Well today did not go as planned.
Someone was supposed to come out and install a new storm door for me. They came out and of course my two alarm systems were in the yard when he arrived. I finally got them both inside and the gentleman got out of his truck. He walked up and took one look at the door needing replaced and told me he couldn’t install the door. Something about the metal ‘wrapping’ as he called it. It was against their policy to remove that. He took the new door back with him, I’ll get my money refunded but I really wish he could have installed the door.
The fact that I’ll get my money back, will make it easier to pay for the tooth extraction. I’ll work on getting this old door off some how if I have to figure out how to do it myself. Crow bar maybe? Nah, better not. As far as the tooth goes, the antibiotic has the swelling going down and it isn’t hurting so much now. That in itself is a plus but I do still have the extraction looming over me like a bad dream.
I tried to make a change on my wireless account this afternoon, but since I had no clue what my pin number is, the computer immediately told me they couldn’t help me. Seriously? Guess that means another trip to the store.
My son didn’t get to take lunch today, so I made sure to have supper, dinner, which ever you want to call it, ready when he got home. I knew he would be hungry and he was. He does love that baked spaghetti. I did wander down to the garden again after I had written the blog about what would I say to my husband if I could talk with him. I came back with more squash, sweet pepper, cucumber and tomatoes. I know what I’ll be doing tomorrow.
Still, with everything that did not go as I would have liked, it could have really ruined my day. I could have been this miserable mess that took out my bad mood on anything and anyone who crossed my path. But I didn’t. Then, when I got down to the garden, there was this amazing sign waiting for me. My garden isn’t all that big. Its big enough to supply well with what I planted. Since my garden is on the small size, I put black plastic down to help control the weeds. The black plastic has places where it holds water when it rains. This was what was waiting for me when I got there.
A possible sign, with many possible reasons. All of which I accept and has me smiling.
I do still have those moments when I miss my late husband. We were together thirty-four years, one doesn’t just pack that up and put it away. I don’t fight those days any longer. I’ve learned to let them in, face them, feel the emotions then move on. Today was the first time in quite a while that I’ve felt it this strongly. Triggered by the question maybe, frustrated and bothered by all that has been going on among family with well problems and door problems and tooth aches. It was too easy for it to slip in unnoticed.
But I wrote about it, got it all out of my system and onto the page. I faced it, and then let it go. It hasn’t fully left, parts of it tease me a bit, but they’ll eventually move on and I’ll be okay again. I know that one doesn’t really heal from grief. You grow accustomed to feeling the loss, remembering the moments, treasuring those memories, accepting that loved one is gone. You see the ache due to that empty place, as a reminder that you had someone wonderful in your life for a while. Now you have them in your heart.
When I walked down to the garden, I was moving from the mood I was in when I wrote the blog, to a less emotional state. That may have been why I was a little overwhelmed to see the heart waiting. A sign, a reminder, a message. Even and especially when, I feel the most alone, I am never alone. Never. Even when I feel abandoned and as if no one cares, I’m mistaken. I know, that I have friends that I could call and they would gladly listen, but I really don’t want to bring anyone else down. I could have gone out to my small walking, thinking circle and talked it out with the Lord. But I didn’t and I didn’t have to. Because He isn’t just in that circle. He isn’t waiting for me at night when it comes prayer time, or at meal time. Waiting in designated time slots. No, He is with me always. Today, He reminded me of that, with a heart shaped puddle of water. A gift, from the Living Water. A small, simple, message of love.