Its jazz night on the Dirt Road.
I’m listening to the sounds of the crickets out back and the sounds of jazz coming from across the road. Its actually not an issue, they are doing a better job with this than the other types they have tried to play. Somewhere in this room, there is a ginormous beetle that flew in the open doorway. I was going to catch and release, but the thing has disappeared somewhere behind my desk. Later when it comes out of hiding I’m sure its going to set Molly off and I’ll be back in here.
As I sit here, I am really not happy with myself and some of my actions lately.
When they worked on mom and dad’s well the last time, they pour chlorine into the well. It has been driving my dad nuts which in turn works on mom’s nerves. I told her I would fill up a couple jugs of water and take it down there. I got busy and forgot. She called me and I admitted I had forgotten but I’d bring it. A couple of hours later she called and asked if I were sick. No, why? Oh. I had forgotten again. I kept allowing myself to be distracted when I simply should have got up, filled the jugs and taken them to her. Yes, they did finally get chlorine free water to do them until they finally get it all worked out from the well.
Tonight my son and I went to a Jeep event at a local restaurant. It was fun. It was nice. He got to enjoy a really big hamburger. I’ll be honest in that I prefer the events that aren’t in a restaurant, or at least not fully. Its really difficult to talk with others in that setting unless you want to wander around and get in the way of the people who are working there.
While we did speak to people, we ended up eating and leaving. And here, is where my disappointment in myself begins. There is a thing of putting small rubber ducks on Jeeps. Usually there is a tag that has something on it about it was ducked to show it was a nice jeep.
Now remember, I drive a Jeep Compass. We passed Jeep after Jeep after Jeep all Wranglers. It appeared that nearly all had been ducked. I didn’t stop and inspect every Jeep to see, but by appearances, the greater majority were. Even my son noticed and was muttered maybe.. just maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. But no. My Star wasn’t ducked, even though the Jeep group banner stretches almost all the way across the front windshield. My son was disappointed for me. But I do realize, that some don’t know and some are of a mindset that just because it says Jeep on the front of my Compass, that doesn’t make it a real Jeep. Though my son did say that my Jeep probably saw more dirt than many others. I told him that was because we lived on a dirt road. To which he laughed and said, “exactly”. But no, I won’t be intentionally doing any rock climbing in my Compass.
So all evening I have been feeling sorry for myself…even going so far as to make a comment on my social media page. Over a small, rubber, duck. I embarrass myself. Because its a game, its supposed to be all in fun. When you..I.. whine or complain of get upset over not finding a duck on the Jeep, if you do finally get ducked, then you wonder if someone saw you acting so childish and felt sorry for you. I’ve said the same over some of the games and meme’s over on social media. The ones that are blatantly asking for a compliment. Same with those selfies. Most people are going to be kind and compliment you, because obviously that is what you were fishing for. I’d rather get a compliment of any sort, unexpected and out of the blue. Those I believe.
But I’m rambling, I got into a conversation with a friend who allowed me to ramble and whine and complain about it never once passing judgement. It helped me overcome and shut down the pity party and actually see how I was behaving. I was behaving very childishly and immature. Oh I didn’t say anything while in the parking lot, but I did on social media. A post I have since removed. But the damage has been done.
In my head and heart, I am envisioning Jesus shaking His head but also holding out His arms to me. Forgiving me yet again for my thoughtlessness. I can hear Him asking me, “Why, do you allow yourself to get so upset over something so small, and not over the bigger, more important issues around you?”
What is more important to talk about, a small rubber duck, or the homeless?
The duck, or the hungry?
The duck, or the unemployed?
The duck, or the addicted?
The duck, or the abused?
The duck, or the illiterate?
The duck, or the afraid?
The duck, or the lonely?
The duck, or the sick?
The duck, or the lost?
All the while, I’m sitting here, realizing that I allowed a game, to distract me and allow me to fall off the deep end. Allowed me to act in a very poor fashion. But I know, that my mother forgave me for forgetting the water, and Jesus, understands my emotions and weaknesses. I know, that He too, forgives me, even as He makes sure I understand how messed up I had allowed my priorities to become. There are much more important things to be concerned with, and rubber ducky, you’re not one.