Day 181; Footnotes of What Lies Ahead

My sister-in-law’s mother was called home this week. She had been ill, but we are not the keeper of our time, no one knows when their time will end. No one knew how long she had to be with us. When the angels came for her, she was surrounded by family. Her kids, grand kids and great grand children were there for her leaving. Even though  they know she has gone home to be with the Lord, there is sadness in the leaving. An empty space that cannot be filled.

 I understand that the words on the back of the paper about her service, were written by my brother’s oldest daughter. I could see the pain in her eyes tonight, feel the hurt of loss that draped over her like an unwanted blanket. Her husband held their son all the while watching her closely. They are a close family, they loved her deeply as she loved them. Life is going to be so different now.

 I don’t know that I’ll go to her service. I’m not good with that, especially since my husband’s service. Especially since my brother’s, seeing my mother my strong mother, fall apart and have to be helped back up the aisle of the church. I’m not good at good-bye, even if it is actually ‘see you later’ it is still an incredibly difficult moment. Part of me knows I should go and I may. I may. Because it is my brother’s family, it is my family.

She was such a lovely lady in so many ways, and her family loved her dearly.My mother asked if I would take her and dad over there for the time of visitation, and I said yes. My other sister-in-law wanted to ride along as well which I had no problem with. I got everyone in the car and we headed out. Part way there we were passed by a fire truck then an ambulance. A little unnerving but, we went on our way. We got almost to the church to see blue lights ahead of us in the lane I was traveling. I managed to change lanes quickly and then stop. I know why we had to wait as we did. They were trying to get a vehicle on a rollback and wanted to protect the operator. I noticed a big truck pull up behind me. When we finally started moving we had to shimmy around a bit to squeeze between the roll back and a police car. I seriously doubt that eighteen wheeler could do that but I didn’t watch, I just wanted to get where we were going. 

There and parked we made our way up three flights of steps and into the building. We spoke, we hugged, we offered all the polite words. They won’t be remembered, but they knew we were there. They saw we made a point to be there. 

Her family loved her deeply, she will be missed deeply. There is an empty spot now that no one can fill. We didn’t stay long, mom and dad can’t stand for long periods now even with their canes. We were told a way they could go out and I could drive around to pick them up so they wouldn’t have to try those steps again. Once they were in the car we headed home. only to be passed by yet another fire truck and ambulance. Seemed there was people all around not having a very good day. 

As we were getting closer to the house dad started talking about when he was going to go to the new casino that will soon be opening not to far away. He said he was going to, ‘go play ping-ping’ He’s soon to be 92, I guess if he wants to call it playing ping-ping, he can call it that. Our conversation got a bit odd, but that’s nothing unusual for my family. I was doing it to distract dad and let mom have a quiet ride home.

After I got everyone home, I pulled in my drive and headed inside. My heart is hurting for them. I partially understand and yet I don’t. I didn’t know my husband’s dad as he passed not longer after we met. He didn’t know where his mother was for a long time, someone finally told him where she was. In an assisted living home in the mountains. An hour or so away. We didn’t get to spend a lot of time with her so it was not really possible to be close.

 No loss is the same. No two people grieve the same. My nieces and nephews have hugged me before, but tonight was different. Tonight they were searching for a moment of comfort in someone familiar. Someone who could understand just a little. Tomorrow is going to be so hard for them. As is the day after, and the day after, and the day after that. My heart aches for them. Knowing at least in part, what lies ahead. And the person they already miss so badly, not being there. 

I’m sitting here listening to the crickets. The crickets have always brought me a sense of comfort and peace. My hope is that they each have something that will bring them peace and comfort as well.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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9 Responses to Day 181; Footnotes of What Lies Ahead

  1. Prayers for your family.

  2. Sheree says:

    Sending supportive thoughts your way

  3. I am praying for you and your family. Blessings and peace from our mighty King Jesus. RIP!

  4. I pray for comfort, love, and peace for you and yours. The symphony of crickets brought me peace as a child.

    • Thank you, all prayers are greatly appreciated. I too have loved the sound of crickets since childhood. I love when I am able to leave the windows open so I can hear their songs.

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