May Fourteenth; Up On The Rooftop

At certain times of the year, you will find me on the roof of my house. Which is an amazing feat because I have / had, a serious fear of heights. I read somewhere along the lines that to conquer fear, one must face that fear. When we don’t, we allow it to become the dragon in the room. Powerful enough to cause us to cower in a corner, not living the life we are intended to live.

I had several reasons that I had to face that particular fear. One was that the roof needed to be kept clear of the leaves that fell in Autumn. Two, was if I wanted lights on the house for Christmas, I was going to be the one responsible for their installment. My husband had taken a job as a long haul truck driver and wasn’t going to be here to do those things. My son at that time also had an over abundance of respect for high places so I wasn’t going to force him to do something he didn’t feel comfortable.

 I remember the first time I walked down to my parent’s place and borrowed their ladder. I carried that metal monster up to the house and propped it against the front porch roof. I checked, rechecked, and checked again to make sure it was secure and not going to slide out from under me about the time I got to the top.

Reasonably assured, I tossed the broom up onto the roof and placed my foot on the first rung. The roof had a thick covering of leaves waiting for me. Shaking, but determined I made my way slowly up the ladder and carefully stepped out onto the roof of my house. The roof at the front of my house is not that high. It is the back where the land slopes downward that the height takes place. Ignoring the distance on either side and staying as far back from the edge as possible I began to sweep. My dog Bella waiting down below for any sticks I may uncover and throw for her to chase down.

 I got the front slope of the roof swept then turned to get the back. I was amazed at the view before me. The woods I love hugging the edge of the yard then tree after tree randomly taking their place. Still touched with Autumn’s colors it was incredible. This different perspective of the landscape I know well from the ground. I glanced up and out often as I finished my chore of sweeping away the leaves. How I would love to have secure steps up the back and a chair to sit in so to be able to look out and enjoy the peace that flows from those woods.

 Later, when it came time to hang the lights, that was totally different. I had no choice but to get close to the edge of the roof.

 Checking every strand of lights to make sure they worked, I looked at that borrowed ladder once again. I tossed the lights up onto the roof then began that climb. Only to realize I had forgotten those little plastic hangers. Once I had those, I was headed back up. Stretching out on my belly at one end of the house, I carefully began to hang the lights. Easing my way along, making sure that only the part of me absolutely necessary was near or hanging over the house so that the most part would be an attempt at keeping me balanced and on the roof. By the time I was done and able to stand, I was scratched, scraped and bruised, but still on the roof.

Glancing toward the woods, their appearance in their winter nakedness, still beautiful. I stood in the middle of the roof gazing into the woods, watching with a child’s hopefulness of seeing a deer, fox, any of the woodland wildlife that might be passing through. Again thinking how nice those steps and chair would be.

 It is true about facing fears. While I am still very cautious and careful, I am not as afraid as I once was. I do still however, take a lot of time staring off into the woods. That different perspective thing.

I believe too, that is part of the reason I love hiking that mountain, while the greater part may be for the exercise and the peace found along the trails, there are those moments of standing at that height and looking out across a landscape spreading out before me. To feel that amazement and wonder to a greater degree.

 My current rooftop, is facing life as a widow. Single again at sixty-three. Life is different in many ways now than it was then, or maybe not. Maybe I simply see and imagine it as different then, a memory made faulty through the passing of time. Maybe, my mindset is different with a changing of values and strengths. So many maybe’s, so many possibilities. I am constantly working on my perspective and facing the many facets of my fear.

Fear, is fear. It is the thing that stops us in our tracks or sends us running. It can keep us safe when dealt with properly, or it can cause us to cower and miss out on life’s adventures. It keeps me safe when on the roof or the mountain, but it keeps me in a trapped time of solitary confinement when I hide from life. When I allow the things I am unaccustomed to, the new things, the things- out there- to create an unreasonable fear and I hide.

We can fear heights, dark, snakes,spiders or any multitude of things. But we can, should we desire, overcome those fears. The methods as individual as our fears. I know, that we have not been given a spirit of fear. but weak moments in our humanity can allow them to creep into our thoughts and mental beliefs. People around us can cause us to feel, not good enough, not smart enough, not good looking enough, not………

Hearing the words, can create that belief. When we feel not good enough, it can lead us into a fear that grows like a cancer stopping us from accomplishing the things we could and are meant to accomplish.

 When I am walking in my thinking circle, at night, many moments during the day, when I pray, my prayer is for strength, for understanding, for the ability to do what it is I am here for. Each day, I feel as if I am sitting on the roof of my house, gazing into the woods, seeing that different perspective. I feel a peace, a comfort, a strength. I once feared a life alone, now I find comfort in the solitude. Once I felt less than intellectual, but I am finding I am smarter than I gave myself credit, because it is in the realization of what you don’t know, and the quest to seek knowledge where we gain and grow. Once I feared greatly what was ahead of me, now the fear is less and the anticipation greater as excitement grows. I am learning, through faith and belief, to allow God, to slay my dragons.

What is your fear? What is your rooftop?

Our fears are as varied a roof tops, each different and unique to us. Each to be faced in the same manner, individual to us.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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2 Responses to May Fourteenth; Up On The Rooftop

  1. Rebecca says:

    Such beautiful views you have! I think I might find myself sitting on that rooftop quite often. 🙂

    • Thank you. I think that the very fact that its simple, makes it even more special. A waterfall, an ocean, even a large pond, are nice and would be wonderful, but this, is very quiet and serene.

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