in my goal. I had wanted to participate in a Jeep convoy for over a year-with me driving. Yesterday, that finally happened. Yes, it was short, but there is nothing wrong with baby steps.
Stubbornness. You like who you are, or you think you like who you are. You are comfortable as who you are, or, you think you are. Change is work. Absolutely. Changing a mindset, an attitude, a desire, takes work. It takes effort to learn anything new. It takes effort to get into the habit of exercise. It takes effort in setting up a routine in life, a budget, a healthy diet. The adage, nothing worth doing comes easy, is true. The important thing, is one you take that first step toward change, keep walking. If for what ever reason you take a step back, don’t fret, don’t worry, don’t give up. Turn that move into a dance. Cha cha y’all.
Now you may be wondering, am I going to leave something out of this discussion? Change of heart.
Friends. Friendships change. We all know that by now. What brought you together in the beginning shifts, adjusts and changes meaning the friendship is different. You may still be friends, but on a different level, or the friendship may end.
Romantic. Love at first sight or a friendship that deepens. It burns like the flame of a match, fast and bright, but does it last? Some don’t of course. For much of the same reasons that friendships change. Or one of the two has a change of heart or mind and plays the wrong games. It can last weeks or years, it will change as time passes, the best romantic love, is the love that adapts and grows stronger through the changes. Accepting and understanding that people change as they age. They learn, they grow, they adjust, that does not make them unlovable.
Spiritual. There are many faiths and beliefs. Even the belief there is nothing to believe. But a spiritual journey of change is in short, incredible. The changes are constant with each new understanding. The growth constant when you become the fertile ground in which the seeds are planted. When you are one who has the ears to hear, and listens. No matter how long one has been a believer, faithful to their belief, trusting in the One in whom they believe, there will always be change and growth. I gave my life to Jesus as a youth, here I am closing in on 64 years of life and still learning, growing, changing in attitude. My faith has strengthened due to the many challenges I have faced over the past four plus years. Especially when I began to listen, to hear and to comprehend that this struggle was meant for good. It was meant for growth. It was meant for me to understand and draw closer to God. It was meant for what it has produced and is constantly producing, change.
I am trapped in habits that keep me from moving forward in terms of relationships with women. Those divorces ended that part of my life…
I have a friend who feels the same as you. He had relationships that ended very badly so he said he’s done. I’ve had people laugh at me because I say that I’m not looking for love. I’m looking for someone to hang out with, who at the end of the day will wave and go home. I have become quite content in my current lifestyle.
I understand this man’s pain. I too am happy to stay single the rest of my days but if I ever had a gal pal again, she has to understand that there will be no wedding, no access to my bank account and I’m very protective of who comes inside my home. I don’t want to be ripped off and it’s happened before!
I fully understand that. I think there are too many of us who could say the same or similar.
I’m sure you are correct, Rebecca. We never know the hidden pain behind someone’s face.
Don’t be hard on yourself..like you said in the incident with the chair..you passed up on an offer that you would’ve actually enjoyed, but you’re learning. Next time you’ll say yes and feel good about your decision. We never stop learning. You’re a different person right now today than you were 5 years ago 10 years ago or even yesterday.
Change is definitely a constant. I feel I’m always changing. Sometimes not for the good. I feel I change to make others happy, when I really should be changing to make myself happy.