Part of me is thinking I will be glad when my son gets his car fully repaired as I can then go back to enjoying the peace of my mornings and dragging my feet on moving into the day. Granted its an easy journey to take him to work and get back home, taking less than thirty minutes as long as traffic behaves. I do have to go ahead and get dressed before leaving as I’m not running around the county in my night clothes. My Grandmother would spin around in her grave. She was very proper and insisted on me and my brothers to ‘act right’ and we did just that. Some lessons, you don’t forget.
I did manage to get the feral cats fed this morning. Two of which are getting a lot braver. One sat within ten feet of me letting me know very vocally that I was not getting that food out quickly enough. The other was not as close but still, the fact they acted as they did gives me hope.
I do have things I need to take care of today. Things I’ve put off simply because I could. Then there is one I put off because I had to have my son’s help with part of the process. I supplement the heat with a wood burning stove. The last time I tried to build a fire, which I could not get to burn no matter what, I realized I had to do some cleaning. The wood stove simply was not drafting and was filling the house with smoke. When I tried to get the stove pipe loose it wouldn’t budge. I needed my son to get it from the stove. I just kept forgetting to ask. Finally last night I remembered. When he got it apart for me it was obvious why it wasn’t drafting. It needed a serious cleaning from the build up inside. I may also go borrow my dad’s chimney brush and give that a good going over, especially since I do still have his ladder. But it isn’t the stove pipe so much that I’m thinking about.
Since I don’t feel comfortable giving advice on how to make oneself better, I always use myself as example. I have not always made the best choices and have ended up somewhat soiled.
As a Christian, I know that Jesus the Christ, forgives and through Him I am forgiven and cleansed of those stains: https://www.openbible.info/topics/jesus_cleansing_us.
As human, living among humans, it is sometimes difficult to forgive myself as the guilt is real. But that is where satan wins, when we can’t let go and forgive ourselves. The Bible has much to say about that as well: https://www.openbible.info/topics/forgiving_yourself.
My biggest problem, is the knowing that others know my failings, and that some still hold that against me. It has taken a while for me to step aside, realize and fully accept that what they think, isn’t important. The fact that I have asked and been forgiven, is all that matters.
It has taken this past year, where I was removed from a job that took way too much of my time and attention, where I have been given the time to reflect and grow closer to the Lord, that I have come to that better understanding. Amazing how when you spend time away from the distractions, when you spend more time in solitude and prayerful contemplation, when the truth sinks in and comprehension comes about. The things that I was allowing to cause me to feel dirty, to feel less, to feel unworthy, are the mere shadow hauntings of past missteps. They are the whispers of what was, that no longer is. I have been forgiven and those wrongs forgotten: https://www.openbible.info/topics/god_forgives_and_forgets.
Since God Himself, has not only cleansed me but also forgets my sins, who am I to hold onto them?
Words from The Dirt Road 