Ever so often, I leave a day on my calendar blank of word prompts. I’m guessing I planned on writing on the fact that Daylight Saving Time has finally arrived and I might yet, a bit later today. Instead, something else has been brought to my attention through my reading of the blogs of others this morning. It was definitely not difficult for me to catch on.
Yesterday. the Jeep group that I am a member of, held a chili cook off. When I first saw that it was being scheduled, and the physical address of the event, I thought I wouldn’t be able to participate as I don’t drive in that area. Investigating further showed that it was not where I thought and therefore I should be able to drive there. Should be, being the operative term. I discussed yesterday on my onset of anxiety and fear on the day of the event and how I actually even after all my preparations, nearly chickened out.That brings me to today. And the blogs that I have been reading this morning.
First up was a write on having a ‘shadow friend’ https://diosraw.com/2021/03/14/do-you-know-you-have-a-shadow-friend/ Oh yeah, I know this friend, in fact, we became acquainted a long time ago.
This blog setting off a chain of reading events that could not have been coincidence. Personally, I do not believe in chance or luck, all things that happen have purpose and meaning. So I changed my reading pattern to one of deeper concentration and focus. I not only wanted, but I needed to see what message was being shared today.
*Note to self* When you see these amazing things, document them before deleting.
So I have spent time trying to relocate the blogs I read, then gave up. Maybe, because what I need to do here, is share my thoughts even as theirs was amazing and eye opening for me.
I have called myself a coward often, especially when facing something I feel beyond me. As in driving somewhere alone that I haven’t traveled to before. I often make jokes about a worry or fear over getting lost and finding myself in a distant state even though even I would realize that a twenty minute drive would not take hours. Therefore my fears are in their least annoying and the worst irrational.
I have admitted often that when I find myself in a group of people, I will place myself at a distant point and observe. Joining in only with someone I know reasonably well. I have a readily available list of reasoning / excuses for this. I can quickly offer them up in order of importance, alphabetical or random, listener’s preference.
Even though I didn’t go out often when my husband was alive, I have gone out even less since. Especially after losing my job and income. I used the lack of income more than any other reason. Even though it is partially true, it is still an excuse more than anything else. (Not excluding the fact that when my husband was alive and driving that truck therefore rarely home, he would demand to know why I was going somewhere when he couldn’t causing me to stop going a lot. Just to shut him up.)
I was sitting here reading through blogs of affirmation and strength. Blogs of encouragement and acceptance of who you are and who you can be. Blogs of needing to love yourself.
Some how along the reading I began to think on fears, anxiety and stress related issues. I then decided to pop down the rabbit hole to seek out information on the biology of fear and anxiety and stress effects on the body. By the way, one does not just “pop” down the rabbit hole as should be evidenced as to how late my own blog is in being posted.
https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/body
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3181681/
The one thing that all of this has cleared up for me, is that my main fear, is lack of control. It is when I do not have full control, or believe that I do not have full control over a situation, then the anxiety rises.
Even though I do now have a so called smart phone that does have maps, the fact that I had no clue on how to get the thing to ‘talk to me’ took away a slice of control. My having to glance quickly to see where I was and how far was left to go to the next turn, left me uncomfortable as I do not like taking my eyes off the road. I also need to purchase a mount of some sort for the phone. I also now know how to get my phone to quit giving me the silent treatment. However, the fact that even with the challenges, I found the place. Score one for me.
I deliberately placed my chair closer to the group. That was another score for me, even though no one there knew how difficult that small act was. Simply placing my seat within range of conversation was a big step for me.
After the reading this morning, and the reminder that the thought that everyone is loved and worthy of love, includes me, quirks fears and all.
What I have to learn, is that I cannot always be in control of a situation, I’m not meant to be. I have however, control over how I act and react to those situations. What other people think of me, is of lesser importance of what I think of myself. Over the past years, I have fought hard to gain control and repeatedly had it ripped from my grasp. I am finally understanding it is because I’m not meant to have that much power.
What I do need to have, is trust.
Words from The Dirt Road 
the pictures of the steps that are made strong with the entire outline and wording you put in is perfect. i remember times like that, putting trust in a set of stairs. we had a dock by the channel in the back yard where we had the row boat and canoue tied to. we’d have to walk down the steps to the dock to get in the boat, yet never once does one think how much trust has to be put into those stairs.
A lot of things we trust in, we trust blindly without really thinking. It is when we have to step outside the normal where we have to learn that conscious trust.
i comprehend what you wrote in your reply. i dont drive. lost my liscens from someone else driving my car in the late 1980’s. been walking ever since. was hit by a car once, yet that wasnt due to the negligence of the driver that ran into me, it was do to the blizzard, no one could see the road nor the curb, as a perdestrian i had a advantage point and is why i never filed a claim when i was hit by the car. the cars was all swerving in and out of the lines on the road and they couldnt see a thing, me i could see maybe four feet in front of me so i know those in the cars had a windshield had a hard time seeing
Which is why even if we get the least sign of snow here I stay home if at all possible. It snows so rarely that no one really knows how to drive or walk in it.
