Where oh where did that serene feeling go?
I had a long rant written about something that happened here today. Twice. Then I thought better of sharing that. To share that might make me feel better for a moment, but would not solve any of the issues. And it would just make me look bad, even though I’m the suffering party. Yes, it does deal with my neighbor’s unrestrained dogs. I’ll also be honest in that I spent the better part of the day fighting sleep and that didn’t help my mood and patience level any.
After the first incident, I will admit to glaring at someone. I did not, say anything though, it was a kid and there is no sense in taking out anger on a kid.Yelling at a child would not make me more of an adult, it would make me a jerk. So I simply got my dogs inside and stayed there to allow me and them to calm down. An hour later I let Molly out, but Bella was content to lay in the floor near me.
This evening a little after seven, I decided I wanted to go walk in my little circle. Bella wanted outside, so I let her out front, while I headed around back. Within minutes the dogs were back. Round two was on and happening.
Only this time my son got our dogs, leaving me free. I managed to get video of the dogs trying to get in my fence. Once I got inside, I checked on my son to make sure he was okay, and then the dogs. Everyone was fine even though Bella had banged into my son’s nose. I really hope he doesn’t have a black eye as no one would believe the dog did it to him.
By now I was angry. I was upset. I was shaking. I definitely was not feeling serene. Leaving the dogs inside, I went to try again to walk. I managed to get 5227 steps today, just over half of my goal. I honestly don’t want to contact animal control, but I’m terrified someone is going to end up getting hurt. My sweet Bella has some age on her, while she is strong and healthy, I think she is moving slower and she would be the one that would get the worst end of the battle. I don’t want that. I also don’t want either of those kids getting injured trying to separate fighting dogs.
All the while I’m walking, all these thoughts are going through my mind. All possible outcomes are going through my mind. I gave up and came back inside. I prepared a light, late meal and walked in here. I have spent a lot of time learning how to control my emotions. I don’t like being angry, I don’t want to be angry. It serves little purpose unless directed properly. To allow anger to control one’s actions is irresponsible and dangerous. I don’t like being scared. Seeing those dogs trying so desperately to get to each other was frightening. To see that young boy trying to catch those dogs didn’t help.
In all this, where is my serene moment?
As I write this, it is moments after eleven at night. Outside my window in the dark, the crickets are serenading the night. I can hear them singing in all directions. I had to go outside earlier, all around me in the dark, were fireflies. Dancing among the trees and weeds. I can hear the slight hum of the ceiling fan above me. Every once in a while Bella will stretch and groan then doze back off to sleep. At one point I heard an owl calling. There is the slightest of a breeze that is coming in the window. I could go outback and sit on the swing and allow the night to bring me my balance, and if I had not allowed the hour to be so late, I probably would be out there on the swing with a fire in that store bought fire pit. Listening to the crickets and wondering why the bull frog down at the pond are so quiet.
I realized that I had a choice. I could stay all bent out of shape over what happened today. I could have yelled at a child. I could have yelled at my dogs. I could have thrown things and really showed out. I could still right now be all upset and angry, shaking over the fears of what -could have- happened but didn’t. I could be a mental mess, but I’m not. Which is why I didn’t share that rant. Being angry, is easy. Allowing emotions to control our actions, without forethought, is easy. Paying the consequences for those rash actions, not so easy. Harsh, ugly, angry words once spoken cannot be taken back. Its like a crumpled piece of paper. You can straighten it out, but it will never be the same.
So I’ve taken a few deep breaths. I’ve listened to the crickets. I’ve prayed, and will continue to pray over this. I’ve allowed the anger to fade and the serenity to return. I’ve set aside the incident and the emotions, sought and found my happy thoughts. And that is what counts.