Day 134; Footnotes of Missing (out)

 Tomorrow, May 15th, the Jeep group that I am part of will be participating on what is a rather large event. National Go Topless day, the jeeps will be topless. Since the top will not come off my Compass, I have decided to sit this one out. While I know that I would be welcome, Star, as much as I like this Jeep, would look a little odd among all those topless Wranglers. There will be other events.

 I won’t lie, there is a little of that missing out emotion going on, but there is also a charity climb tomorrow. I didn’t try to raise any money for that one, I can only do one at a time. I’m just not organized enough for multiple events.But I would like to challenge myself in the climb. I will probably go to the mountain (don’t tell Bella) and make an attempt at going up and down the steps with a third trip back up which would put me very close to the number of desired steps of 1311, or 3.2 miles, I’m not even thinking about sit ups so the number is not relevant. I haven’t been to the mountain in over a week, so I’m not even sure I can manage this, but I’ll find a way to at least get the 3.2 miles. This is for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. Leukemia is what took one of my brothers from us. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about Michael. Memories of him are always just on the edge of my thoughts, always in my heart. We all miss him so much. He left us before his youngest grand child was born. He did so love those kids, every single one of them and they knew it. We wonder, if we will leave any kind of a mark, and kind of sign that we’ve been here. How will we be remembered?

 My brother Michael, was an incredibly hard worker. No matter what he was asked to do, he would give it his best. He not only held down a full time job, but he had his own shop as well. It was more unusual to see him not working than working. When he was home from the day job, the doors to his shop were usually open, the light on and some big truck was pulled in being repaired. He was almost always willing to stop and help out with a family member in need. The only time he said no, or not yet, was when he knew it was either something he was not comfortable doing, or that there was something more he needed first. But he was always ready with a sarcastic or witty remark. And deer season, if you needed him then, just look for him in the woods. Better yet, don’t. He was focused on hunting not favors and he carried weapons. 

Mom’s pain, is understandably deep. One shouldn’t have to bury a child, no matter their age. And Michael was the one who had always been there. I had moved away, my other brother lived on the other side of town. Michael was right next door and always there to help. Now he’s not. My other brother and I do everything we can to help now, but we can’t heal that pain. Nothing will ease that hurt.

So I will attempt this climb in memory and honor of him. All the while hearing his voice in my head, that laughing “Hey sis.” asking me if I saw or if I scared his deer when I walked. 

The Relay for Life event that I will participate in is on his birthday. I’ve said it before, I hadn’t planned on participating in this year’s event, until I saw the date. What better way to combat the thief that stole my brother, than do this event? Working to raise money to help fund research. To help with all the many ways that the ACS assists cancer patients.

I really, really miss my brother. Maybe this, will help a little. I know that in time, I’ll see him again. That helps, but doesn’t fill the silence. Doesn’t stop the missing him. 

The Just Jeepin for a Cause group, is also going to participate in the event. I’m not sure where they are going to line us up to show off our grown up toys. I know I’ll have my Star there for that.

Memories are an amazing thing. They can be faulty or precise. They can hide from us, or haunt us. We can hold onto them tightly or feel them slipping away, stolen by time and age. I remember my husband, the feel of his arms around me, drawing me close. I remember those moments of his coming in from the road, or his leaving. I remember my brother, as kids growing up, as adults watching our kids grow. I remember and even through the pain of remembering, there is a smile. Thank you for the memories my brother, I miss you, but I’ll see you soon.

This is the link to my fundraiser page, if you should feel so inclined.

I do so miss you my brother.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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