May Ninth; Considering the Day I Thought I Would Never Celebrate

I need to call mom and tell her that her gift didn’t arrive. According to tracking it is “in transit”. The last location was a site not that far from here, a few towns over. That was just after 1AM yesterday. Nothing since then, so I have no clue where it is in transit to or when it may or may not make an appearance here. According to tracking, tomorrow, but the date has changed three times since I ordered the thing.  I guess I’m disappointed that this didn’t turn into one of those “Your package will arrive earlier than..” events. But, things happen when the time is right.

I was thirty-one years old, when my son was born. My one and only child. The child, I had given up on ever having.

I had never done anything to prevent pregnancy. It just never happened. Each month a disappointment to me as I watched the years ticking away. By the time I reached thirty, I figured that was it, I was not meant to be a  mother. Everything changed, the day I realized how late I was. When the home test showed positive I was in a glorious state of shock and joy.
The funniest moment was when my husband asked, “How did this happen?” “Well…” “No, not how did it happen but –how–did it happen, now?” All I could do was smile and shrug, timing. It was the right time.

I know that before this, I would not have been the mother I should have been. The events I was facing then, not the best for a child. That married to an abusive husband thing. Now married to a decent, good, hard working man, was an entirely different life. I was also a much better, more balanced person.

My youngest brother and his wife it turns out were also expecting their first child, but they had been concerned over announcing it because of my lack of children. When they found out about my expecting, they made their announcement as well. Their daughter was born just months after my son.

The pregnancy was pretty much uneventful though I did eat a lot of chocolate and I did have a ten pound baby. The doctor even telling me “Congratulations, you just had a linebacker”.

My son is now thirty-two. It has been an amazing, challenging, joyful, tearful journey to reach this point. There were struggles along the way, especially since he is and always has been an old soul. He will not tolerate drama but has found himself many times in the middle of the thing he detests.

But oh the blessing he has been. The Lord in his wisdom sent me the son who would be right for me, at the right time.  Since his dad passed he has been there for me. Doing the things I have yet to learn or be capable of doing myself. He is attempting to drag me kicking and screaming into a more technological mind set. Laughing at my foibles telling me technology doesn’t like me, but still tries to teach me. I think I may actually be getting better, but I won’t brag just yet.

He has an adventure planned for us today. Which I am somewhat looking forward to, and somewhat apprehensive. But then, is that also not what motherhood is? A grand and glorious adventure that is also at times fraught with apprehension?