Broken.
In the process of writing one post, I found out information about an event that happened here recently. For those who do not know, I live on a one lane, dead end, dirt road. I grew up here. I currently live in the house in which I grew up. I have wonderful memories of this road and my childhood. At that time, there were only four houses on this road. Now there are over twice that many houses and four apartments. Times change, progress moves on.
Growing up here was an amazing time. Innocent, protected, free of fears of everything but snakes and ghost stories. Nothing stays the same. There are times, when even great sadness finds its way to innocent places.
The past year has taken a toll on all of us. We have lost and we have gained. We have struggled and we have overcome. Still, there are those whose struggle is too much for them.
The other day, I was sitting here peacefully enjoying a quiet afternoon. In the distance I heard an approaching siren. That in itself is not unusual as the main road is a well used route to the local hospital. My dogs began their howling at the sound, that suddenly stopped. Then I heard another siren approaching, that also stopped suddenly, very close. When I walked to the door I saw the blue lights of police cars going down our dirt road. For several long minutes police cars from various departments came down the road. Three paramedic vehicles came down. One so large it was a wonder it made it around the curve above my house, but it did. I quickly brought my dogs inside. I had no idea that there wouldn’t be a K9 unit come in and I didn’t want my dogs in trouble for barking at a police dog. (I almost had a dog get shot for that one time.)
Eventually the paramedics all let. Then a crime scene van went down the road. Later two dark vehicles with emblems I couldn’t make out on the door and blue tag lights. All the while I wondered what had happened. I knew though that the smartest move, was to make no move. To stay right where I was and let the police handle what ever had happened. Yes, I do have a scanner app on my phone, but I didn’t think of it in time.
Today, I found out what happened. That afternoon, for what ever reason, a gentleman chose to end his life. I don’t know why, I will never ask why. The pain of the family is beyond deep, I will not add to that pain. I will though, at least partially blame the past year. The distancing required. The shutdown of so much and the not being able to get out with others. The inability to find necessities, the inability to get in to see doctors. When you do get in, you can only go alone. Last year was a very dark year, a dark time of confusion, pain, struggles to simply survive. Many are falling deep into depression, suffering in ways like never before.
We are not be able to visit as we would like. We have to keep distance from others. We have to do things in a much different manner than before, but it isn’t forever. We have faced medical issues before and made it through. The important thing is that we do our best to protect ourselves and protect those around us. Believe what you will, we need to stop fighting each other and pull together. Lives depend on our actions.We need to be able to get out again. We need businesses and schools to fully reopen. We need to be able to gather together and be a community again. Until then, we need to take care of the most vulnerable. We need, to take care of ourselves, physically, mentally and emotionally.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Suicide prevention 1-800-273-8255
We are all struggling. Some are having a much more difficult time. If you are among those who feel as if you are sinking with no way out, there is always a way. Reach out, find someone to talk with. Find someone to sit with if that is what you need at the moment.
You are important. You are special. You are needed. You have purpose. You are worthy. You are beautiful. You are wanted. You are an integral part of life. A link in the chain that creates a continuous extension.
You are
You are
You are
You are
Never, allow yourself to think you aren’t. There is never anything so dark that light cannot get through. Never anything so hurtful, there cannot be healing. No pit so deep, you cannot be reached. There is never, a reason to suffer in silence. Your voice, even in pain, is worthy of hearing.
Should those dark moments creep in, reach out. There is always someone who will take your hand and guide you back to peace and healing. There is always someone there.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention/index.shtml
Words from The Dirt Road 