Day 191; Footnotes of, This is a Test

 Well okay then.

Today’s test brought to you courtesy of the Internal Revenue Service.

I watched from the doorway to see if the mail carrier stopped at our mailbox. When they did, I headed up the drive to see what wonders awaited. I knew the moment I removed that letter from the box I didn’t want to open the thing. As I hesitated I heard a young voice shouting hello. A very cute young girl with braids and beads in her hair was offering me a wonderful greeting and big smile. She could hear my dogs barking and asked where they were. When I told her they were inside the fence, she was moving around to try and see them. If I’m remembering correctly, the gentleman with her is her uncle. Nice man, was very polite as they made their way back toward their apartment. 

Then I opened the letter from the Internal Revenue Service.

Guess what? They want more money. Not only that, they want it really soon. Surprise!

Looking at what information they had, it didn’t match up with my filing. It also didn’t show the payment I made. I did come inside and log onto my bank account and looked it up. There it is, all sent and cancelled and stamped on the back with their information. I calmly called the person who has handled our finances for years. I go to see them Monday afternoon. I’ll take the letter and paperwork from filing taxes this year and let them figure it out.

 If my husband were alive, he would be absolutely freaking out about now. The moment that letter had been opened he would have gone into a full blown panic. Of course at that time our finances were a mess. over the past four years I’ve worked hard at getting them straightened out and have made great strides. I haven’t done it alone though. God has provided along the way, making the getting where I am possible.

 Is this a test? I have made no secret in that I know that my faith has grown and strengthened, over the past sixteen months especially. While I have a long way to go, and I know I make a lot of mistakes, I know that I have come a long way from where I was.

When my husband died, I made lists of what was owed and what I had, what little insurance he had and what that would and wouldn’t cover. I lay awake at night wondering how I was going to pay bills with money I didn’t have. Then God stepped in.

I started getting checks in the mail from people who worked for the same company my husband did. People where I worked took up a collection. People at church sent money most often through the Pastor as they wanted to not let the right hand know what the left was doing. Friends blessed me with gifts of cash. I never missed a single bill while waiting on that insurance. We didn’t go hungry. We were provided for by others, inspired by God.

 When I lost my job, and was still thinking it was a temporary thing, I still was very careful in my spending. I paid the bills and tried to save everything I could. That extra unemployment, what didn’t pay bills was saved. Those stimulus checks, what didn’t pay bills, was saved. I did get what I owed on my equity from work done on the roof of the house, paid off. If anything happened to me, I didn’t – don’t, want anything owed on the house.

 In the course of the last just over four years, I have dated very little. While I promised my husband that should something happen to him I wouldn’t stay alone, the fact is, I’m happy this way. I have come to enjoy the solitude. There have been a few times along the journey that I have spoken with and even dated, but in the end, it didn’t work, because it wasn’t meant to work. The first time the relationship folded was a disaster. But I learned. My son bless him, told me I was acting like an immature teenager and he was right. I decided then that I would handle things going forward in a more mature manner no matter what. And I have. I have spent a lot of time in prayer over each not right relationship. I don’t know how the gentlemen feel about things, but I tried to do better, to do right, and to do it through prayer.

 Am I being tested? Is this a time of discovery and growth? Is it possibly a scam? Those seem to be around in abundance right now. I’ve already decided that I’m not going to allow it to bother me. I’m not going to allow it to send me off the deep end into a full panic. I will trust. I will believe. I will pray. I will let the financial guy who understands all this tax stuff handle it if it needs to be handled. Because I know, be it a test or not, God’s got this.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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14 Responses to Day 191; Footnotes of, This is a Test

  1. John says:

    Such a wonderful testimony! Never be ashamed of your faith. I’m three times divorced and after 6 years single I enjoy the solitude in my home. No interest in dating…

    • Yeah, all this being able to make my own choices and do as I wish, when I wish has spoiled me a bit. But actually, I see nothing wrong in that bit of selfishness and self care.

      • John says:

        There is nothing wrong with this lifestyle as I’ve come to call it.

      • Nope. Not a thing. And that is exactly what it is, a lifestyle.

      • John says:

        I’ve read somewhere that the number of Americans living the single life, and by themselves, is on the rise.

      • I can understand it actually. While there are good relationships, there are no perfect relationships. As much as I loved my late husband, he had some ways that were annoying to say the least. I know that has to be true in many relationships. It is often just easier to be single and at peace. One’s mental health has to be better anyway over staying in a relationship where there are issues.

  2. Letitgocoach says:

    I’ve come to look at all unexpected events in life as a test. It’s important we pass them. ❤

  3. I believe we are tested by God all the time.
    In terms of Singleness, I am happy being Single yet, sometimes it gets lonely. I am not seriously looking, though. I believe someone will come . somehow..if God does not want me to be alone.

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