I was second guessing my word choice this morning. The word lust is chained to immediate thoughts- by some- of sexual desire. But no, I’m not going any further in that direction other that to acknowledge that definition. I want to take a different road.
intense sexual desire or appetite.uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness.
a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for): a lust for power.
ardent enthusiasm; zest; relish: an enviable lust for life.
verb (used without object)to have intense sexual desire.
to have a yearning or desire; have a strong or excessive craving (often followed by for or after).
Thank you Dictionary.com
The route that I want to take, is ardent enthusiasm; lust for life.
I was sitting here earlier and realized my coffee cup needed refilling. As I walked into the kitchen and up to the quickly emptying coffee pot I glanced out the window into my backyard. Fuzzy Butt’s (so named due to that very full and fluffy tail) kittens were out there definitely showing a zest for life. All three were climbing and jumping all over my swing and cushions. Their acrobatics were hilarious and somewhat awe inspiring in how they managed to remain on the swing while jumping and flipping as they were.
By the time I had walked back into this room and sat down they had relocated to the back steps still playing flat out and full steam ahead. While I know that this is not all play but also lessons in survival, for the moment, I was watching three little kittens not have a worry in the world about mittens, hawk, owl or any other predator prowling around. Fluffy is never far away from them, watching as they play and learn.
I will acknowledge the fact that as humans, with human responsibilities, life is not a playground. There are many things that need our time and attention, so obviously we can’t spend our time like those three kittens. There is also that pandemic that is still a very large issue. But we can still have that zest that lust for life and living. Even, if it at times is in small quantities.
When my entire world changed after my husband died, then changed again with the loss of my job, my so called zest for life was at an all time low. I had adapted to life without my husband and was chugging along getting things done or not. Then suddenly my comfort zone was ripped away and I was standing in a very large, frightening place filled with unknowns. When I sit and contemplate my journey, I realize that every twist, every turn, every valley and hill, has brought me to this place I am now. Not only physically, but in every way. I have a better understanding that continues every day to grow stronger, in what that zest for life means. At least to me.
I’ve learned, that you don’t always have to take life flat out and full speed ahead to have that zest. It can be done at a slower pace, and still have the same meaning. Living life fully, enjoying life completely. Finding happiness and finding peace, even in trying times.
I have learned that I can have just as much enjoyment doing things that don’t cost anything, as I did when I went to paid events. Hiking in the woods, is actually more fun than overcrowded venues. Being able to get out in nature, walk along a river bank, watch the wildlife, feel the peace. Feeling the whole moment in nature filling and healing my spirit. Out there in the peaceful settings, I can hear and feel more since the interruptions are fewer.
I have learned that I am actually old enough for my wants not to hurt me. My current running joke is that I suffer from (Jeep) Wrangle envy. But as I just told someone, my Compass isn’t going to cost me near what it would to do all the upgrades so many people do to their Wranglers. I’m also relatively sure it gets better gas mileage. Even with that ongoing half joke, half dream, I am learning that I can look at something while out and about, and not purchase. I don’t need all the fancy gadgets with all the bells and whistles. Most of that would just be something else to take my money and take up space. While not a minimalist, I am learning how to do with less and actually be happier.
I do miss my flowers though. That was one thing my late husband did every season, was purchase flowers for me to plant. I had amazing flower beds filled with a variety of plants and colors. I noticed though, that there is nothing wrong, with enjoying wildflowers. I have several variety that are filling up more space with each season and though they aren’t a wide range of colors, it is still lovely to see. And the bees, butterfly and other pollinators love them.
I have learned that life with family can be just as good, often better, than time spent with a room full of people all talking at one. Music playing too loud to talk over. Crowds trying to find the perfect spot pushing and shoving. Give me a cup of coffee on a porch swing, a glass of sweet tea under a shade tree, a back yard cook out with kids living the zest filled life any day over the other.
I have come to a greater, deeper understanding of my relationship with God. The deeper comfort in His walking with me, listening to me even when I am worried, angry, lonely. Knowing, He wants to hear the bad along with the good because it shows our trust and faith in Him. I have come and continue to grow in understanding, that He wants us to place our fears, worries, concerns, hurts in Him. To hand them over to Him and leave them there. Then, go about living life to the fullest, whether it be with a zest for life, an enthusiasm, or a lust for life as He intended for us to do anyway.