Day 178; Footnotes of I Lost My Happy Thought

Where oh where did that serene feeling go?

I had a long rant written about something that happened here today. Twice. Then I thought better of sharing that. To share that might make me feel better for a moment, but would not solve any of the issues. And it would just make me look bad, even though I’m the suffering party. Yes, it does deal with my neighbor’s unrestrained dogs.  I’ll also be honest in that I spent the better part of the day fighting sleep and that didn’t help my mood and patience level any.

 After the first incident, I will admit to glaring at someone. I did not, say anything though, it was a kid and there is no sense in taking out anger on a kid.Yelling at a child would not make me more of an adult, it would make me a jerk. So I simply got my dogs inside and stayed there to allow me and them to calm down. An hour later I let Molly out, but Bella was content to lay in the floor near me.

 This evening a little after seven, I decided I wanted to go walk in my little circle. Bella wanted outside, so I let her out front, while I headed around back. Within minutes the dogs were back. Round two was on and happening.

Only this time my son got our dogs, leaving me free. I managed to get video of the dogs trying to get in my fence. Once I got inside, I checked on my son to make sure he was okay, and then the dogs. Everyone was fine even though Bella had banged into my son’s nose. I really hope he doesn’t have a black eye as no one would believe the dog did it to him.

 By now I was angry. I was upset. I was shaking. I definitely was not feeling serene. Leaving the dogs inside, I went to try again to walk. I managed to get 5227 steps today, just over half of my goal. I honestly don’t want to contact animal control, but I’m terrified someone is going to end up getting hurt. My sweet Bella has some age on her, while she is strong and healthy, I think she is moving slower and she would be the one that would get the worst end of the battle. I don’t want that. I also don’t want either of those kids getting injured trying to separate fighting dogs.

All the while I’m walking, all these thoughts are going through my mind. All possible outcomes are going through my mind. I gave up and came back inside. I prepared a light, late meal and walked in here. I have spent a lot of time learning how to control my emotions. I don’t like being angry, I don’t want to be angry. It serves little purpose unless directed properly. To allow anger to control one’s actions is irresponsible and dangerous. I don’t like being scared. Seeing those dogs trying so desperately to get to each other was frightening. To see that young boy trying to catch those dogs didn’t help. 

In all this, where is my serene moment? 

As I write this, it is moments after eleven at night. Outside my window in the dark, the crickets are serenading the night. I can hear them singing in all directions. I had to go outside earlier, all around me in the dark, were fireflies. Dancing among the trees and weeds. I can hear the slight hum of the ceiling fan above me. Every once in a while Bella will stretch and groan then doze back off to sleep. At one point I heard an owl calling. There is the slightest of a breeze that is coming in the window. I could go outback and sit on the swing and allow the night to bring me my balance, and if I had not allowed the hour to be so late, I probably would be out there on the swing with a fire in that store bought fire pit. Listening to the crickets and wondering why the bull frog down at the pond are so quiet. 

I realized that I had a choice. I could stay all bent out of shape over what happened today. I could have yelled at a child. I could have yelled at my dogs. I could have thrown things and really showed out. I could still right now be all upset and angry, shaking over the fears of what -could have- happened but didn’t.  I could be a mental mess, but I’m not. Which is why I didn’t share that rant. Being angry, is easy. Allowing emotions to control our actions, without forethought, is easy. Paying the consequences for those rash actions, not so easy. Harsh, ugly, angry words once spoken cannot be taken back. Its like a crumpled piece of paper. You can straighten it out, but it will never be the same.

 So I’ve taken a few deep breaths. I’ve listened to the crickets. I’ve prayed, and will continue to pray over this. I’ve allowed the anger to fade and the serenity to return. I’ve set aside the incident and the emotions, sought and found my happy thoughts. And that is what counts.

Just a random turtle shot. Reminding me, be slow to anger.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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11 Responses to Day 178; Footnotes of I Lost My Happy Thought

  1. e says:

    Slow and steady, wins the race, breathing helps too….

  2. So glad you are feeling some peace now! I would be extremely frustrated and fearful as well, if I had to deal with that with my dogs.

    • I keep putting off calling animal control. If I’m going to, I need to do it now. But I know how it feels to have animal control called on one of your dogs and I don’t want to be the one who creates that, but then again, if they wouldn’t let the dogs run loose..

      • That’s such a hard decision. I’d be struggling with it too. You have to protect your dogs though. Praying for you!

      • My fear is should they somehow get inside or my two get outside it would be a disaster. My Bella has some age on her and I have to protect her. I also fear the one dog from across the road getting too brave and too mean and going after my parent’s dog. This has just gone on too long.

      • Yes, I would be afraid of that too. Our two dogs don’t do well around other dogs, so I can understand your fear.

      • Away from here, they are fine. Especially Bella, for the most part she ignores other dogs. They are just extremely protective of “their” territory. Which is natural for any dog I understand. My hope is for animal control to get here and tell these people they can’t let their dogs run loose. It isn’t safe for them either, I’ve seen the one almost get hit by a car that thought the dirt road is the grand prix.

      • Yes. Our dogs are especially territorial over their home. I absolutely get that! I hope they can help. I hate to see dogs running loose. It’s irresponsible of the owners and leaves others in a difficult position for sure

      • But hey, you know those entitled folks..I think the entitlement thing is a worse epidemic than the pandemic.

      • Yes, there’s that too!

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