This morning was such fun. Those kids are amazing. Coloring books are magic and even then, boys will be boys. Its scary watching how quickly they grow though. Soon they will be moved up to the next class level and it is simply not going to be the same. But then the next kids will come in and they will shine their light. Its sort of like looking at my son and wondering how on earth time could have passed so swiftly. Where is the little boy wanting to play with trains and swing nonstop? Where is the youth who helped his dad at every opportunity? I watched him earlier as he searched the house for his motorcycle helmet, and I felt so old. He’s become such a man, can’t find anything even if its right in front of him.
After church I was going to see if mom wanted to get out of the house for a bit but she wasn’t feeling well. Not sick, just off. The gas stations still haven’t gotten back to normal, many still out because people still keep topping off car tanks and draining the stations dry. My son couldn’t even find gas for his motorcycle. He did make it back home though. So I was content to stay in and save what I have in the car.
I decided that I would do my walking here at home once again. I wouldn’t have gone to the mountain today anyway with it being Sunday. Too many people, too many other dogs. I don’t want to stress Bella dealing with that so, out back it was.
I started out over in my thinking circle. Yesterday I was excited to see a flower blooming.
It is my hope to turn that area into a garden area as well as thinking. I’ve planted a lot of flowers that friends and family have given me. I even thought about wandering down the dirt road where the daisies are blooming and dig a few of them up. I would love to see that area filled with daisies.
At one point my son came out and was throwing a ball for Molly. Bella has no interest in chasing balls so he could get away with doing that while she was out there with them. He then began trying to throw the ball to where it went over the fence to where I was. Poor Molly, she would get so frustrated at being stopped. I would toss the ball back and we enjoyed that game for a while, then Molly got bored with it. As I got bored with walking in circles.
So I took off down the path and into the woods.The mountain Laurel is still covered in blooms but they are beginning to shred and fall to the ground. There was so much today it almost appeared as if it had snowed. I walked around the pond and then headed deeper into the woods. Down the path, out into the open and then up the dirt road. At one point near my folk’s I saw my nephew and his kids. We talked for a while and then I walked on. I still had light so I decided I would walk down the hill to the pond, back up, back and forth until I got my ten thousand steps accomplished. When my fitness band vibrated letting me know I had made it, I started to keep going but decided to call it a day.
When I am staying busy, writing, hiking, visiting with friends, shopping even, my mind is occupied and all is well. Sometimes though, like around noon today, while I was unoccupied, memories, emotions, sadness slip in. That is partly what took me to the circle. Walking in the somewhat small circle, I can walk almost on auto pilot. Just walk, turn left, turn left, walk..ah geesh, my circle is a nascar track. Anyway, that aside, as I walk, I free think. My mind wandering, allowing myself to remember what was, to accept what is, and to dream of possibilities.
That is also what drew me down the hill. Down to the small pond that sits as the base, hidden once again by trees that have grown back after the timber being cut off the neighbor’s property. There’s no fish in it now, but there are bullfrog and dragonfly that buzz the flight paths. I need to take my push mower down and clean it up. The weeds have grown so high I fear walking across part of it as I can’t see what may be waiting where I am about to put my feet. This though, this is my happy place. This is where I can sit on the bank, stand on the bridge, watch the reflections on the water move with the ripples created by the dragonfly or the turtles that dwell under the water’s surface.
It is also the place where I remember, He is the Living Water, with Him, I will never thirst again. He is my Strong Tower, my Shelter. When the moments of sadness come, and they do, and they will, I know that in Him, I will find comfort and strength. In Him, I will find peace. Every day, I am becoming more content with what I have. Every day, I am finding more peace in where I am in every way. I don’t look at it as if I am hiding behind walls, I am comfortable in where my Lord has me. Do I miss working? To a point. But not working has giving me the ability to do what I enjoy-write, and wander around in the woods. Do I miss my husband? Oh yes, but I know where he is and I know he’s again healthy. I would never ask him to leave that. Do I miss being part of a couple? Sometimes. There are parts of it I miss, and parts I don’t.
Standing on that bridge today, watching the water, I felt that comforting peace. I felt the acceptance, the understanding. Where I am now, gives me the freedom, the time, the opportunity, to be a vessel in the hands of He Who loves me, of He who loves all enough to die for us all. He paid the price freely, and He offers His love freely for the accepting.By the time I finished my walking and came back inside. All the concerns of the day had been put to rest. My busy not so busy day leaving me content.
Words from The Dirt Road 