A grey day filled with on again off again rain. A day where I knew I wasn’t going to get to do any walking outside unless I wanted to get very wet. A day that began with me, and my thoughts.
The brain is an amazing, super computer, of the biological sort. Filled with programs that operate continuously in the background. Breathing, blinking, moving, all done automatically without thought. But there is much more to the brain that merely controlling bodily functions. It does more than have the body move physically, more than go from wakefulness to sleep.
A super computer brain, that operates according to what is installed.
The first programming is as a baby being taught to do the most basic of activities as well as to speak and learn. Attending school and church activities help it to grow. Increasing in knowledge and understanding. What one eats, helps keep the physical side of the brain healthy. The interactions one has with others, continuing education through mental exercises, learning various trades. Everything learned, a new installment and new program for the brain. Every new thing learned, making it stronger and better.
However, just as in a physical computer, our super brain computer, can be infected with malware. Allowing someone to insult, ridicule and lie to or about creates an injured self esteem. To have someone continually berate or gaslight destroys self worth. After hearing the same comments over and over, it can become programmed into the brain, accepted as fact. One can feel less intelligent, not as pretty, unwanted, unneeded, less capable, the list is unending. That infection, can and does create problems that can at times be difficult to overcome. It creates instances where the brain overthinks. It will take one thought and shred it, rebuild and then shred again. Each time working, analyzing and considering many options, most of them to the negative. It is malware, unwanted and problematic.
Today was working toward one of those days for me. Most times when that happens, I can go outside and walk it off. I can walk allowing the thoughts for a while, but then when shredding, take one section at a time, consider it, then seek the positive that goes with it. I can walk, until I have worked my way all the way through it and my mind has left the negative behind and is working on a positive. Pouring rain however, prevented that option.
I knew, that if I sat down and gave in, it was going to be a miserable day. I had to find a way to be active. It was not repeated games of solitaire day. I began cleaning an already clean house. I refolded clothes, I changed the ways some were hung in the closet, I removed empty hangers from the closet to take to the laundry area. As I worked, I recalled where or why I had purchased an item. I decided if I needed that many hangers or if some could be thrown away. Mentally removing myself from what was dragging me down.
From there I went to cleaning the kitchen. Hands in the dishwater scrubbing my breakfast plates my mind was going to where I didn’t want. This was not a mentally distracting activity. When my phone rang I was initially concerned as my son does not often call, but he was hoping I would ring him lunch. That meant doing something I don’t care for, going through a drive through. That fear of messing up in front of others coming to the forefront. Still, it seemed a good distraction so gathering what I needed, I headed out. Having to concentrate on the road due to the weather was good. Pulling in to the fast food place and remembering what James wanted, good, managing to place, pay for and get his lunch in the car without dropping it a score. After dropping his lunch off, I went to the mall. I haven’t been to the mall in a long time, so seeing how it had changed seemed a good idea. I spent over an hour strolling along, checking out the few stores that I remembered and seeing all the new things along the concourse. I was determined, to find distractions. I was determined to restart the program that would put me back in a better mood. From the mall to a local big box store to where I purchased some much needed cat food, I headed home. It had worked.
From the exercise I did learn that yes it does work. You can distract your thought process and disengage from the negative thoughts. I did it without food. I did it without spending money to make myself feel better. Even though those mums really were gorgeous. I didn’t need an outside source other than distraction to correct my mood.
I know, that if I had still been trying to operate in a bad mood, I had other options to try. I have those coloring books that require concentration due to how small the drawing are. I have sketch pads where I can draw my own artwork. I have acrylic paints and canvas available. I have the option of writing here, or pulling out a spiral notebook and filling the pages with a poor hand written scrawl. Some use needle point, sewing, knitting, any of the multitude of crafts, creating good things to over rule the negative. One can sing loudly to their favorite songs or dance as if they don’t give a fig who is watching. There are many, many ways available to clear one’s mind of negative programming. No one has to allow that to remain. No one should allow that to remain, for we are each important and special in our own right.
Just as it is possible to clear and correct a computer of malware, it is also possible to clear and correct our super computer brain. It simply takes determination and faith that it is possible. It takes effort. Today has ended much better for me, because I took the effort.
Words from The Dirt Road 