Well okay then.
Today’s test brought to you courtesy of the Internal Revenue Service.
I watched from the doorway to see if the mail carrier stopped at our mailbox. When they did, I headed up the drive to see what wonders awaited. I knew the moment I removed that letter from the box I didn’t want to open the thing. As I hesitated I heard a young voice shouting hello. A very cute young girl with braids and beads in her hair was offering me a wonderful greeting and big smile. She could hear my dogs barking and asked where they were. When I told her they were inside the fence, she was moving around to try and see them. If I’m remembering correctly, the gentleman with her is her uncle. Nice man, was very polite as they made their way back toward their apartment.
Then I opened the letter from the Internal Revenue Service.
Guess what? They want more money. Not only that, they want it really soon. Surprise!
Looking at what information they had, it didn’t match up with my filing. It also didn’t show the payment I made. I did come inside and log onto my bank account and looked it up. There it is, all sent and cancelled and stamped on the back with their information. I calmly called the person who has handled our finances for years. I go to see them Monday afternoon. I’ll take the letter and paperwork from filing taxes this year and let them figure it out.
If my husband were alive, he would be absolutely freaking out about now. The moment that letter had been opened he would have gone into a full blown panic. Of course at that time our finances were a mess. over the past four years I’ve worked hard at getting them straightened out and have made great strides. I haven’t done it alone though. God has provided along the way, making the getting where I am possible.
Is this a test? I have made no secret in that I know that my faith has grown and strengthened, over the past sixteen months especially. While I have a long way to go, and I know I make a lot of mistakes, I know that I have come a long way from where I was.
When my husband died, I made lists of what was owed and what I had, what little insurance he had and what that would and wouldn’t cover. I lay awake at night wondering how I was going to pay bills with money I didn’t have. Then God stepped in.
I started getting checks in the mail from people who worked for the same company my husband did. People where I worked took up a collection. People at church sent money most often through the Pastor as they wanted to not let the right hand know what the left was doing. Friends blessed me with gifts of cash. I never missed a single bill while waiting on that insurance. We didn’t go hungry. We were provided for by others, inspired by God.
When I lost my job, and was still thinking it was a temporary thing, I still was very careful in my spending. I paid the bills and tried to save everything I could. That extra unemployment, what didn’t pay bills was saved. Those stimulus checks, what didn’t pay bills, was saved. I did get what I owed on my equity from work done on the roof of the house, paid off. If anything happened to me, I didn’t – don’t, want anything owed on the house.
In the course of the last just over four years, I have dated very little. While I promised my husband that should something happen to him I wouldn’t stay alone, the fact is, I’m happy this way. I have come to enjoy the solitude. There have been a few times along the journey that I have spoken with and even dated, but in the end, it didn’t work, because it wasn’t meant to work. The first time the relationship folded was a disaster. But I learned. My son bless him, told me I was acting like an immature teenager and he was right. I decided then that I would handle things going forward in a more mature manner no matter what. And I have. I have spent a lot of time in prayer over each not right relationship. I don’t know how the gentlemen feel about things, but I tried to do better, to do right, and to do it through prayer.
Am I being tested? Is this a time of discovery and growth? Is it possibly a scam? Those seem to be around in abundance right now. I’ve already decided that I’m not going to allow it to bother me. I’m not going to allow it to send me off the deep end into a full panic. I will trust. I will believe. I will pray. I will let the financial guy who understands all this tax stuff handle it if it needs to be handled. Because I know, be it a test or not, God’s got this.