Being that I spent so much of the day with mom, I really didn’t get to read a lot. (I’m reading; Forward Discovering God’s Presence and Purpose in Your Tomorrow by Dr. David Jeremiah) Yet, even with what I read, there were parts that got my attention. There is a chapter titled, “Speak Positively to Yourself”
I am very bad about verbally tearing myself down. It is something that has been going on for as long as I can recall. For all of that time, I never felt as if I fit in with my so called peers. Having grown up on the outskirts of anywhere and not getting involved in extracurricular stuff at school, I always felt like I was looking in a window. I was watching the cool kids having a blast while I wondered what that felt like.
By the time I had reached Jr. High, Middle School, call it what you will, I had without intent, made an enemy. In the heat of an argument, they called me a name that stuck. I fought that for years. After a while, you simply grow weary of the fight. Especially when you feel as if you’re fighting it alone.
Bad marriages left me heart wounded, and with a destroyed sense of worth. My self-esteem was in shambles. It became easier to simply accept and agree with the insults, the attacks and threats. Hear something often enough, and you begin to believe. They keep saying it, so it has to be true.
I still, from time to time, catch myself tearing myself down. I’m working on it though. This chapter, in this book spoke loud and clear.
“Outside of praying, your most important words are the ones you say to yourself.”
“I’ve learned to talk to myself instead of listening to myself.”
“Every time you have a thought, it triggers an electrochemical reaction in your body…”
There is a lot more said, but without permission, I don’t want to use too much. You get the gist of it I’m sure.
What you think, how you think of yourself, what you say to yourself, matters. It does make a difference. Words linger and echo through our mind. Like the saying that nobody sees the good you do but mess up one time and no one forgets. Its the same with these negative thoughts. Sprouting and spreading like Kudzu or Wisteria Vines. Once they get hold, they are nearly impossible to eradicate. I know.
Even though over the course of the past three years I have somewhat worked on those thoughts, it wasn’t until this past year I’ve noticed a difference. Being out here pretty much on my own has helped. I’m not dealing with coworkers and stressed managers. I’m not dealing with people who are easily upset. I’m not around a lot of folks with which to compare myself. And, most importantly, I have been strengthening my faith and drawing closer to God. I am learning to shut off and ignore that inner, negative voice.
Drawing closer to God,Who made me, just as planned. I am the only me, the best me there is. The same with everyone else. We are, as we were meant to be. Different, special, unique. We have gifts and talents designed just for us. We have a purpose that is specific to us. God loves us, just as we are. Because He created us, as we are.