Today was a day I had looked forward to with an excitement that I had not felt in a long while. I had marked it on my calendar the moment I saw it announced. It was for a good cause and the Jeep group I belong to was participating.
Then, I couldn’t go. I’ve mentioned the Jeep group I belong to is one that participates in many charitable events. They raise money for local needs on a regular basis. They also believe strongly in helping local businesses. That was one of the main reasons I wanted to be a part of it all, but at the very first event I attended, I discovered that these are just downright nice people.
I attended several events, each one a little better than the previous as I spoke with more people. I was trying to help out, I was also trying to prove my son wrong in that I am not a recluse. I was also proving to myself that I can actually head out to somewhere and find it. I may take a wrong turn along the way, but I righted my direction and got to where I was going.
But this event. Today’s event, was special. A local business was holding a bike, car, truck, Jeep show. There would be vendors, and various other ways to raise money to benefit Veterans. It started at 3pm so I knew I would be on my own with this one as my son would be working. I was actually excited.
Then……boom. My son got sick. My son never gets sick, but he had a bug. I know too many at risk people and I realize that you don’t have to be an at risk person to catch what ever bug may be going around at the moment. On top of the pandemic, it is the season for cold, flu and various virus. And my song, caught one. Even though I feel fine, I didn’t want to risk being a carrier. I stayed home.
I was seriously disappointed. I had gone from being afraid to attend events, afraid to try to find places on my own, to looking forward to going, on my own. I had been to this place before, I knew where it was, but the group wanted to convoy in together. Meaning there would be a meeting place I would have to find. I’d have to fall in where ever in line and follow the leader to the location. Something I’ve never done before. Now though, I wasn’t.
I sent word to a friend and fellow group member letting her know. I wished her well and asked her to tell everyone I would miss them.
Then I sat here and pouted. There I said it. You can act and be all noble, knowing you are doing the right thing, and still not be happy about it. The balloon of anticipation that had inflated to maximum size, filled by the excitement, deflated quickly thanks to the puncture of disappointment. There was no one to blame. I knew my son did not deliberately catch this bug just to keep me from going.
I don’t seek accolades for staying home and missing this event. Doing what’s right shouldn’t come with rewards other than the peace of knowing. So what did I do instead? I talked with mom several times. I got caught up on laundry. I played card games online and tried to get caught up reading blogs- I didn’t but I tried. I also watched for photos from the event. Missing the excitement of actually being there, but able to enjoy what was going on through photos.
In the past when I’ve been disappointed, I’ve found various ways to distract myself. Through photography, through hiking, through visiting with friends even and especially through my writing. And yes, there have been times when I eased my disappointment through baking or window shopping. I learned the hard way to leave money behind when heading out on one of those.
This is not the first time, nor will it be the last time I am disappointed. Many times I have wanted to go somewhere or do something, that fell through. As kids we thought it the end of the world. As adults we learn to shrug it off and move on. Most of the time anyway.
On a sad note, I didn’t get to go and spend time with friends doing a good thing. On a good note, my son seems over the bug that had his stomach bothered. There will be other events, like the toys for tots run. Now there is one I am really looking forward of being a part.