How much can change, with only a few words

How could a day, that started out so innocently, become such a nightmare? A nightmare that would continue to haunt and hurt, even as time slowly passes.

“March 7 at 5:11am ·

12376753_10153153808011651_7993451223308356222_n2growing kittens….. its like living in a house with living squeak toys…. toys that get even if you accidentally step on one…”
My husband and I had rescued a mother cat and her litter of five precious babies. She had her brood in our storage building, it was still winter and guaranteed to still have cold weather, the babies would not have survived out there. So we found a box, we gathered them all up and brought them inside. That was February 6th. They were happy, healthy and a mass of growing kitten claws and teeth.

March 7 at 5:29am ·

good morning all-
One of those contacts do not want to go in right morning so I’m now running late…
may your day be a wonderful adventure filled with things that bring a laugh, fond memories and hope.
be safe
be well
be blessed
be the difference..”

I have to be at work at 6am. I had time, if I wanted to be there right at six, but I prefer being early, so to get a decent place to park and because one never knows what might happen between here and there.
 Just before 9am, I called my husband. I couldn’t understand what he was saying at first, he got agitated at me, hung up and then called me back. I asked if he was okay and he said no. When I asked what was wrong he asked me “What do you think?” Before I could really answer, he said, “let me go” and hung up. Every break after that I tried to call him, getting no answer.

My whole world tilted and broke when I got the call at 4pm telling me that my husband had been found deceased in his truck. It was running but parked with the windows  down. He was sitting, slumped over on his bunk. From what I understand, this was right around 11am. Help was called, but there was nothing that could be done. I remember shouting at the person, shouting “No, T…., NO!!” They backtracked, telling me they weren’t sure, maybe there was a mistake, they would call me back. I waited for a few minutes, then gave up and left. My manger repeatedly asking if I needed someone to drive me, if I needed her to follow me, I told her I was fine. Still, I left work shaking, numb, in shock, and wondering how in the world I was going to tell our son. Yes, he is grown, but it was still his dad, and then I had my step-daughter to call. I pulled into the drive and got out of the car to hear my mother calling to me. My parents live next door to us, so hearing her was easy. When I told her that Jr. was dead, she said that she knew, James had been down to tell her. So, James knew, because someone from where my husband worked had called and told him. He didn’t want to, but he was concerned that the police would show up and catch us unaware. 

So much after that is a blur. I remember that I spent hours standing out in the yard or sitting in my husband’s chair on the front porch. Family came, my step daughter called James and then he gave the phone to me. I told her what little I knew and then went outside to wait on the police.

The guy from our life insurance who had been scheduled to come by for a visit to update our insurance had called, he was running late and wanted to know if he should change the appointment date. I explained the situation and he said he would be there shortly. When he arrived, we talked for a few moments. He said he would do what he could to get things started. The police officer who came was so nice, so polite, so respectful. He said he had been on the force for 28 years and this was the first time he had to deliver such a message. I felt badly for him. He even asked if he could hug me, a respectful, gentle, so sorry for your loss, hug.

All the while, even as I spoke with the various people who came by, who called, who sent word, all the while I kept waiting on my phone to ring with him asking me what I hadn’t called him.  I waited, thinking, hoping, that he would call and laughingly ask me how I liked his joke, even as my husband had so little of a sense of humor, I hoped.

In my head are the words echoing “No, T… No! (name left out for their privacy) It still echoes, within my head and heart. 

 Everyone kept asking if I was okay. I was in too much of a state of shock not to be. The Associate Pastor came by and spoke with James. The Pastor called asking what was going on. He was out of town and was getting some odd messages. Once again I explained what I knew. Once again,I lived that moment. The shock and numb feeling holding tight to my chest and heart. The disbelief that this could really be true, strangling me. Yet, I sat there, I answered questions asked, I held onto what sanity I had, I remained calm, because I couldn’t believe it was real.

 People began to wander slowly away, as the hour grew late. We had been sitting on the front porch, watching the sunlight fade and the solar lights come on. We talked about important things and unimportant things. Words that I barely remember and most I don’t remember at all.  As the last person left, as the night grew chilly, I wet inside, closed the door and locked it. I looked around, I took a breath. I headed for bed, all the while waiting on the phone to ring.

 The world, my world as I knew it, had just tilted and changed forever.

About rebecca s revels

A writer, a photographer, a cancer survivor. An adventurer of the mild kind, a lover of the simple pleasures such as long walks and chocolate. A Christian unashamed of my faith and a friend who is dependable and will encourage readily. Author of three self published books with more waiting to find their way to paper. An advocate of good things, a fighter against wrongs.
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