Today actually went much better than expected. I feared that I might spend it moping about, feeling all sorry for myself. But, that didn’t happen. Actually, today went rather well.
I not only cleaned up my kitchen, I emptied the left overs out of the fridge. Even that bowl that was shoved way back at the back. Turned out it was hot dog chili, and it really hadn’t been there too terribly long. I try to clean out the fridge often, I really don’t like finding those mystery bowls of green, funky looking stuff. The bowls that make you wonder if the contents could be the next penicillin. Either that or the next low budget, horror movie creature.
I also try to clear my mind of those negative thoughts. The ones that want to make me feel less than. The ones that have me starting to slide back into my safe zone. Evictions from my mind aren’t always easy, but are necessary and really feel good afterwards.
I got my morning blog finished a little early this morning. It was funny in a way. My mother, who calls me every morning, called me this morning an hour early to tell me good morning, she had been up since 3am with the dog, and she was going back to bed. And hung up.
I on the other hand no being fully awake, went ahead and got up and started my coffee. Cup in hand I began my blog and completed it without interruption.
Then, feeling energetic, I started doing laundry. One look out the window at the cloudy, foggy, rainy morning told me I wasn’t going hiking. At least not this morning so best get grown up stuff done. My son usually does his own laundry, but I went ahead and got his as well today. I may need a favor in the future.
Washing clothing, removing the stains and getting them clean, putting them away, ready for their next use. Kinda like us, washed clean of sins and made ready for our purpose along the journey.
My laundry work was interrupted-darn- by an invitation for lunch. Which I happily accepted. Then I called my mother and told her I was going out. Yep, I do that. Because if I don’t and she calls up here and I don’t answer the house phone she gets crazy. I was in the shower once and because I didn’t answer the phone she immediately thought I had fallen or passed out or some other horrible thing had happened. She told me all this. So, if I’m going out, and my car will still be here, I call her.
Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd yes, I got, “Where are you going?” “Who with?” “Are you going to have something good?” And probably a few more questions that I had stopped listening to as my mind screamed I’m 63 not 16. Still, she’s mom and I love her and am happy and blessed to still have her annoying as answering those questions can be.
I did enjoy lunch, even though we had to wait thirty minutes to be seated. My will power was strong and I managed to only glance at a few of the items in the store. I love the Cracker Barrel, going there is teaching me how to be patient and strong in restraint. A ‘look but don’t buy’ mantra playing in my head.
The service was good, the food was good, the conversation was good. I did have to face the true comment, on a wall that I have built up around myself. I think that sometimes, that wall can be easily built, when you feel that you have to protect yourself from the possibility of being hurt yet again. A wall built with bricks of fear, self preservation, past hurts. A wall built slowly as you feel yourself healing and wanting to protect that healing. But, those walls are not always insurmountable.
After lunch, home again, I did finish that pile of laundry. Well it will be done when that last load in the drier finishes. I do tend to have a bad habit of getting distracted and forgetting, not hearing that everything has stopped, and is awaiting action from me.
I wrote a part two, to this morning’s blog. Because I felt that in part it wasn’t exactly what I wanted, and needed to say.
I fed the feral cats. I think I am fast becoming the local, crazy cat lady as more are showing up now. I’ve gone from one, to three to, five to I think there was seven or eight out there at various times today. That, isn’t going to work. A few of those definitely didn’t look like strays. They were too fat and sassy and eating food meant for the three Mouskateers.
Today, would have been our anniversary, but God called him home. That dream of growing old together was abruptly ended by that death do us part thing. I made it through today though, without falling into a dark state. I made it because I stayed busy, and didn’t allow myself to dwell on the could have been. I made it because of a distraction that was a good thing. Lunch always trumps laundry.
I wonder how many of us have a plan, or dream and we allow ourselves to become distracted? The dream is still there, waiting on us to remember. Waiting for us to get back on track and return to working toward realizing that dream. I wonder, how many had plans, dreams, hopes, that through no fault of your own got derailed, and now you are seeking a new dream?
Words from The Dirt Road 
Your mom worrying over you sounds like my twin sister and me. We always text each other a good morning and good night message. And when we know we won’t be able to reply to a text right away, we let each other know what we’re up to. I panic when she does not answer…then she texts and is like, what? She never received me text. LOL
Its always good to have someone who cares that much. With mom, I know a lot of it is because she is so lonely and so stuck because of Covid. I often wondered though, what it would have been like to have a sister..