Wow! i was born in a blizzard year. Normally when it would snow, id go outside playing just likme summer. was painting a nice picture from my bedroom window looking outwards. we had the wobbeling vortex in the polar north that had snow all the way down to mexico according to reports, yet i hadnt called mexico to do a line of sight to find accuracy to the reports. yet the wobbeling vortex threw snow all the way down to mexico. ELF wave stations was originaly designed to protect earth from nuclear missles by controling the weather. i was reseaching ELF wave stations, groups of antennas and a massive power supply that push a radio bubble upwards that manipulates the jet stream causing weather abnomalitys.
yet was painting a nice picture of the snow everywhere through a looking spot of my bedroom window. its a nice painting. for all purposes, i would post thepainting so ya could see it, yet i dont have it patented nor copyrighted, and i write that do to i had suffered from intellectual property theft do to writing on the intranet. 15 years ago i made a pair of glasses you could wear, safety glasses that was a prototype with a radio and a phoen spot so ya could wear your phone as glasses and someone stolen the invention from me, thing is the people in town know this because i wore them to the jewelry shop and the food pantry, i few a few inventions i was working on, about a 1,000 of them, go to: http://www.ZDnet.com and ya can read a few segments on things you’ve mentioned. Cool?
I gotta go make breakfast. gotta make dinner too. ive been trying to cook for the longest time and i cant get it right for taste and flavor like my two familys can, not kidding. i gave her one of my resicipes and its my own rescipie and she immediately made the first one ten times better then the one i made
thanks rebecca, patrick
i fed my birds with bird seed. i fed the birds two days ago, normal sparrows. the bird seed is still sitting there of an area that has a lot of sparrows and sparrows generally remain in a area where there is a food source. birds are elf sensitive and sensitive to radio waves. if the waves are very heavey from the antennas they never come around, you’d know that form of science if ya ever been to the store and seen the electronic things that emit a sound to get rid of insects insterad of using a insecticide. well, the bird seed is still out there, when they turned on that 5g antenna last year prior to that virus coming out the birds hadnt been behaving properly at all. for 15 years the birds always would come around, they turn on that antenna and my Lord it alters everything. Wave Theory in physics.
Yes. I’ve been reading up on all of that. I’m very glad that we don’t have a tower close to us. They are out there, but far enough away to not cause problems with the life right here.
read the report by david harrison with the fcc of weaponizing antenna systems. it’s something that began in ww2 in briton from a design they made to tack aircraft in the air called radar. the british kids filed a law suit against their government feeling that they were using electronic antenna systems againsdt them because they couldnt comprehend their own behaviors yet knew the elf waves permeate threw the hipacampus of the brain targeting basic human emotiions causing irradic behaviors in people, or since they had been studying the psycology of the human brain theyyknow what araes to target to cause someone to be differanty then theirself. one dude that was a navy dude picked up a rifle and shot people on his own base and he later filed a report that they were pointing a elf wand at him that caused him to behave in the fasion that he had. the same waves will cause lack of trust in people, will make people angry and or overly happy, because they have the human brian mapped of where all the sensory glands are to each emotion they know how electronic waves affect those glands and can litterly turn people into raging bulls, if there is a mass grouping of people that all havee mobile phones that can potentially be a bad thing for that group do to high receptability to a mass amount of communication devices wherde with the proper antennas and instraments and know how one could turn the entire crowd into a angry mob ie thats noticable in America and a coupkle other countrys whefre therre are litteraly a million people that feel they had been experimented upon through their mobile phones antenna from a elf location and or other type of device, that is reality in physics, dont forget about the million and a half satilights in gravitational orbit that have to propell waves back and fourth to earth, or the emmisions in the atmosphere that are tiny micro particles from exhaust pipes or smoke stacks that when in the atmosphere thery are heat absorbers in a unconctrolled atmosphere that accellerate heat, the dude that i use to write to about my gravitational constant dam equation stephen hawkins he knew the same thing as i, yet many of the astrophysistists could probably state the same thing, the amount of people that had been wrong prescribed medications ie psycotropics due to their behaviors some of them was wrongly medicated do to they were being experimented on by radio waves in the atmosphere or ground level
we have alot of high winds in the area. i had to go outside and do a security sweep and look around. my next door neighbor parked under my tree by the parkway and i wish she wouldnt do that do to there are dead branches way up there and she has a very expensive car and if thosae branches fall on her car it could damage it. i cant get to the top of the tree like i use to as a young kid to cut the braqnches down, yet we got a big tree that has pavement on one side and a cement sidewalk on the other side above the roots and it causes the tree to maintain a ton of moisture making it more feable then usual where and how branches brake off in one way and another way it do to the moisture build up in the tree the insects built nests in the croch of the tree branch areas and they stay there eating at it and in occasionaly light galer winds branches had been known to fall off
well, ah, um, i dont know, i gotta plan a dinner
www,ZDnet.com
http://www.ZDnet.com you can look at annalytics reports
Actually my friend, being created in God’s image, you (all of us) are MEANT to have all the power of the universe. Remember what Jesus told us….
John 14:12
12 Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.
When you embrace the “intent” of our Father, all the “Little Things” will be just that. 😉
Glad you went and enjoyed the event. 🙂
Chris
Thank you Chris, and thank you for this wonderful reminder.