I really planned on going, had looked forward to and been so excited about going. And I didn’t get to go.
I’ve been trying to ignore the residual light headed feeling. Going about my day as much as possible, as normal as possible. I managed to get through the couple hundred email notifications. I managed to take my son his headset. I wrote my morning blog. I was okay. Right.
I ate breakfast. I cleaned up my kitchen. I wondered why Bella flat out refused to go outside. I think she knows I’m not feeling well and believes she needs to be with me. Ever since my husband died she has been this super emotional support for me.
She did come outside and watch me play the cool game, “Let’s untangle the garden hose”. Every time I thought I had it, nope. I did finally get it untangled and run through the fence into my flower garden area and then out and down the side of the driveway. I then put Bella in the bedroom and Molly in this room. Because Bella loses her mind when water is turned on and I really didn’t want to hear that. I also changed into my old shoes.
It didn’t take long to get the Jeep washed and clean on the outside. I then removed everything that was inside and set it out of the way. I used a wet vac to vacuum out the inside. We’ve managed to lose the attachment to the hose, but I took one off my inside vacuum that worked well. I managed to get the hundreds of leaf parts up and dog hair off the back seat and then returned everything that was supposed to be inside. Finished I dragged the hose back up the drive, went and turned the water off and finished pulling the hose into the yard. I could then let the dogs back out, only Bella refused.
Funny how that little bit of work wore me out. I came back in here and caught up my email and rested.
Then I went and made a really big batch of brownies that I was going to take to the Jeep event. A LOT of brownies. When the last of the brownies came out of the oven I went and got ready. All I had to do now, was wait on my son.
Who came in from work exhausted. All he wanted to do was sit down. He knew though that I wanted to go. He knew I hadn’t felt the best. He knew, I didn’t want to try to drive myself. He was going to take me, even as tired as he was and as bad as he felt. I couldn’t let him do that. I told him that yes I wanted to go, but I really didn’t feel up to going. Which was not 100% a lie. There was no way that I would have managed to handle all that would go on there and not appear as if I were drunk or something if I started staggering due to being light headed. He finally accepted what I was saying and went to sit down.
After a while I prepared a light supper.
I did manage to get him right before dark to walk down with me to the garden and water it well. The temperatures are supposed to go way up and I’m not sure when we may get any rain, so water it is. Most of it look really good. Some better than others. I do have a tomato plant that is going to need some more support. I’ll see about that Monday.
I believe, how we take disappointment is often more important than how we act around the things that work out as we hoped.
It is very easy to get angry, hurt, upset in many levels, when something happens that prevents us from having the moment we had anticipated. To watch possibilities break and crumble away within our grasp, is frustrating. How easy it would be to lose control and have a bit of a tantrum but that wouldn’t solve a thing. To grow angry and shout or throw things, would only make you look bad. You might get your way, but you will have lost all of the other person’s respect.
Right now, even though I missed out on a good time-I’ve seen photos-there was no way I could ask my son to take me in his state of tired. He would have I know. And he would have managed to have a level of fun. In the end though, somewhere in the back of his head, there may just have been a bit of resentment in my making him take me.
We do however now have a very large pan of brownies. He got to rest in quiet and catch the last of the race. He watched the bees while I watered the garden then came back up here to crash. I didn’t get to go, okay that’s fine. It isn’t the end of the world that I didn’t get to go. I’m a big girl, I can handle disappointment. Especially since I have those aforementioned brownies. Hopefully tomorrow the last of this lightheaded mess will fade away. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be back walking in circles or going somewhere with mom. Hopefully tomorrow all this will be a bad dream and left behind. There will be other events.
Words from The Dirt Road 