I love to read. Books, magazines, blogs, comments (yes, blatant hint)., only I don’t always get to read as I would like. Because of busyness, rigid contacts that seriously need replacing, and according to a friend, the attention span of a gnat my reading suffers. I have books here to read, it is simply a matter of doing the reading.
Today, I felt lead to pick up one of those books.
I’m halfway through this book and it seems like there is a moment on every page that something (Some One?) is poking me asking, “Are you listening?” “Are you paying attention?” “This is meant for you.”
The book is by Dr. David Jeremiah, titled, Forward. Discovering God’s Presence and Purpose in Your Tomorrow.
Within days of my losing my job a friend of mine blurted out, “When you told me you lost your job, God told me, ‘Now she can work on her book.” I smiled, they didn’t know that because we were on the phone. I currently have multiple works in progress. Some that have been in progress for a couple years. I get so far and stop. I didn’t argue with them though. Why would I argue about something they and to be truthful, I, recognized to be real? I could work on one of the many manuscripts waiting. But not one of them seemed to be , the one.
So off I went on this journey of recovery.
I have spent the last year, and within a few weeks, it will be a year that I have not worked, clearing away a lot of debris. Last Spring and Summer I cleared my yard of years of neglect and overgrowth. With every section of yard cleared I felt better but…not.
During the reclaiming of my yard, there were three times I remember, of where I came literally, within inches of stepping on a venomous Copperhead snake. It was almost as if something were trying to scare me into giving up and ending my quest. But I persevered and by the time my full yard was cleared I felt accomplished.
There have been times since my husband died when the loneliness has been nearly unbearable. There have been times when I knew of friends who were suffering through health issues, job issues, relationship issues. Being sensitive to the suffering of others, was taking a toll on me. To combat that I would go out to the make do walking track I had created in a section of my yard. There, while walking, I would talk it out with the Lord. Free talking, just letting the words flow, or walk in silence, letting the emotions be felt. As I knew He would and did.
I didn’t realize it at first, but those prayer sessions, were giving me more than the peace of praying for friends. I was drawing closer to my Lord. I was drawing from Him not only the peace from the storms, but strength I didn’t know I had. A growing confidence, a gift and blessing from Him.
I was told not long ago that I was too independent. I was being too strong, trying to do everything on my own. First, that was what my parents and grandparents taught us to be. Second, I had no choice when my husband was alive because he was a long haul truck driver and there were things that had to be done, that couldn’t wait for him to get home. Third, he’s been dead four years come March seventh, while my son does help, most of it has fallen on me. And the strength, peace and confidence from the Lord.
Thing is, those comments, struck a nerve.
Had I been doing things wrong? Had I misjudged? Was I that square peg trying to fit into a round hole? That mental confusion caused me to take a few steps back and question a lot of what I had thought I understood. It actually undid a lot of progress I had made. I slid back into the box of my own making.
Back to the book.
As I was reading, sentences, words, statements kept getting my attention. Especially the phrase, “choose a chair”. In the book, it was stated as a father telling his son he would have to make the choice of which profession he would choose. He had to decide where to place his focus. He had to choose a chair.
Lightening bolt, flashing lights, explosions…realization.
I had lost my focus. I was trying to sit on two different chairs. That doesn’t work, won’t work. For obvious reasons. I have to choose a chair. I have to decide where to anchor my focus. And that focus has to be on finding and following the purpose God has for my life.
I believe that yes, He did take me out of the job I had because it took up most of my time. When I wasn’t working I was physically and mentally exhausted.
I believe that He allowed me to reclaim my yard, to clear away the over grown mess, and in the process, clear away a lot of the mess that had taken over my thought processes.
The snakes? A reminder that in all things we do there are dangers and to be alert at all times.
The prayer circle, drew me closer so that when days like today happen, I am aware of the message being sent to me.
I’m half way through a book that has already said a lot. I’m enjoying reading it and gleaning those gotcha moments. I’ve always enjoyed reading David Jeremiah’s books, but this one, will always be a favorite. I say as I face forward and choose a chair.