A wall is a wall is a…window? Let’s take a visit down the rabbit hole and take a look around.
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/wall < definition of wall. As if by now we haven’t all learned all we need to know and more about walls. Or have we?
Here are some historical walls: https://origins.osu.edu/connecting-history/top-ten-origins-walls. I started to write that this article was written before the US began construction of the border wall but upon checking discovered I was incorrect. https://www.worldstir.com/history-u-s-mexico-border-wall/.
Through out history, walls have been built. For protection, for prevention, for division. Sadly in our time, I see a different wall being built. A wall in the form of a gulf dividing people of different beliefs, different race, different anything. Build the wall and put them on one side, and those on the other and never the two shall meet. That is so wrong.
But not all division is bad. The dividing walls in a home provide privacy of bedrooms and bath. In workplaces, offices give privacy and the quiet needed to work away from manufacturing floors. I personally won’t call a cubical as having walls but its sort of a wall relative. They also assist in holding up the roof of a building. For good or bad, physical walls can be functional.
Emotional walls, are different.
https://psychcentral.com/blog/dysfunction/2018/08/are-you-building-healthy-boundaries-or-emotional-walls#2 (<easy read)
Is it a matter of perspective when you try to decide whether you have build walls or installed boundaries? Personally, I have been told by several that I have built walls. Maybe. Maybe I simply have very strict boundaries.
I am a person who has dealt with being bullied. I am a person who has dealt with physical, emotional, mental abuse. While not to the level that others have, but to the point where it left its effects on me. After my husband died and even somewhat before, due to his being an over the road truck driver, I had to learn to stand on my own. I refuse to give any of the ground taken, back. It was hard earned.
I have dealt with those who have not understood the boundaries I have in place. I’ve been called names, I’ve been insulted, I’ve been called too independent. I’ve been told, I have walls in place. Maybe.
But I have developed and continuously work to develop my place and who I am. Because I choose to honor what I have accomplished so far is not a bad thing. Yet, to see that those boundaries were close to, if not becoming a wall, has also been noted. I have worked to install a window large enough to not only see, but to walk out into the world around me.
Boundaries, are important. They give us a standard a guide to live and function by. Showing us what we need to accomplish, where we should set our goals, moving them forward as we accomplish each step. Not to put them out of reach, but to encourage growth, to encourage…courage.
Boundaries, allow us to be who we are and prevent others from keeping us or diverting us from our authentic selves.
Boundaries, prevent others from taking advantage for their purposes.Boundaries, protect us.
Walls, as the one article above put it, are boundaries on steroids. Why do we build walls over using boundaries? https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2017/10/the-sad-truth-about-why-people-build-emotional-walls/
For me, I think that the wall I have created, is a wall created out of fear. Fear of being hurt again, fear of looking foolish, fear of losing the ground I have gained. The fear of losing the me I have discovered and continue to discover, to please someone else and be the person they think I should. I won’t even go into the empathic thing. But living inside a wall, is not living. It is hiding. It is lonely. You accomplish some, but not as much as what would be possible outside the wall. My own son has in the past called me a recluse. My son and his exuberance for life is who I want to be like.
How can one make those changes? Install doors instead of windows? Fill the moats or simply tear down the walls but leave the boundaries?
A peek in the rabbit hole shows many different routes. It is up to the individual to seek the way that is best for them.I believe though, that the changes begin, the moment we understand and see, the walls that we have constructed. Then making the decision that we are tired of hiding behind them and seek to tear them down. As I mentioned, the rabbit hole of knowledge offers many suggestions and ways, but life is not a one size fits all experience so learning how to return to living, does not have a one size fits all answer. For me, it has been uncomfortable at times, frightening at times, emotional all the time. One has to desire living, without surrendering themselves in the process.
One has to be vulnerable to be strong. One has to face threats to find strength. One has to face fear to find courage. One has to face the wounds to find the healing. One has to face the wall to see the door.