March 7; Four Years Ago You Left Us

A day, that started like so many other days. One that did not progress like so many other days.

We still had a house full of cats and kittens. Mom cat being a young female that had been dumped near by. She had already had one litter of kittens and this was the second. We found where they were born and had brought them inside since it was too cold for them to be outside. On this day, the kittens were almost eight weeks old and the rescue had already told me they would take the kittens and mom at eight weeks.

growing kittens….. its like living in a house with living squeak toys…. toys that get even if you accidentally step on one

After dealing with the kittens and being ready all but for getting my rigid contacts in my eyes, I was ready for work;

good morning all- One of those contacts do not want to go in right morning so I’m now running late…may your day be a wonderful adventure filled with things that bring a laugh, fond memories and safe be well be blessed be the difference

My work schedule had me arriving at 6AM and leaving at 4PM.  My first break was a few minutes after 8 that morning. I had waited until then to make my first call to my husband. When he first answered the phone I couldn’t understand what he was saying and he hung up. I called him back to ask what was wrong. His comment was “What do you think?” Oh yeah, he was still sick. Before I could say anything he continued “Bec, let me go.” To this day, I don’t remember saying what I always no matter what said. I don’t remember telling him “I love you.” I had no way of knowing those words would be the last I ever heard from him. Its rather prophetic though. Let him go, he was going home.

Every break after that and several times in between, I tried to call him only for the phone to ring unanswered.Two minutes before quitting time, I was finishing up helping operators shut down their machines when my phone rang. It wasn’t him but another from the company he drove for. They wanted to know if he was okay, I tried to tell them I didn’t know because I had not spoken with him since that morning. Their words of, “Is he not home? Because I heard he had been found deceased in his truck” rocked my world. Everything tilted, shifted and grew silent. I was surrounded by noise that I was no longer hearing.

I drove home wondering how I was going to tell our son, but quickly found out he already knew. The trucking company had called and told him.

Then, I tried to call my step daughter but couldn’t reach her. I didn’t want her finding out over social media. I called his sister. I went outside and sat down, waiting for the police officer I was told would come. I had no way of knowing, because I didn’t look, what was happening on social media.

OK Yall just want ever one to keep a friend in the prays tonight her husband passed today and he was away from home he was a driver for our company it kinda scary to say the lease Rebecca S. RevelsI’m so sorry

Prayers needed for my friend Rebecca S. Revels Her husband passed away suddenly while away from home for work.

On and on it went.I sat there with my sister-in-law and her youngest daughter. Just talking, watching the many solar lights I had out come on. We met with the police office who was very polite but very glad to find out I already knew.

Somewhere along the line, I wrote this:

The phone hasn’t stopped ringing

but it wasn’t you

A lot of people have been by today,

cars and trucks pulling into the drive

but it wasn’t you

that I saw walking through the gate

sitting in that rocker

talking about my solar lights as they came on one,

by one

I sat there in that chair on the porch,

even as the air grew colder

thinking of you,

where your body rests

even as I know,

and I know yes I know

where you are

even as I know that I know that I know

you have seen Jesus

I know, your physical ailments are gone

I know,

you worry no more

your journey here is through

so many people have been by here

but it wasn’t you

I miss you already

no longer now will you worry about weights and directions finding somewhere to stop for the night

a place to pick up a few groceries

no longer will you worry about hours

or argue with that qualcom in the truck

or that gps that can’t find where you want to go

a lot of people have been by

have called, have left messages

but it wasn’t you

since I got that call

oh how I wish

that it wasn’t you.

how I wish

that it wasn’t you

And then finally, this;

so tired..
goodnight all
be safe
be well
be blessed

Four years. How can it be four years?

I haven’t heard your voice calling me from the other end of the house, or from the front porch asking for a cup of coffee. We haven’t sat across from each other at any of your favorite places to eat. I haven’t had you steal a shopping buggy from me and then disappear. I haven’t felt your arms around me, your lips on mine, snuggled up close in the night.Its been four years.I think that it has been on my mind because someone recently told me that I have gone through so much. I have made a lot of changes, found strength I didn’t fully realize I had, until now. This past year has been a coin toss between nightmare and blessing. I miss you, but you will always be with me, in my heart and memories and in the wonderful man we created in your son.
 The pain from that day, the longing and loneliness that followed, has eased.   I know that now, you are healed from all that had plagued you, you, yourself have found rest, peace and walked with the saints. You have seen Jesus. Because I know this, I have learned to be content. I have found peace.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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29 Responses to March 7; Four Years Ago You Left Us

  1. Oh Rebecca…. my friend, I do remember that day vividly. So heartbreaking and sad. You are such a strong and wise woman that you absolutely amaze me. Honestly I don’t think I could ever ever be that strong.

    I’m sending huge virtual hugs and love…. God bless you! Love you 😥 ❤

    • Thank you dear Colleen, not feeling all that strong right now, but I think the brownies I’m preparing to bake will help..but seriously, thank you. The hugs and love much appreciated.

  2. So sorry for your loss. I imagine he still lives in your heart and your memories.
    May he forever rest in peace.
    May your heart find peace and happiness in his memory.

  3. leendadll says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. I am glad to see you appreciating your memories and time together.

  4. Lebogang Shazzygal Malatji says:

    So sorry for your loss Rebecca
    You are a strong woman and keep the light shining. Sending virtual hugs and kisses. Love you lots

  5. cheriewhite says:

    Oh, Rebecca, sweetie, I’m so sorry for your loss. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I have a husband and he is also a driver. My last husband also passed away, three years before I met my current hubby, so I’m really feeling your words. Know that you have a friend.

  6. Time will lessen your pain…🙏🙏🙏

  7. It will I know, thank you..

  8. dunelight says:

    I am sorry for your loss. ❤

  9. davidprosser says:

    I’m sorry for your loss Rebecca but so glad to hear you’ve found peace. I think I probably have too but sometimes the memories threaten demolition. Luckily as with you, the memories are good and can be cherished. It was March 30th, 2013 for me when my light died. Only those of us who’ve experienced it can understand it. Chin up girl, with your wonderful family you’ll get through the day and I’ll think of you.

  10. Thank you. Happy Easter to you as well as hugs.

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