It feels as if it has been an eternity, since that day so long ago. Yet, even with the passing of time, I remember.
You had been sick. You thought you had the flu and had parked your truck at a truck stop so to rest. Hoping that would help you feel better. The thirty-four hour reset didn’t help, you still felt terrible. I could hear it in your voice that last time I spoke with you.
My first break of the morning, I called you. The first time I couldn’t understand you and you disconnected the call. I tried again and you answered. I asked how you were and you were ill and abrupt. Before I could ask a second question, you blurted out “Beck, let me go.” and ended the call. The last words you ever said to me. I tried all through the day to reach you. Calling repeatedly on every break and a few times between. There was never an answer. Finally, just before quitting time, my phone began to vibrate. I checked and saw who was calling. It was another driver from the company he drove for. That call brought me the news, you were gone.
Has it really been over four years?
I remember, trying to reach family.I remember the sounds of the various voices, the pain, the disbelief. I was numb. Still, I remember sitting out on the front porch with my sister in law, watching the day leave and the night approach. I watched solar lights coming on and felt the chill of the March night. When they left, I came inside and sat down. It was late before I finally crawled into bed to stare at the ceiling. How could you be gone.How could it have been four years? Now, the pain has eased, the feelings of loneliness are much less and bouts of depression are farther and further between. Yet, it seems an eternity since I’ve heard your voice, felt your arms around me, your lips against mine. I dreamed of you the other night. The first time in years. You were upset with me. I knew that was you.
I think we have all faced times that feel like forever. Time drags so very slowly. Those times when we are excitedly waiting for something or someone to arrive. Times when one is at school or work and really wanting to go home. Stuck at a meeting or party with people you don’t know or like or a topic that is beyond boring. Time drags so incredibly slowly.
There is an eternity I look forward to though. The eternity that as a sojourner in this life, I move toward. Since the moment of accepting Jesus into my life, I have been give life eternal. Though not here, not now. I move purposely toward my heavenly home. I move along the road, watching the sides of the road for those who are suffering. For those alone. For those who hunger for righteousness.
Eternity, a never-ever ending life with Jesus. Where there is no pain, no suffering, no hate. Where what there is, always and forever, is love. To that, I walk. To that, I make my way. To that, I reach out to others, join me, join us, in peace and love. Though it feels as if it is taking an eternity, to reach eternity.
Hugs to you.
Thank you. Hugs returned.
Beautifully said. I can feel how much you love and miss him. I dread that day! My husband is not very healthy at the moment. I am just bracing myself.
I’m sorry. Even when we know it may be coming, it is difficult. My husband’s health had not been really good for a while. I didn’t really think it would happen as it did though. My thoughts are with you.
I am so sorry. However, I am so glad you haven’t given up on God. Peace and prayers, my friend.
Oh no. Never. In fact so much closer now than ever before. peace and prayers for you as well my friend.