That isn’t exactly how that saying goes, but it works.
When my husband was still alive and driving that truck, he became very insecure. All he kept hearing was about all the other truck drivers whose wives cheated on them. To calm his fears and to prevent any chance of anyone saying something untrue, I was very careful in who I associated with.
Male coworkers were kept at a distance and conversations were limited to work related issues. There were a very few, I would have actual non-work related conversations. My husband knew those and were friends as well with most.
Outside of work, I was very careful in how I spoke and acted around men. My husband knew he could trust me, but I knew him. All it would take would be one whispered lie and he would wonder and doubt, so I was careful and very selective.
My husband has been dead four years. I’m still careful and selective in who I allow in my life. I guess old habits die hard.
I was thinking about that today though. The people okay men, that I have allowed in my life over the last four years. Even when it was merely a friendship, which they all have been, I have realized that I tended to focus on that friendship and that friendship alone. To the exclusion of everything and everyone else. I have spent hours on the phone talking with people. My son would walk in and see me on the phone, later he would pass by and I would still be on the phone. He would ask me, what we would have to talk about that long. With some people, its not difficult at all.
But When you do this, when you focus solely on one, the possibility is great that you are unknowingly causing problems for yourself. When you grow too dependent on one individual, and suddenly that individual is no longer there, what then? When you stand and stare out the window, holding a silent phone. Longing and missing the conversation that few others would understand. The topics covering known and not so know information. Discussing the definite and the possible maybe probably even when it seems far fetched.
Today, as I was out walking in my thinking circle I was considering this. How I had limited myself. I remembered my mother telling me of a conversation that she had with my brother after my husband’s death. She was talking about how she was blessed that she had good children and that none were wild. To which my brother responded, “Becky is single now, she can go wild.” She had to add that he was joking. I wasn’t so sure but never brought it up with him.
I realized though, that I have no desire to ‘go wild’ but I need to stop putting limits on myself. I’m not looking for love or a romantic relationship, but friends. And I am in a position where that is not only allowed, but encouraged by my son. He has grown weary of my reclusive ways, and to be fair, so have I.
But I think, that is some ways, many of us do this. We find something or someone to focus on to the exclusion of everything else. It may be a person, it may be a job, it may be a hobby, or any number of other things. We get this tunnel vision, life and lose track of everything else. Coming out of that tunnel and back into real life can be a very rude awakening. Especially if we have allowed other important things to suffer.
Which is why I am trying to join in more. I went to a Jeep group fundraising event this morning, I joined a secret jeep sister group, I joined a support your local firefighter group. I need to start going back to church and not just watch the online. My mind also wandered off into one of those odd pondering moments that I’ll write about later. I’m still working on exactly how to phrase that one. So I’m trying not to put all of anything in one basket…and one blog.